Normal for 7 year old girl?

[milkjetmum]

My dd1 has had some behaviours recently which I'm starting to wonder about.

Her temper/emotions flare up unpredictably and extremely. This is relatively rare (every few months) but when it happens it's dramatic.

I started to write a long paragraph but in brief she seems to get stuck in a distressed loop of thoughts and its very hard to get her back to her usual self. One particular bad time culminated in her getting a knife from the kitchen (bread knife!) and asking if we wanted her to stab herself . Asking us to kill her has also happened. This is obviously really hard to hear.

We started judo which we hoped would let off some steam. We ask about her day etc and let her express frustrations which seems the usual friendship stuff I would expect. We tried role play type things about how to interact in scenarios she's said were upsetting. We don't argue at home (not bragging, we are just generally chilled people) and certainly never use self harm language at all.

99% of the time this happens at home. One mini school episode, and my dsis has seen it once on a day out. I think she masks her emotions day to day and then they all erupt out of her.

Recently she has started to be very sensitive about noise, and has become very fussy about water in her ears in the shower. She has had lots of ent infections lately though.

So is this normal for a 7 year old? Or starting to indicate she might need some outside input regarding emotions?

Bump

Have you thought about talking to the GP? I have no experience to share except for one child who can be very over-emotional at times. We find that letting them go and calm down alone, but staying very nearby and being clear that as soon as they want us we are right there, has helped. At 8.5 they are much better at being in control of emotions. However, this may not be relevant to you, so I would definitely talk to a GP.

Thanks reading, the hard thing is that she's so 'good' most of the time, I feel like GP will just say it's a tantrum. And maybe it is? After the knife day I did think about going to the GP, but you know how it is, things calm down and I think maybe she was just hungry etc. Feels a bit like I'm brushing it under the carpet though if I'm honest with myself. Maybe best to start ball rolling as no doubt would be huge waiting list for any therapy if she does need something like that.

My niece is 8 and quite similar to what you describe - but not to the extent of talking about harming herself. She was diagnosed with high functioning autism.

The reaction to noise could be a sensory issue, common in autism.

Autism presents very differently in different people and doesn't necessarily look like how you might assume it would.

Then again, maybe its anxiety or something else. I'd definitly talk to a GP as it can't do any harm.

Thanks purecoldwind, I think it's definitely time to discuss with GP. Depending on the day I go from thinking it might be HFA to just low emotional intelligence to just a naughty tantrum-er! I think time for an outside opinion now.

Depending on the day I go from thinking it might be HFA to just low emotional intelligence to just a naughty tantrum-er!

Both my DDs were diagnosed with AS years ago and I still have days when I think things like this

Autism is diagnosed when it has a significant impact on someone's ability to live an everyday life. If you feel that is the case, don't allow anyone to minimise it and fob you off. If she is thinking about not wanting to be alive at this age, I would say it's having quite an impact on her.

Read around Aspergers in girls and ask her to design her magic wand world and her magic want school. They can be anything she wants them to be. No limits. What she describes may give you a clue to the things she struggles with.

Thanks goldmandra, your reply made me feel a bit as until now I'd assumed her self harm talk was more about escalating emotions to the limit she can imagine rather than a genuine wish to get away from her problems. But this is important for me to think about.

Really like the idea of dream school etc, will give that a whirl, thanks so much

milkjetmum, I'm sorry

I didn't mean to upset you.

I have been guilty of brushing cries for help under the carpet with both of my DDs and things would probably have been better if I'd reacted a bit earlier.

I hope you find some answers soon.

Thanks goldmandra,and dont worry it was helpful and I appreciate the insight. I think you are right and I also feel we've brushed aside some things which we could have acted on earlier.

Dd1 came out with a lovely idea of thinking of her emotions like an airbrush (she and DH love art working) and that you had to let a little but out at a time otherwise you get everywhere splodged in paint.

Dream school was interesting and I learned some new things that were worrying her. Haven't quite had the nerve for dream world conversation yet...

That's a wonderful description! She is so right. My DD2 bottled up all her emotions in school and everywhere was certainly splodged when she got home each day!

Glad the dream school helped :)

Sorry you're going through this, it's so hard to see them upset. The ASD thing is definitely worth exploring but I didn't want to read and run without mentioning something else.
It's horrible i know, but I work with children and we are told that unusual out character behaviour like this can be caused by kinds of abuse, not saying that's definitely the case but do talk to school and check on relationships with other kids are (bullying?)
The knife thing and wanting to die are huge alarm bells for me, for such a youngster :(
I really hope you get this sorted out and it's nothing so horrid at all, good luck xx

Thanks chocolateraisin09, yes I have heard that before too. Our current plan is to go for child/family counseling at relate in parallel to going via GP, so God forbid if anything like that is going on hopefully she would be able to disclose there even if she feels like she can't to us. Will have an open ended conversation to gently ask around other adults/children in her life and remind about pants rule etc.

The self harm talk is particularly scary. And my other fear is what she might escalate to in future eg if she decides to run away, or knows better that to choose a bread knife!

Sorry, to just jump in but I've been searching for a post like this for ages and I really need some advise. I'm at my wits end. My DD age 5 is having a bit of a ruff time at school. We have had a sit down with her teachers and she has had a 1 to 1 assessment and they think she has high functioning autism. Today has been a particularly bad afternoon for her as she had a charity event at school. She was so excited for it but the teachers pinned something on her top which made a tiny hole and she went completely mental. It's was a downward spiral from there, she screamed through the whole way through the event and we had to leave school early. Generally she is a happy little girl, but the smallest thing or noise can send her spiralling out of control. I'm sorry to jump on to your thread OP, I hope you don't mind.

KLHT, what you've described is pretty classic for a child with autism.

Maybe it would be a good idea to start your own thread with your post as your OP and then others can answer without hijacking this thread.

Thank you, I'm new to this. I'll start one later.