How to discipline while in plaster!

[kempymoo]

👋 hi all,

I’m hoping you might indulge me in a collective brainstorm. I have a 2 year old, a 3 year old and a broken foot - and I am REALLY struggling, particularly with my 3 year old son who’s apparently set his sights on taking full advantage of the fact I can’t chase him.

I usually have a few discipline strategies - which I thankfully don’t have to use very often - but they all involve calmly removing him from situations, or taking objects away from him - and I can’t do that while I’m in plaster and on crutches! I don’t have any hands left to pick him or anything else up; and I can’t chase him.

This evening he refused to come to the bathroom to get ready for bed.... I ended up screaming the house down and then dragging him there on my hands and knees. AWFUL. I feel sick about it. It was awful. But since he’s realised I’m pretty powerless, he just says no to everything I ask him to do. (Clear up his toys, put his plate on the side, pick up his clothes, brush his teeth. Just no, no, no, no, no. And he isn’t usually like this at all!!!)

Has anyone been in this situation?? How did you maintain any civility?!?! Any tips?? Please??

If nothing else, i need him to behave in order for me to be able to keep him safe for the next few weeks!!

(And please don’t reply if you’ve nothing nice or helpful to say. I really can’t take any nastiness tonight!)

Thank you!!!

X

I should stress: we’re not the kind of parents that have rules for the sake of rules? We’re really quite easy going and the boys are usually pretty well behaved. This just all seems to have kicked off since my accident - he’s testing boundaries (and maybe he’s also quite unsettled about mummy being injured?). I am just at a complete loss as to how best to handle it. And it’s making me miserable.

No advice sorry but just wanted to sympathise. You defintely desever a

Hopefully somebody will be along soon with some useful strategies.

Thank you!! (Gin already in hand... at 9:30 this morning it even crossed my mind that given the fact I can’t drive, there’s really no reason not to start the day with a gin!! But I suspect that could be a slippery slope....! 🤦‍♀️)

No problem. Just wish I could be of more use

Gosh that sounds really tricky... poor you, I hope your foot heals soon. Are you a single parent? You don't mention a dp contribution?

Firstly I'd say look at ways to avoid getting to the stage you did tonight. Is he getting out and about enough? If you're having to stay in could he be a bit bored and frustrated? If so maybe a soft play or park visit daily.... somewhere safe where he can throw himself about and you can sit or if you can't get out could anybody else help you? Can he do extra time in nursery temporarily?

Secondly put your thinking cap on about consequences that you CAN carry out. EG in our house if ds refuses to tidy then I'll tidy them for him, into the bin (actually well hidden until a later date but it does the trick) failure to put plate on the side means no pudding/small after dinner treat. Turning tv off, not charging devices, no bedtime story etc may work.

Thirdly maybe some sort of positive behaviour system, sticker chart, marble in the jar, penny in a piggy bank when he's done when expected. If the two year old is complying and the 3 year old isn't or vice versa turn your attention to the one doing the right thing giving lots of praise. As soon as the non compliant one make a positive step then all smiles "come on Bob we're having fun come and join us!" Walking away (if safe!) from an undesirable behaviour can be very powerful, especially refusing to go to bed. Turn lights and tv off downstairs and say ok we're going up now and don't argue.

Finally, deep breath, try to stay calm because it feels like ages now but this tricky phase will end before you know it take care

Thank you so much - they’re some really good suggestions. I particularly like the idea of tidying his toys in to the bin!! 😂 So far, his brother is being very sweet and helpful so maybe a reward chart for them both would work well too. It’s all taken me a bit by surprise and I’ve so far done a terrible job of thinking up new ideas on the spot! I’m so disappointed he’s reacting like it to the whole situation - he’s a lovely little boy and I really hadn’t expected this. 😭

To answer your questions - I’m not a single parent but my husband works away Monday to Friday and we have no family nearby; and to top it all off we live in a very rural area and it’s impossible to get anywhere without a car! But I’ve managed to get him lifts to preschool, horse riding lessons etc so far so I don’t think he really has any right to be feeling bored. I haven’t left the house since last Thursday - he’s been out doing something exciting every day! (BUT: I do expect he’s struggling with the fact mummy isn’t the one coming along with him to things as he’s used to me doing all the picking up and dropping off and being at groups with him etc. I suspect that is a lot to do with his behaviour - he’s an emotional little soul!! But recognising that isn’t helping me to cope....!)

Right - I’m off to google reward charts, maybe I can find a nice one to print off and we’ll start right away!!

He is probably not so much bored as unsettled. He is old enough to be more aware of the change than his little brother. He is missing you on all those car rides.

So one other thing to do is to explain to your 3 year old what is happening, what you can do and what you can't do. (With a reassuring message built in that you are getting better, you will be able to walk about in a few weeks etc) And also what you need him to do - to come to you right away if you call him, to help you get things, to come and tell you what his little brother is doing. Try to be specific - just telling him "to behave" wont be clear enough.

And remember to have lots of praise and cuddles for him whenever he does something you want, even if it's just calling him and he comes!

And actually three years old is quite young to send off with different people he doesn't know well. It might even be better to keep him off the activities for a while. Would it help to hire a day nanny to come in for a few weeks so the little ones can get know her?

Bless you, it sounds like you're working really hard there. It does sound like he could be worried and scared of the change to routine so yes I guess it's a case of being consistent, positive and trying to explain what's happening and reassure him as much as possible. Take care, this will all be a distant memory soon!!