Clingy, clingy 8 month DS! What to do?!

[sonnysmum]

my DS of 7 & half months is very unwilling to go to anyone else and cries for me if I am not there. When I do go to get him he clings on, rubbing his head in me & pinches my skin with his hands (more like a cat 'puddling' than a pinch). Should I react to this? Should I go to him (which is what I do) or should I leave him? All my other friends put the babes in the creche at the gym, but i just don't feel i can as he gets so frantic when I'm not there. Also feel a bit under fire as they (friends) all say I should just go for it & leave him. Not sure of best way to handle this phase?!

Don't worry about your son. This is a perfectly normal stage for this age. I found that the separation anxiety kicked in at about 8 - 9 months with my 2 and lasted for a few months. I couldn't leave the room without a major hissy fit kicking off - even had them screaming at the loo door whilst trying to have a wee!!

I tried to reassure them as much as possible. Kept telling them that mummy was just doing XYZ and would be back in a minute if I was in another room. I picked them up if it was appropriate and had to let them howl when it wasn't - like stirring a hot pan on the cooker or taking stuff out of the oven.

You should think about creche, just for your own sanity. It gets very wearing being a permanent security blanket and not having time to yourself. The worst that could happen is that your ds screams for a bit. He won't spontaniously combust! Do it for short periods to start with to get him used to it and be firm when he shrieks as you leave. They are, even at a few months old, master manipulators and scream long enough to make you feel like crap but calm down within 5 minutes!

I remember dd hitting this stage, made me feel I'd never have a minute to myself again. A wonderful mumsnetter (sorry, can't remember who) suggested the bye bye game - make a really big fuss about saying 'bye-bye', go out of the room, immediately come back in with big 'hellos' and lots of fuss, keep doing it with longer intervals in between and just make a really big game out of it whenever you have to leave the room after that. It might seem stupid or a lot of bother at first, but it was also quite good fun! I wouldn't say its a cure for separation anxiety but it really helped us and i think helped dd learn that i would be coming back soon. Don't feel forced by your friends to leave ds at creche if you don't think its right for him, but do it if you think it might help you both in the long run. fwiw dd loves nursery, but we had to move her to a new nursery just at the stage where separation anxiety kicked in - where you're at - and we did find it traumatic having to leave her crying - with nursery 4 days a week she quickly settled and was ok, but i wonder if your ds will get used to the creche if its less regular ? on the other hand you might try it and find he settles down after five mins and you both find it a really good experience. hth

Really feel for you I remember this period well and it does get very tiring. When my daughter was ultra clingy I did put her into the creche at the gym for my own sanity. I was really worried at the time but talked this through with the creche staff who were wonderful. Needless to say she did cry the first time I left her but soon settled. The staff knew I was across the corridor and did fetch me once to say she was still upset, at which point I took her home (it turned out she has an ear infection so was feeling poorly). Its worth looking at the creche but go by your own gut instinct don't be bullied by friends.

Thanks so much all of you. Have just read all advice out to DP who can't stop praising the fantastic mumsnet! Love the "Bye-bye"..."Hello" idea, but mainly glad I'm not the only one going through it! Any ideas how long it will last, and does it bear any relation to how 'clingy' they are in later life?

my dd was clingy at night at that age - 7-9 months or so, which also coincided with my return to work and successive colds. Then she perked up, started cruising, walking, beginning to talk, etc. She's now 17 months and has been rather clingy again in the last month. According to the NCT handbook on sleep by Penny Hames, there are a couple of phases where sleep can be disturbed because of separation anxiey - 7-9 months and 15-18 months so I'm delighted she is following the textbook. I also believe that in such phases the brain is developing massively just before big breakthroughs in walking and talking, which are very exciting phases.