aaaarrrrrrggggghhhh my kids drive me nuts.......they don't help do whatever we ask them to!

[RoseQuartz]

As the subject suggests, my kids are driving me round the bend!
Have asked them several times this afternoon to pick up bits of papaer off the floor, bits of paper which they threw on the floor in the first place, I have to add, as they cup up pieces and cut around pictures they draw etc etc.
They have 'pretended' to be busy when I walk into the room, but the two bags i've given them to fill the rubbish with are still empty, and it doesn't seem to bother them at all, when I say they could go to Mcdonalds once they'd tidied up, they would get the telly on when they tidied up and blah blah blah, they are just pig ignorant!
Help me please, before I go completely bonkers in this place, the older ones who I've been nagging all afternoon, are nearly 7,6,5 and4..............aaaarrrrgggggghhhhh I dont' like talking to myself! Any help or suggestions, please throw them my way, thanks

Pick it up yourself and place on their beds or their fav thing and tell them they have to sort it Might work {grin]

Tell them that you won't be making tea until it is cleared up?

I'd go in, get right on their level make sure you have their attention, tell them in your best 'pissed of I'm gonna kill you lot voice' they have exactly 5mins to clear up mess..if it isn't done, whatever punishment would work best for them, fave toy taken away? telly time taken away, early bedtime etc. And DO it!

Good luck!

When i ask dd to do something and she doesnt my response is ...

me: (very calm (too calm - scarily calm) "ok that's fine you don't have to"
dd: "does that mean I have to go to bed early?"
me: yes
dd: ok i'll do it and she does. end of. (because she knows from experience that if she doesnt mummy really will send her to bed at 6.30pm instead of 7.30 - or 8 on weekends, she went through a phase of pushing her luck constantly and ended up having lots and lots of early nights noit she understands i really do mean it)

Good child = happy mummy who lets her have treats etc

Naughty child = stern mummmy who takes no shit.

Sell the kids on ebay? Though, if they are anything like mine, noone will buy them.

Am having a similar day. But only another 2 hours and they will be in bed and I will reward myself with a huge glass of chianti and a soppy film on tv.

I know how you feel. I have a 7yr old ds who is so lazy, everything is just too much effort for her. I seem to spend my whole time nagging her. she seems to think that i am her personal servant.

Ours are 10, 8 and 5 and they are also going through a rough phase. I am thinking about imposing fines... I am at wit's end today as well!!!

They blame the 14 month old for spreading the Uno cards all over the front room and therefore refuse to help pick them up... What the?!

Me: How did the baby get them if they were on the game shelf?

DS1: I dunno. Wasn't me.

Chorus of me neither, not me etc etc from the other two!

TIDY UP NOW!

sit down and watch them.

I have tried everything i can think of. I have shouted, screamed, sent her upstairs, put her on the 'naughty step', withheld sweets and trips, stopped friends coming round and cancelled outings and day trips! Don't no what else to do. Don't understand her cos my 3yr ds is great. He loves to help

put her to bed.

Start to tidy it yourself, get them to join in, direct them and when they get into the flow of it say you're just sorting something else out could they just finish off (or you could help them finish off). I think sometimes young children get overwhelmed easily and just don't know where to start.

In a continuation from yesterday: The cards are still on the floor and there is still rubbish in the car despite my having said that they will not eat breakfast until these two tasks have been done. They are currently playing in the car. I hope that hunger wins in the end. (I cannot believe that I have started to withhold food...What is my life coming to here?!?!)

In hindsight I should have sent them out to the car one at a time before tea yesterday rather than letting this drag on but I honestly thought that they would just get it done.

juuule: If I start myself then I will finish myself as well. We do tidy the play room as a family because I agree that it can become overwhelming at times and we have a hectic schedule. This is just too much though. Surely one deck of card or as in RoseQuartz's situations their own paper clippings is not too much for them to pick up?

I agree with previous posters, once it gets to the pissing about stage then you have to get tough. Come down to their level, do the scary voice, then stand over them whilst they do it. It will take two minutes. Then praise them for having done it, point out that it only took two minutes and NOW they can (insert activity of choice) because they are finished.

If there is a lot and they are young, then direct them. "OK - first put all the dolls in the doll box. Right, now find all the bits of lego/jigsaw/whatever and put them in their box". Tbh depending on personality, IMO under the age of 6 it's too much just to say "tidy up" and leave them to it - they don't know how to start.

When they are older though, a set consequence for not doing as they are asked can have an effect. My dd (8) fell foul of the tidying up yesterday - we are clearing out prior to moving and they had selected a pile of soft toys to go to the charity shop. She had then messed up her room and left stuff all over the floor so I couldn't get in. I warned her that I was coming in to collect the soft toys on Friday and if it wasn't tidy then I wasn't responsible for whatever else went in the back by mistake. She didn't tidy up. Consequently I bagged up ALL the toys on the floor. Cue floods of tears the next day when she realised her favourite rabbit had gone in the bag! (It was rescued before going to the charity shop and her room is spotless now )

"whatever else went in the bag by mistake"

OK - here's my strategy. We use a timer. We define what jobs need to be done (I usually have a go at my never ending ironing pile) We set the timer for 15 minutes. We see how much we can get done in the time. There are not many jobs you can ralistically ask small children to do that take more than 15 minutes. Absolutely nothing gets in the way of the job while the timer is running.

You have to make sure that the jobs are achievable."Tidy your room" is daunting for a 7 year old if there aren't easy places to put things. "Put all the books on the shelf, they toys in the box, the dirty laundry in the basket and the clean clothes in the cupboard and make your bed" is doable. Mybe even make a laminated list of the jobs that need to be done to make a room tidy.

Have very low standards. It's mre important that they do the job than they do it well. They'll get better at it, but it's discuraging if their best efforts aren't deemed good enough.

Point out that you are a family community. When you cook meals you don't just cook for you, you cook for everyone. So the "I didn't mess it up, so I'm not tidying it up" is umacceptable.

And be very calm and matter of fact, but do nothing that they want you to do until the job is done. Good luck!

and make it fun!

Phrases like 'Im going to beat you at putting the rubbish in the bin. Ready steady go!!'

bet they will help if you join in.

Cadmum: I think with the 10yo and 8yo I would probably be saying that we weren't going anywhere/doing anything nice until it was tidied. I'd still feed them but I'd do something like not clearing their pots away to make the point that I tidy things that I do things to help them and they need to pitch in and do their bit. I would be annoyed with my 10yo if she didn't clear her own mess up more times than she didn't. My 7yo still gets away with it a bit while my 3yo is soooo helpful(the novelty hasn't worn off yet). Rosequartz eldest is still only 6 (almost 7) that why I thought they might still need her to lead the way a bit.