At breaking point... nowhere to turn

[Nikjs1865]

Hi! I am Mum to 4 and married for 12 years. My DH has always been shunned by his family and treated like the black sheep, this has obviously caused major problems with his mental health. I have always been supportive even whilst dealing with my own childhood demons. Anger (verbal anger) has always been a problem in our house - stress always seems to be top level. To try and cut a long story short my MIL tragically passed away 4 years ago, my DH then suffered with severe depression, our relationship and that with our DC were strained. DS1 & DS2 have witnessed so much anger and stress, it's like it's normal to them, their attitudes leave a lot to be desired, and they are constantly fighting and trying to hurt each other or even us. My DS3 is now starting to copy! My DD who's the eldest tries to help me hold it all together, but she's only 12, and is becoming (rightly so) fed up and is spending less and less time with us. Then last year, my DM unexpectedly passed away from a heart attack, to which I witnessed, alongside my DF. We are very close to my DP's (living opposite too). I have been a mess since losing DM, and have had heart scares myself (all clear tho). However, I have been diagnosed with severe depression, heath anxiety and panic attacks. We are now 9 months on and every day is constant arguing, fighting, hateful words, and I feel like I just want to walk out. I feel so alone, and just don't know what to do to change my life. I've spoken to my DH about it all, but whenever we are all together as a family, it erupts. It's has been spiralling out of control for years, and losing my DM has just blown us all apart. I don't want to lose my family and everything, but I am so unhappy... I crave happiness and don't know how to find it.

Sorry for the long rant. And thanks for taking the time to read xx

It sounds like you are having a really tough time, sympathies to you. I don't know how long it is since you were diagnosed, but sometimes the treatment takes a while to take effect. Am totally not an expert, so maybe if you reposted in Mental Health or even Chat you would get some more knowledgeable people replying

Hi really sorry to hear all that you are going through. I have also suffered with anxiety and depression on and off over the years, stress clearly magnifies all of this and it sounds as though you have so much stress going on at the minute. Firstly I would advise going back to your GP and reviewing your medication. I found that sometimes I needed to increase my dose or even change medication if it wasn’t helping. The cause of all of this is the stress at home though; is there anyone who could have the kids for an afternoon/evening while you and DH go for a meal/drink just to talk things through the two of you. Myself and my DH have gone through difficult times like this and often we realised that we hadn’t done anything just the two of us for ages, that even just going out for tea and talking did help. Lastly, is your DH seeing his GP for his low moods, stress and depression? It sounds like the anger and rows is his stress reaching top note (yours too) and if he isn’t getting any treatment himself it’s time to try it. You have had so much going on and life is difficult at the minute, you both need to tackle your own mental health and then spend a little time just the two of you to talk and just get away for an hour or two together. I speak from literally a very similar experience to you with mental health and my marriage so I really do get where you are coming from. You are going through the motions each day and you have to just step back and say look let’s try to change things, nobody is happy and this isn’t going to suddenly improve when you both need time out and to enjoy each other’s company (if you can) before you can start to change things. Hope this helps a little xx