Lazy dirty 13 year old DD periods et.

[saltedliquorice]

My DD is a little immature for her age she isn’t into the usual boys, make up, tidy hair, fashionable clothes, posing, bragging or bitching about other girls on social media etc. She hates all this and as a consequence doesn’t have any friends outside of school. She enjoys chocolate, crisps, dogs, animals and an easy life.
Anyway I love her to bits even though she is disgusting.
She would rather chuck an empty packet of crisps behind the sofa than put it in the bin etc etc. I have told her about this numerous times and still these types of things happen and she tries to lie about it.
Anyway she started her periods last summer. I got her some supplies in 6 months or so before and nicely and quietly discussed starting her periods and when she did to let me know so I could get more supplies in, incase she has any questions or a bad tummy etc.
Anyway she didn’t bother telling me hid her underwear and also hid her used sanitary towels around her bedroom draws, wardrobe, draws under the bed one in the toilet brush etc yuck.
Anyway she has continued to do this every month so I continue to find blood stained knickers and used sainitary towels in her wardrobe along with clean clothes etc. Each time I have spoken to her about it but nothing seems to go in.
Their is a lidded bin in her bedroom and another in the bathroom. I even bought her some little bags to put used towels in and explained hygenine etc.
This morning I went to strip her bed for the wash and came across blood stained sheets (quilt pulled over it but bed not properly made) then this mess behind her head board.
Where do I go from here. Do I leave this for her to dispose of tonight when she gets in from school or sort it out myself now and try to discuss it with her tonight? WWYD. I think she is in denial about growing up and periods etc.
She is very tall for her age has long hair and looks quite pretty when she smiles and has clean brushed hair and could easily pass for 16 or 17.

I wouldn’t leave it for her to sort out, I’d quietly sort it out myself. Does she have some night time towels if she’s flooding? Has she got a decent book on periods too, like this one?

Almost forgot, MN has a very good Teenagers section if you need any further advice

JiltedJohnsJulie - oops I have washed her sheets but I left the mess behind her bed for her to pick up as I have picked up now for many months.
Her Schools both junior and secondary did lots of work about periods and she has a little book from them. Also I have talked about this with her sensitively but she just shuts me out and dismisses me.
I am fed finding old blood stained knickers in her wardrobe, in her draws, in her bin, under her bed, knickers with towels on in the washing basket etc.
She has day time and night time towels and some Lillets (feminine hygieniene wipes and little bags to put them in, to go in the bin etc etc).
She’s not happy and upset with me for mentioning it and says she hates me. Oh the joys.

This isn't appropriate behaviour for a girl of her age.. Maybe if you can't get through to her, someone else can? It's a very touchy private subject but she can't keep doing that.. It's unhygienic as you said and there must be a reason behind as to why she continues to keep doing it. Either pure laziness or something isn't right.. :/
It must be hard for you to watch it happen and not know what else to do, I wouldn't know either, but then again I've got a son.

Thanks amylee95
It’s like she is in denial that she is becoming a young women. She is in year 8 and had a really difficult time in year 6 and again in year 7 when some ex friends socially ostracised her and bullied her. This happ bed twice with two different lots of friends. It was really unpleasant. I was there for her but she’s now forever disappearing off on her iPad or phone playing games.
I asked her if she wouldn’t talk to me about it if their was anyone we or she knows at school that she thought she could talk to or would she like to go to the doctors. She’s gone upstairs ignoring me and shouting go away I hate you for being nasty to me. I said I wasn’t being nasty I was trying to be kind and trying to understand her behaviour but nicely saying it really isn’t on dumping dirty knickers and used sanitary products in anywhere other than a lidded bin purely for hygenine reasons and I have discussed this with you many times.

You've done what any caring mother does and approached her nicely and explained things to her by the sounds of it, honestly if she isn't going to listen to you I'd book her a doctors appointment and get a referral to a professional canceller she may feel more comfortable speaking to someone she doesn't know, they don't judge like friends do and it's completely confidential. They may get her to open up about the other things that are bothering her in her life or things that have affected her, it's hard sometime's, I'm 23 now but I remember being a teenager and shutting my parents out of things as well, teen years can be bloody tricky and cruel to some.

You just need to be supportive and let her know you're there for her if she ever wants to speak about things, even if she doesn't least you've let her know that.

Thanks amylee95 I worry a lot about a lot of her dirty slovenly behaviours and her denying it. I have thought about the doctors she would be mortified and I can’t drag her along if she is unwilling to go though.

I know she is unwilling because I suggested this earlier on this evening.

That’s a lot to try to discuss in one go. I think you need to tackle the issue of her flooding and hiding the evidence and how she feels separately for now.

She’s been bullied and that’s not nice and from how you’ve said she iis behaving, I’m not trained but she could very likely be depressed. You might find the book The disappearing Girl helpful.

If she was mine, I’d get the book I linked earlier for her. I wouldn’t trust the information she had from the school alone.

Thanks all and Julie I have discussed about heavy flow/bleeding especially at night times as I was always flooded out and had severe period pain so I half expected her to have this. I bought her night time towels and suggested she use two or three and wear with an additional pair of knickers on when her period is heavy etc.

The book sounds informative for me to read but some of the themes contained in the book sound too mature for DD which would turn her off if completely.
I don’t think she is depressed in the same way an adult would be as she gets a lot of pleasure from certain things mainly our dog, creating something artistic, eating cake crisps and chocolate, surprising someone, playing tricks or winding family members up, visiting certain places etc. But I think she may be frustrated and cheesed off at times.
Many of her peers are obsessed with being popular and seem to do almost anything to fit in and keep in with the more popular girls from rougher areas. Whereas DD is still very much herself.