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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Flippin eck i've had it (rant)

15 replies

TwirlyN · 18/05/2007 16:18

Yesterday i allowed DS1 who is 5 to play on the green (It's like a big front garden, right outside our door). I have let him go out 4/5 times over the last 8 months, so not a regular thing and we always agree never ever to go any further than the green. plus i can always see the children playing. The little girl i let him play with is 7. DS 1 asked if the rule, only on the green could be extended to going to little girls home. I said yes.
Last night before bed DS1 said that he and friend went to the shop (which is a 20 min walk, they were on scooters, and had to cross a road . little girl had the plan, she went into the shop stole sweets, then threw them out of the shop to DS1(waiting on getaway scooter). only little girl was caught and told off. apparently she has done this before and got away with it. So, we had the grounded, not allowed out on green again, unless with an adult, don't ever go off, never ever cross roads without an adult, and as for stealing, police bread and water were somewhere in the chat.
Today DS1 saw two friends fighting in the playground, so picked up an empty water container, and threw it at one of the boys to stop them. He has left the biggest scratch and bruise i have ever seen. The teacher seems to think DS1 has problems making friends, doesn't know how to behave, thinks pushing pulling, jumping on them, will make them into friends.
Right now, i'm deflated, how much more can i take. How do i help DS1 sort all this out, we have chats about making friends, we invite friends home for playing and dinner. I just don't know what to do...>>

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Original poster

TwirlyN · 18/05/2007 16:34

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NoodleStroodle · 18/05/2007 16:36

Sometimes it is really hard to fathom out our DC.

rosealbie · 18/05/2007 16:37

sorry don't have any advice but wanted to bump for you

Original poster

TwirlyN · 18/05/2007 18:32

So now i've taken down the rules, the star charts, the marbels, the abc chart, the numbers chart, the Dc can have fruit shoots, chicken nuggets and chips every evening, sweets for breakfast, dirty teeth, mucky hands. WE HAVE NO MORE RULES, they can do what they like, because whatever i do or say doesn't seem to make a blind bit of difference. Am i bad parent, yes, Oh and i smacked DS1 today as well.

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HonoriaGlossop · 18/05/2007 18:38

Well my ds is four and in reception and ALL the reception boys think that pushing, pulling, jumping on each other is the way to make friends so your ds is utterly normal there.

He is extremely young and it's again, utterly normal and not surprising that he was led by this older girl. You just need to not let him be put in that situation again, as you already know I'm sure! You tried giving him a bit of freedom and he wasn't responsible enough yet: fair enough, back to playing in your garden or being taken to the park for a good while then.

I can totally see why you feel 'got at' but your ds is just a normal 5 yr old and I'm sure you are doing an absolutely fine job as his parent!

Don't bin the rules, keep to them and relax about it, progress will come......

Get yourself a treat this weekend for being a good and committed mum.

Original poster

TwirlyN · 18/05/2007 18:50

thanks HG and others for your kind words, . DS1 has just asked where our house rules and all the other bits are. I've told him that's it no more rules, no more veg, no more ABC, 123. He can do what he likes, I've even offered him his confiscated jet fighter aeroplane which he used to smash holes in the walls. He just stood grinning for a while, thought about it, then said, "but mum i like our rules and everything else we had up, i like the way our house was, pleasssssssseeee can we have them back". Ahhh how sweet. So tomorrow DP and I are off to see Lionel Richie. (very rare for us to go out). DC are staying with GP overnight(i feel sorry for them, and am sure they are already looking forward to sun). But hey, it's certainly come at the right time.

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Greensleeves · 18/05/2007 18:53

Sorry you're having such a tough time with him, I have some idea how you feel, my 4yo has been hell on legs lately too. I wouldn't do "no veg, no rules, do what you like" thing though, I think it could make him feel insecure/frightened and as though you are giving up on him IYSWIM. It's lovely that he asked for them to be put back, but I wouldn't personally do that again.

Hope that's not too tactless. I really sympathise, we have had some very bad days lately too and I do lose my temper with ds1 sometimes.

Original poster

TwirlyN · 18/05/2007 19:21

thanks greeny. Your a wise woman. Your right. We've just put the boys to bed, and DS1 said "but mum your way is the right way". We had a chat about the rules going in the bin (it felt very liberating i must say). DS1 said "we do still have one rule and thats I love you mum", ahhhhh
so onto tomorrow, our house rules will be re-written, clean star charts will go up, ABC, 123 it will all be back.

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Greensleeves · 18/05/2007 19:28

I hope you have a great weekend Twirly

Original poster

TwirlyN · 18/05/2007 22:20

Thanks Greeny, HG,rosealbie and Noodle. Although it mat not seem like it to you, you've been a tower when we've needed it. Thank you.

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HonoriaGlossop · 19/05/2007 07:24

Twirly I hope you have a fantastic weekend

PrettyCandles · 19/05/2007 07:31

Twirly, you know what? You're a clever mum and you've got a clever son: you both know that house rules are a good thing and like the stability they bring. He's just not old enough yet for that sort of responsibility. And he knows it, which is why he wants the safety of house rules brought back. Have a lovely time at the concert, and when you return it's back to playing in the back garden. Give it another year (at least) before you lt him play unsupervised in an unenclosed space.

(And the teacher can go take a flying leap - his behaviour is perfectly normal.)

Budababe · 19/05/2007 07:42

He sounds pretty normal to me (See my thread on So disappointed with DS (6)) - can't do links!!

Sometimes this parenting thing is damn hard. I knw what I was doing when he was a baby!

kittyhas6 · 19/05/2007 07:46

Also twirly remember, he's only little!!!

It sounds like he's trying his best and that you are doing a really excellent job as his mum .

Now, I frequently stuff up as an adult, with my good intentions going out of the window. At five that's got to be allowed?

His teacher is a talking rubbish. All 5 year old boys I've ever known, and I've known a fair few, behave in a very, very physical way.

Original poster

TwirlyN · 20/05/2007 23:46

thanks everyone, this is why I love MN, I really don't spend a lot of time chatting, but i really do enjoy lurking, it's a great learning process. Anyway, Lionel was FAB, entertaining, comical. happy, sad, romantic and DP (who is a rock head) was well happy, and is now a Lionel Richie convert(Thanks to Ben the guitarist who rocks, I fell in love, with White Chocolate.) The boys spent the night with GP's, and loved the freedom that comes with staying with Granny and Granda. They ate a boat load of choccie biccies, didn't brush their teeth, etc etc. in fact they were filthy, scummy, smelly (deep fat frying smelling, yukky boys), but were like little pigs. Happy as... they fought, threw cushions around. get the picture... only at grannies.... So back to school... I wish and hope I don't have to add to this thread by the end of the week... lets see... I am now relaxed...will not let the little crap bug me.. will be more organised...

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