Am very embarrassed about my sons' behaviour

[lilibet]

They are 11 and 7 adn I have just been to collect them form the holiday club that they go to, and have been called into the office with them and told that they will accept them agin but they are not to go anywhere near each other because of their constant fighting

I thought of the post the other day about valley girl and her step sons, and how they misbehaved. Why oh why can't they behave. At home they are either incredibly freindly (like now, can hear them chatting in the kitchen) or they are at each others throats, and either phase can go on for days at a time. It really does drive me to tears. Have tried talking to them, withdrawing things (no ps2 or tv at the moment), but the constant bickering and hitting out and tale telling just goes on and on.
Any suggestions before I pull my hair out?

lilibet me and my sister used to be the same, I no its no help but i do think its normal

I am sure other people will have better advice and try not to get upset about it {{{}}}

There's a book called 'Siblings without Rivalry'. I keep harping on about it, but it might contain good pointers. I found it in the library but it's also for sale on Amazon. Good luck.

Sounds like DP and me

Seriously, the fact they're incredibly friendly is a GOOD thing - far better than my sis and me at that age...

It sounds totally normal to me. I have had exactly the same thing here today - although I have 3 and have had my nephew here as well. It's either hours of playing happily, albeit noisily and roughly, together or one or other crying and moaning that the others are being mean, nasty, not letting them play, not playing what they want to play, etc. etc. When mine go to anything like a holiday club, I normally advise that they keep them apart. That way I can spend the day without stressing out that they may be beating seven bells out of each other in public.

Sounds like my house - I feel like Kofi Annan running the UN! It's normal summer holiday behaviour - be as vile as you can to each other.

I use to pay my sister to be nice to me which i would hate my dd's to do. Every parent wants their children to be close and dreams of this "eternal" friendship but even children from the same family can be so different and individual that if it is a clash of personality then i think all you can do is try to get them to perhaps realise that there will be times when they don't see eye to eye etc but try and find a non destructive way to express this without being cruel to each other, ie give each other space. Mine haven't reached this age so i haven't got any tried and tested methods i'm afraid.

mine are 6 and 3 and are like this. i thought maybe they'd grow out of it. I take it i'm wrong !

My 10 year old and 7 year old boys are the same, with less of the friendliness and more of the telling tales, and fighting, with the 7 year old constantly coming in to me in tears because of something the 10 year old did to him. AARGH.

Oh what a comforting thread! my sons aged 10 and nearly 5 have reached a new level of winding up each other and wrestling this holiday. As the youngest gets more of a physical and mental match for his older brother, the fights are hotting up. I am driven to desperation too and have tried banning all sorts of things. The boys seem impelled by some deep rooted brotherly force to have a pop at each other.

Yet in between the bickering and bothering they can be so sweet to each other, look out for each other and have so many cuddles.

I don't know what to do, exactly, but I do try to focus on the nice, generous behaviour and get them out in the park to run it off when the awful stuff takes over. I find shopping with them causes meltdown. My shoulders are permanently hunched in stress mode as the boys loudly bicker and push each other along the supermarket aisles. And I suspect this phase will get worse before it gets better. I makes me long for the oldest to hit a teenage torpor and coolness phase. My reasoning is that there's no way it's cool to playfight in public with your 5 years younger brother.

All this is very normal. I read somewhere that parents should look on it as the human equivalent of a litter of puppies playfighting. The puppies do it to learn how to fight so that they can defend themselves when older. Children do it to learn boundaries and limits in a safe environment. Incredibly stressful for the parents (although I've never seen a mother dog looking very stressed as her puppies rip each other's ears off , but good training for the children.

Just to add sounds normal, your not alone friendly one minute and fighting the next.I do understand how it drives you mad, as it does get me down especially when you go out, etc. lars

Perfectly normal but exasperating, I'm afraid. They say it peaks at 14 with boys but I can't see my 12year old lasting that long!

My oldest 2;10 and 7 are just the same in fact zaphod your experience is identical to mine,it drives me insane and yet when apart they do miss each other well certainly the younger misses the older,he always seems to be fighting on two fronts either with ds1 or ds3 who is 2.5 ,I despair.
We have not had a holiday theis year and dh has not had any days off in the holiday so to be honest am quite looking forward to the end although I know when it comes I will be sad to see them go back to school.