Boyfriends answer to baby crying is ‘formula’ and now baby won’t latch because of bad habits

[Misty1992]

So I’m very emotional right now. My little one is just 4 weeks old and I have been breast feeding in demand for the whole time. Don’t get me wrong, some days she can be abit distressed and just not latch but other than that I have had no problems with breast feeding.

Given I decided to breastfeed, I don’t want to use formula, however I do keep it in my Kitchen Cupboard just incase! My partner decides it is a good idea to go for long days out to catch up with friends, go for a beer etc. This really frustrates me as we are out sometimes for around 6/8 hours of the day, including car journeys. Because we aren’t at home, we are at oublic places it is just difficult to feed her and so his opinion is ‘Formula won’t hurt!’ Well, that is quite true but it has become such a habit that I am now struggling to latch her on to my breast as she becomes distressed and when she does latch, it is now only for around 5-10 minutes before she falls asleep, I worry she isn’t getting enough as she soon wakes within half hour to an hour and she is signalling she’s hungry.

My partner decides also that whenever she cries, it means she’s hungry and if she won’t latch then she needs a bottle. I can’t stress how much I try to make him understand that it’s not always because she’s hungry.

And all because his social life was more important and so he’s decided that we are just going to use formula from now. I personally feel really emotional about it, breastfeeding was bonding for me and my baby :(

I just needed to vent. Argh 😭 that mother and baby breast feeding bond, I miss it already :’(

Your boyfriend sounds like a complete and utter dickhead. You’ll regret wasting your life with him one day, he’s already fucking with your relationship with your child.

Do you want to try and reestablish breastfeeding? It can be done but you’ll most likely need to quit the formula.

Do you have any real life support?

Throw the formula and the bottles away. If they aren't there he can't use them.

Stop going out with him, sit at home with your baby and concentrate on BFing and getting to know each other.

Don't let him bully you into giving up something that is important to you and good for your baby.

FGS stand up for yourself! If she cries, she cries. If she takes time to latch that doesn’t mean it isn’t going to happen. Can you find a local BF group to re-establish? I didn’t BF my first because my (now Ex) partner didn’t like me doing it out and about in public. I regret that now. I had number 2 and BF exclusively and it was wonderful. Ups and downs of course but I miss that closeness. Don’t deny it for baby for yourself. Also: congratulations!

Maybe she is hungry but that's not a bad thing. Babies aren't robots and having a small snack then a nap is no big issue. She may wake up and be hungry again in a short period of time. Everyday is different.

If a baby is upset it is hard to latch them. Sounds like you are doing fine with the bf. You can cut the bottles out or down.

I was frustrated as my ds was constantly attached to me and crying when not. DH and I wondered if ds was getting enough milk from me so we tried formula one evening and immediately the crying stopped. I continued with BF and then topping up with formula which worked and pumped in between. Find a local BF support group about latching perhaps, it may take some time to get it back but if you stick with it with the right support you can

I was frustrated as my ds was constantly attached to me and crying when not. DH and I wondered if ds was getting enough milk from me so we tried formula one evening and immediately the crying stopped. I continued with BF and then topping up with formula which worked and pumped in between. Find a local BF support group about latching perhaps, it may take some time to get it back but if you stick with it with the right support you can

If you give formula then your baby takes less from you. It's supply and demand. The sucking is the signal
to make more.

Bottle feeding is often less work for babies. They suck they always get a good flow of milk, as you don't let them suck on an or near empty bottle.

Ideally breastfeed all the time, don't pump don't give formula. Then your body will make the right amounts at the right time.

A few days just chilling out at home, lots of skin to skin time and you relaxing will help up supply. Eat well and keep hydrated. You can reduce the formula if you want. Or you can continue to combi feed. Find what suits you best.

Buy a decent breast pump and try to build up your supply again. Limit formula to when out and about if easier to use and only if you want to. I’m breadtfeeding twins and sometimes use formula when out as I don’t want to tandem feed when out and don’t have much time to pump enough. You can combination feed but your supply will meet the demand so if you only breast feed a few times your milk will decrease in supply to match that and it is harder to build back up the longer you use formula.

Sorry to hear your boyfriend isn’t supportive I would print off from
The NHS website the benefits of Bf and it costs about £750 a year to formula feed one baby!

Good luck x