This will be long so please bear with me. Have posted this in sn as wel.
A friend of mine has a friend who I vaguely know, I met her about three years ago at a toddler group, we know each other to speak to but do not see each other socially iyswim. She has a daughter who is the same age as my ds, and I?ve seen a lot more of her in the past six months or so because my friend looks after her quite regularly.
To be brutally honest, the first couple of times I saw this child I thought her behaviour was horrendous. Shouting, swearing, and being aggressive. But the more I?ve seen of her, and the more my friend has told me about her, the more I think that her behaviour is not normal. Physically she is spot on, even advanced for her age, she can climb virtually anything/can ride a bike without stabilisers (something which none of the other similar aged children I know can do), but she is very clumsy. My friend said that when riding her scooter she rode straight into a car, there was no way she could not have seen it, but she rode into it, and was unaffected, didn?t cry or anything, and when friend said ?didn?t you see that car?? she said ?yeh, I rode into it.?.
Socially and emotionally, if she doesn?t get her own way she screams, kicks, throws tantrums, shouts, shouts some more. If there are a group of children playing in the park they will all play together and she doesn?t play with them. She apparently has no friends at preschool (is in a different preschool to my ds and friend?s dd). Apparently at preschool she will not join in the activities, will not sit on carpet with other children for story to be read, and is very disruptive.
My friend has told me of some of the things she frequently does at home, she regularly draws on the walls/the windows/the carpet, she frequently trashes her bedroom, breaks all her toys, I mean literally breaks them. Recently she went into the bathroom and tipped various things all over herself/on the carpet/down the toilet, she stood at the top of the stairs with a bottle of baby locian and tipped it over her head and down the stairs.
Now I know a lot of 4 year olds, and a lot of them can be challenging, but IMO this is not normal 4 year old behaviour.
I?m concerned that this little girl has some kind of sn, but obviously I know nothing about these things so wouldn?t begin to try and say what. But I don?t know the mum well enough and tbh it?s none of my business anyway and maybe she already knows and is already getting help but hasn?t told anyone perhaps?
But what concerns me more is the attitude from other people who know this child. My friend, and another friend who also knows the mum, regularly stand in the park and talk about this little girl?s behaviour, saying how they hope she isn?t put into the same class as their children because of the way she behaves. If my friend looks after her it is blatantly obvious that she cannot stand her. She will tell her off for the slightest thing, if she comes over upset then she?s told to go off and play, the other day she did come over and say that the other children wouldn?t let her join in their game and friend said ?oh well, go and play somewhere else then.?
Now I?m really unsure as to what to say or do. I said to friends that this little girl?s behaviour isn?t normal and that I wondered if there was a more serious explanation for her behaviour, ie that she has some kind of sn. I also said that really, if she does have sn, she needs help not ridicule, and that she will have a tough enough time at school already without adults slagging her off into the bargain.
But now I don?t know if I?ve done the wrong thing perhaps. I do believe that there?s a reason for this little girl?s behaviour, but it?s really not my place to say it is it? But on the other hand I don?t think that it?s right to slag off a 4 year old child.
I feel guilty that I have perhaps branded someone?s child as having sn, but on the other hand I don?t think that other parens should make other judgements about her, so doesn?t that make me a hipocrit?
Please tell me that if this little girl has sn it will be picked up at school?