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5 year old friendship dynamics

2 replies

mrsjayjay · 25/06/2018 12:39

Hello! Wondering if anyone can offer advice please. My 5 year old DS has a ‘best friend’ who he has know since being a bump. They’re two weeks apart in age and have always had lots of play dates together from being babies to now. They went to the same nursery and are now in the same class at school. The issue is, my DS is quite sensitive, quite loud but not dominant, cries easily in situations which don’t go his way. His friend is the extreme opposite - bossy, dominant, angry in situations which don’t go his way. As they’re growing older, the dynamic is really changing and DS’s friend does things I’d almost class as bullying (pinches his things, tells him he must always walk behind him, never in front, lots of ‘I’m faster/older/better at ‘x’ than you). It’s fired up when their other friend, who has also been friends with them since nursery (they’re now a 3-way friendship of sorts) is there. Friend 1 will encourage friend 2 to ‘gang up’ on DS.

How do I deal with this? Generally, when play dates are just DS and friend 1 or friend 2, there are few arguments, or situations are easily diffused and they play really nicely together. But I can see when they’re all together that DS looks so hurt and gets annoyed (the upset) by it. It’s making me not want to put him in the situation when it’s just the 3 of them. It’s such a difficult one because we’re a close friendship group, we all help each other out with childcare around school hols etc so we can’t just never have them together. DS loves the idea of playing with his friends but always ends up feeling rejected or sad afterwards. It’s making me really sad Sad

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jessicalake · 25/06/2018 19:27

I had the same issue with my little girl when she was in Foundation stage. It was just a friend from school who was lovely at first but then started to tell my DD that she could only play with her and if she had any other friends she would tell the teacher.
My DD then panicking that she'd be in trouble only played with this little girl but would come home upset.

After about two weeks I spoke to her teachers and they had a chat with my DD about telling them if the little girl said anything nasty to her as she wouldn't be the one getting in trouble and encouraged her to play with other children. Making sure she sat next to a different girl at lunchtime and tried not to pair them up.

My DD still wanted to play with this little girl but made other different frriends as well.

Could you talk to the school? Preschool? and explain the situation I'm sure they would do something?

If not talk to your child, explain that its nice to have lots of friends and maybe try playing with other children. And try to remember that they are only 5 and things will probably change as they get older!

Maybe have a playdate with your son and another different child, they might then start to gravitate towards each other rather than the original child?

I hope it works out! :)

BeeMyBaby · 26/06/2018 15:28

I agree with jessicalake, DD1 had an issue with being frozen out when she was 5/6 (her friends would not talk to her but they would not allow her to play with other children). It lasted for a term. I spoke to the teacher and requested that they not be seated together or grouped during classes together. I also spoke to my DD and encouraged her to make other friends. Perhaps if it's very bad see if he can switch classes. Also you have implied that you are close to the other mother, possibly worth talking directly to her.

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