ds 2.9 months starts to hit us and slaps us, kick and some little bits

[sasa15]

we usually slap him back....
the talk didn't work.... stickers...
only worked for the first week...
he said he doesn't want any presents so
he can be naughty....

he does go to nursery...but I don't think is aggressive there...but he does bring the aggression at home?

he slaps for no reason....
how do I improve him...........is it another phase,,,,,,,,?

Sorry, is that a typo, 'we usually slap him back'?

If not, then what on earth do you think you are teaching him about slapping, if you hit him? How would he ever learn not to do it!

Stickers/presents he's too young for. If he's not even three then you simply need to consistently and firmly tell him no, we don't hit. Remove yourelf and your attention from him. At a last resort if he literally follows you round then he could go in his room for a minute or two as a consequence.

Get him diverted onto things he can do.

Do lots of playing with him so that he's not bored. You just have to work hard on actively playing with him and keeping him out of trouble rather than expecting him to be able to keep himself out of trouble!

I agree 100% with the fact that if a child is smacked by a parent then he or she is going to learn to hit as well.
All the children I know of, who hit their parents or other children - have ALL been smacked.
In this day and age, we are meant to be more intelligent, and know better than to hit our children.
Children are better at copying than any of us adults are, and as such they will take on board whatever we parents teach them. So, if a parent swears..then the child swears, if the parent is kind then the child will also be kind, and the same goes when a parent hits a child, that child is bound to hit back at some point.
CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE!
I cannot believe how many parents have complained to me that they can't control their kids and that the kids are calling them swear words and hitting them.....if only these people would leave a camcorder switched on to record their own behaviour, then they just might realise what their child(ren) are experiencing in their young lives.
When the parents can't control themselves, then how on earth do they expect a child to? It baffles me!
Our children have never been smacked, or hit, or whatever else you wish to call it, and as a result, not even once, have they raised their little hands to hit anybody else either.
So come on parents who cannot possibly understand the agressive behaviour of your children, practice what you preach!

weeeeeeell Rose my ds has never been smacked but he certainly went through a hitting phase! I think many children who aren't hit DO go through this, it's totally natural and I don't think it's as easy as "If you don't hit them they'll never hit anyone else".

But totally agree with the spirit of what you say, we are the adults and should have the brain-power to work out one or two ways of showing kids how to behave other than hitting them! In reality there are no magic answers, it's got to be just down to consistency in the boundaries you set and role modelling to children what decent behaviour is!

one way we've worked on our ds from not biting or hitting out at us (he's 3 next month) - is to tell him a sharp NO when he does and remove him to his bedroom.

and PRAISE the positive. and when he's not at nursery, keep busy with him; arts and crafts, going outside, the whole lot (and praise him when he plays well with you), hang his pictures up (and show him that you did).

my son behaves better when i give him more attention. i know this isn't ideal for everyone (especially working out of the house moms). quality time is what counts

slapping him will, IMO, only show him to hit back.

i would also ask at his nursery about his behaviour there. it is said that children save their worst behaviour for mom (and dad.)

i've been reassured countless times by friends who have older children that IT IS a stage.

but its a damned frustrating one!!

I assume that slapping him back is an attempt to show him what it's like to be on the receiving end , but he's too young - and it really does set a bad example to children.

I know it's frustrating. We went through hitting, kicking, throwing toys and other stuff around and it lasted for AGES !!! - Sorry, but for us it did.

Personally, what worked for us was spending some time playing (be COMPLETELY focussed on your DS) and praise the 'lovely', 'gentle', 'anything that is not hitting' behaviour - be REALLY over the top happy when you praise him. Then tell him 5 mins and you will need to wash-up (or something). Then give him 1 min warning. Then remove yourself for a short time to do said chore. Likely he will then throw a wobbler (but he may not, and you must praise him if he doesn't). If he does, ignore tantrum/screaming, but if he hits or kicks (or whatever is unacceptable to you), than kneel down, look him in the eye (gently hold his arms by his sides so you don't get whacked), and firmly say 'No, we do not hit because it hurts.' Don't shout at him. If he throws the wobbler when you give the warnings or when you are playing then obviously step in with the 'No, etc' at the time. Then straight away we would change tone of voice to a cheery one and try to distract him with a toy or something. This kind of felt wrong at the time, like I was rewarding the bad behaviour, but it did work because it diffused the tension rather than entering into a battle of wills.

He will push and push and test and test this routine, but I really think it worked for us where everything else we tried failed. I think rewards and stickers can sometimes complicate things with very little children and he is still very little. They really do learn by imitation at this stage in their development.

Hope all that doesn't sound too preachy. I don't often reply to the behaviour posts in this kind of detail, but it all sounds sooooo familiar .

p.s. I did lose my temper once when DS slapped me relly hard in the face, and I smacked his leg (bare as I was trying to get him dressed st the time). This was months ago and he STILL occasionally hits me and then shouts at me to 'hit his leg'. It really does make a huge impression on them and takes time for them to unlearn it, IYKWIM.