Rewarding good behaviour with money? Also pocket money dilemma!

[RoseQuartz]

Please can you help us find a way to reward our children for positive behaviour. It seems that whatever we try is short-lived, and so we need something that we can keep at, for everyone's sake!
Do any of you reward your children's good behaviour with money in their moneybox etc? Do you give them pocket money, if so how much should we 'reasonable' give them at a certain age? We are confused, having tried various ways, and failed miserably each time!
For all you parents who give your children pocket money, how much of it are they allowed to spend as they wish, and how much, if any, do they have to save in their bank/building society savings account?
We just don't know what to do, we are at a loss as to what's the best and fairest way to go about things?? To keep EVERYONE HAPPY!!!
Any help greatly appreciated, thanks in advance! x

We introduced pocket money purely as something we could take away for bad behaviour!

How old are your children Rose?
We had all sorts of reward systems start and stop in our house - following the trend, thinking that was what happened in parenting today and all that.
Last year DS (aged 6 at the time) shocked us by developing a "What's in it for me?" and "What are you going to do about it if I don't do what you say?" attitude. We were raising a monster
We stopped all rewards ... ALL ... We told him why. We told him that we weren't teaching him about real life (we, as adults, are not given money/stickers/prizes for following basic rules are we?)
So, no rewards.
But we are nice parents and give him treats when we feel like it ... not for good behaviour but because we want to (movies now and again, that sort of thing. I may see a small toy I think he will like and get it if I want to .... )

But we do impose sanctions for bad behaviour ... stop a planned movie trip (did that two weekends in a row a few weeks ago )

We saw a marked improvement in his behaviour and attitude after that, almost instantaneous. (this was a year ago)

He does get pocket money, not for a reward, but just for that, pocket money. He loses it for really bad behaviour.
He can choose to spend it or save it. At the moment he is saving for a Ferrari. He gets $3 a week .

I think rewards systems have a place ... stickers for potty training, star charts for specific things (when you are trying to crack the bedtime routine thing) ...
But rewards for general behaviour, IMHO, can backfire and children get bored with them. And they don't work. IMHO that is.

I've just one thing to say - Alfie Kohn.
Punished by Rewards:The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise, and Other Bribes
Unconditional Parenting:Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
Okay - perhaps a bit more than one thing to say
These are definitely worth a read. Throw a whole different light on 'rewards' and 'consequences'.

I 'pay' DS1 to do chores, which includes basic things like keeping his bedroom tidy, making his bed, taking plates to the kitchen. Kind of pocket money. It works for us at the moment whereas everything else we have tried didn't or run its course. He gets a small amount 10-50 cents (in NZ) per chore or group of chores (10-50p equivalent). He is allowed to keep it all, having said that if he now wants McD's, sweets, treats he has to buy them himself. No money, no treats (and he's not allowed to gorge himself either) He's 7 btw. Not sure if that helps. IMO they different things seem to work for different children and at different times. Guess the novelty wears off after a while and you have to move onto something new and exciting.

Try again -
Punished by Rewards:The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise, and Other Bribes

Nother alfie kohn fan here. They are really worth a read.

Gag, can't stand Alfie Kohn.

But worth a read if you want to think about it.

Pocket money not related to behaviour in this house because it didn't make any difference.

Household chores and good behaviour are linked to computer and TV time. This mostly works and has been much more satisfactory than linking money to behavior or chores.

Good luck, whatever you do.

my children do of themw hat is asked. they also do things for money. I dislike the whole 'giving' of money. esp. for good behaviour. I have the benefit (or not) of having teenagers who constantly want money for something my dd just has to have the third part in a series of books which has come out in hardback costing £9.99. " muuuum" said she, " do you love me"
"not a tenners worth" said i"sod off"

i later agreed she could do some chores. she hasn;t done them becuase i am often a soft touch. however i am putting my foot down with a firm hand. She will wantto go to town today guarenteed!

Huge Thanks to all who shared your experiences with us, we were worried about doing the right/wrong things all the time, and like most of you have said, things tend to fizzle out after a while anyway.
From now on, we shall introduce a set pocket money per week, I like the one that gives a certain amount per year in age! And also will pay them for help with chores etc. For good behaviuour they will get tv/computer time/ spend quality time with either of us parents, reading or whatever they choose, withing reason!!
So I think we've finally cracked it:

1. Set pocket money each week, according to age no matter what behaviour they throw at us!!! Keep things simple eh!!
2. They can earn a bit more money by helping out with chores when we ask them!
3. We shall reward them with tv/pc time, spending time alone with either of us, and to keep the excitement alive, as it were, we shall spring a little surprise at them from time to time, probably take them out in the weekend to buy something nice like a toy/book/or whatever they're after, again within reason!! or to have a little cake and drink in cafe, or even mcdonalds, I hate to add!!!Possibly a trip to the beach/ country walks would do as a nice suprise and if we take a picnic with us, we will sort of kill two birds with one stone, as it were!!!

Thanks for your tips, I think the stickers and charts blah blah blah, have had their day, and all are sick and tired of them by now!! Don't you lot, like us, feel that there's sooooo much pressure to be 'perfect' parents raising perfect kids' these days, which adds an awful amount of stress to an already tough, though also very enjoyable task!! thanks again.

Am about to start on essay for my MSc on that bloody Alfie Kohn book.
Lets just say that he doesn't understand the scientific principles of behaviour.

I don't know about scientific principles of behaviour (perhaps I should get a book )
but Alfie Kohn seems to make a lot of sense to me and his ideas work in our family. Seems a better way to be to be respectful of each other and understand why we do things rather than only doing things for fear of punishment or for an unrelated reward.

I've just started giving my dd (11) pocket money. Up to now, I don't think she has really needed it, as she's not really the sort of kid to need or want much. (That is not to say that I give her everything!) She has just got a mobile phone in readiness for secondary school and I told her that I will put money on it once and then after that she would have to earn money to top up. We decided that she should get 'paid' on the same day as Daddy, so she gets a payday as well. We started on dh payday last month and she has to work a month in arrears like everyone else! Mean I know, but its kept her doing her chores and she knows if she doesn't do them, money will be docked! So far, its working really, really well and the jobs I have given her, have made my life so much easier, so I can't see me forgetting that they are her jobs now!