I’m struggling so much with my 3.5 year old daughter, I don’t even know where to start.
She’s a terrible sleeper, and has been since she was 18 months. We paid a sleep consultant, which worked for all of a few nights before we were back at square one. In her own bed she wakes a couple of times a night and then for the day between 4:30-5am. So now we let her come into our bed. This really only eliminates the problem of her shouting (if we don’t go in to her she will shout for up to 2 hours.) because even in our bed she’s still awake for the day between 5-5:30am.
I’m 21 weeks pregnant and obviously only going to get bigger and need more room to sleep. My daughter is not the sort of child who can be bribed, reasoned with or persuaded. If she doesn’t want to do something, she absolutely will not do it. For example though she took very well to potty training, I was buying Disney princess pull ups until well after her third birthday because she categorically would not poo in the potty or on the toilet.
Her will is so strong I just don’t see how we can tackle these sleep problems. She has great speech so I’ve tried talking to her about the sleeping situation, but she simply says ‘I sleep in your bed because I want to.’ ‘I just don’t like my bed.’ Or she does tend to make up lies like ‘there was a scary thunderstorm.’
We’ve also tried blackout blinds, a gro clock and a reward chart - none of these worked.
Her behaviour during the day isn’t great either. Awful, screaming tantrums and often total defiance to do anything easily. I’m trying to get her to put her own shoes on because it’s becoming difficult for me to bend down but she will just scream ‘no you do it.’ Until I give in. I know the problem is that I obviously keep giving in - but when you have to be somewhere and she’s just not budging - what do people suggest I do?
She’s worse with my husband, on the days he gets up with her and let’s me have a couple of extra hours in bed, she just screams the whole time. Screams she’s hungry, screams just because.
She hates being around other children. We have very few friends but she did used to enjoy going for play dates with a girl she’s known since she was a baby. However now if we go to her house, she takes herself off to a separate room while the other children play together. When I ask her why she does that she says ‘because I like it when there’s not any people.’ I try and encourage her that the other girls are her friends but she says ‘no they’re not, I don’t have any friends ever.’ It breaks my heart and makes me so frustrated all at once.
Why can’t she just be like other children? I’d give anything for her to just show some kindness and play with others but like with anything, the more I push the issue, the more determined she becomes that she won’t make friends.
I worry how she’ll react to becoming a big sister. She seems excited but if I say anything about the baby possibly being a boy (we’ve chosen not to find out the sex.) she gets very upset and says ‘no, only a girl, if it’s a brother I want to send him back.’ I know this sounds like a lighthearted, 3 year old type of thing to say but she mixes even worse with boys and I can see her being very disappointed and disinterested if it is a boy.
I’m finding this all so difficult and so isolating. I can’t help but wish the baby I’m pregnant with will give me an easier ride, because my daughter just doesn’t make anything easy or enjoyable. All I hear from other mums is how much they enjoy this toddler stage but I want every day to be over quicker than the last.
There’s a new challenge each day. A new food she refuses to eat, a new thing to have a tantrum because of. I don’t think I’ve enjoyed being a mum for about 18 months, which sounds awful I know, but being honest about this is all that helps me. I have no real friends or anyone to talk to, and the ones I do I feel like this is too complicated for them to understand anyway.
It’s got to the point where I’m looking at autism symptoms just so that there would be some explanation, because I really don’t think her behaviour or sleeping pattern is acceptable.
I feel so desperate for help, I just don’t know where to turn.