friendships, exclusion and moving schools

[Sweetkatiepee]

I have a dilemma!
My youngest is in year 3 at a pretty small school (17 intake per year)
She has never really connected with any of the girls and this last year has been the worst. She has one friend but I’m suspicious that the friendship can hang in the balance if it isn’t regularly fed with squashies and lip balm.... and she often comes home saying she had no one to play with or girls were saying she is ugly etc.
She cries a lot after pick up and there isn’t an obvious reason but I think it’s the affect of school
This year no children have invited her to any parties and she is very aware that she is being left out.
I’ve asked teachers how they observe her and they say that she doesn’t display any characteristics that would mean children don’t like her, and in class she seems to get along with her class mates but it’s at playtime it’s bad and out of school the children blank her when she says hello or just don’t include her.
She has an older sister who leaves primary school this July so my youngest won’t have her older sister to rely upon.
I feel I can’t talk to parents, I tried with one and she got super defensive and told me she had her own problems with her kids...
I’m considering moving her to a bigger school where there will be more children and a different setting. But that also fills me with dread as when I’ve gently suggested the idea of moving she says how she loves her school.
Anyone else had this happen and found a way to resolve it?
Any help gratefully received 😬😊

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear your dd isn't happy.

My ds1 aged 8 (y3) was unhappy at his small village school. We considered private but felt that smaller class would make it more difficult.

We are two weeks on from moving him and his reception aged brother to another village school but with 2 forms of 30 instead of one class of 30 at his old school.

Week one was shaky but now part way through week two, I can see my boy emerging and looking happy and basically looking like the relaxed lad I see on the weekends at home.

She's got 3 years left, so I say go for it and do it now so she can settle in for 3 weeks before they break up. The end of the summer term will be more relaxed than switching in Sept.

I was able to meet the head at the new school, fill in the paperwork and get the old head's signature within two days and start straightaway.

Xx

Thank you so much for your advice. I was thinking September would be easier as the last few weeks of term are school plays etc but I do see how a few weeks before makes it less of a deal in September. Agree that three more years of this is too much. I think I’ll get a meeting with the headteacher pronto. Thanks again for your advice and experience x x

So sorry your DD is unhappy OP. Crying after school isn’t usual in my experience. Does the other school have a place for her?

How is it going, OP?

There are 3 spaces in the other school so I’m meeting with the head teacher next week. Will keep you posted. Thank you

That is great news. Even if you don't change schools at least you will have explored your options. I hope the meeting goes well!

Please move your DD to a different school. She deserves to be liked and valued for who she is and that is not what is happening at school at the moment.

I am probably in danger of projecting a little, as I was bullied at primary school in a similar way with nasty comments and deliberate exclusion. I didn't move schools and after awhile the group decided I was ok and could join them. This made school bearable again, but I still didn't have friends as I never trusted them. It also impacted my self-esteem long term.

Your DD needs to know none of this is her fault and that she deserves much better friends than these

Op how did you get on? In a similar situation myself so would be lovely to hear an update.

My dd is 6 and already the exclusions from friends have started, also call her ugly

Hi all and Ellieboolou27,

So I have a meeting with the head at a potential new school on Tuesday.
I’ve spent the weekend with parents whose children are also in my daughters class and it was interesting to observe the behaviour. Lots of them seem to shout at my daughter or boss her around. She is clearly keen to be included so sort of endures it..
I have spoken to my daughter about moving and she has become very upset about it. She says she has found one friend now so she doesn’t want to move. I honestly feel very torn but I’m progressing the potential move as I think I could very easily remain on the fence feeling scared of moving her but also sad at what’s happening at school.
I’ll have more to feedback on Tues but the potential school has a shuffle up day on the 11th July which my daughter could attend if we want to go for it.
Decisions decisions....

It sounds very difficult, let us know how you and your daughter get on.
Good luck!

Hi all,
I thought I’d post an update. I visited an alternative school, met with the head ( who had previously been a head at the school my daughter is at so knows what it’s like etc)
I was unsurprisingly impressed with the school. I know heads are bound to show all the positives in a school so I knew I get a good feeling.
But I felt relief. Because the school felt good, with great lunchtime play options, school clubs, variety of sports and more children to become friends with.
I’m obviously fearful that the move may not go well. Worried that the same thing will happen in a bigger school etc, but I think I know that my fear should not stop the opportunity for my daughter.
She has a taster morning next week prior to her movingvschooks for the start of the academic year in September.
Our current head has been supportive and upon reflection believes that the move will be positive for my daughter.
I imagine a few hiccups and scary feelings are going to happen but I think overall it will be a positive move.
Thank you for your support.
X x

Thanks for the update op.

It sounds a lovely school, children adapt so much better than us adults so like you say, even though your fearful it’s a good opportunity for your daughter.

I hope all goes well and that she makes lots of new friends and enjoys the new school.