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5yo DD lying at school

2 replies

Mopydope · 16/06/2018 00:37

As a bit of background.... We have lived overseas for 2 years but are moving back to the UK in August. DD is currently in year 1, the youngest in the class but seemingly the brightest.
Since at school DD has found the social side of things difficult firstly because of the individual she is, she's the youngest and there's an almost 2 year age spectrum in the class. In kindergarten she had a love - hate relationship with one of the other girls. This has escalated as year 1 has progressed to hate-hate although the girls seem to find it difficult to stay away from each other(!). There's been a lot of devisive behaviour and pushing etc on both sides. Normal advice from the teacher and parents has been to stay away from each other.
This week DD was down when I picked her up after school. She said nothing was wrong then admitted to missing her dad who's away this week. Cue lots of hugs etc & an enquiry that was all of the problem. Then DD said the other girl had punched in the stomach along with a bit of name calling. DD was adamant this had happened. The following day we went to see the class teacher to talk about what happened and she said that an eye would be kept in everything etc etc. I took all the kids to a cafe after school.as a treat.
Anyway, cutting out the whole conversation. DD admitted to lying. She was never punched. There was an altercation where DD was offended but that is it, no hands on at all.....
DD for once in her life appears truly apologetic and clearly had not thought about the consequences of her lie. She was punished yesterday (early to bed, no TV) and is very aware that if she does this again her birthday party will be cancelled.
I guess I'm worried, once the lies start will they continue? Is DD missing attention so much that she has to lie for it? Have I been too heavy handed, or have I not brought about sufficient consequences?
Any advice appreciated!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
AjasLipstick · 16/06/2018 06:07

5 is very, very small still. I wouldn't have punished her to be honest but been more concerned with why she felt she needed to lie.

Was it a sort of cry for help perhaps? Maybe this girl is worrying her on a low level a lot and she thought that if she made something bigger up...then she might get help?

corythatwas · 19/06/2018 00:17

My own experience when dc started lying at about this age was that making a big thing of it actually prolonged the habit. It seemed to rise out of anxiety and making them more anxious just made it worse.

I would definitely not do something like cancel a birthday party- that would mean at least a year until the next birthday remembering that she is a liar- very difficult to move on from that.

A talk should really be enough; just to establish that she was wrong to do it and reassure her that now that she knows this she won't do it again.

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