AIBU 2 year old and other parents - what to say

[Cocoamamma]

Hello...

So my 2 year old looks older. He probably looks about 3.

We are going through some issues with hitting when over excited (he’s trying to play) and sticking hands in other kids faces (he thinks he’s tickling) at the moment (which age wise is pretty normal) and I’m correcting as we go.

Today we were at a play area and the behaviour started where he starts to get more handy shall we say so I asked him if should leave and he said yes.
Unfortunately as I was gathering our stuff together he ran off... I ran after him and then he went to a much smaller area near the door so I got to the place where our stuff was, picked it up, thinking I would grab him when he got off the slide and leave.

Unfortunately this was a wrong move and I usually know better than to leave him when he’s getting tired.

Problem is, from what I can gather, he put his hands in another kids face and that kid scratched him hard back. He was trying to tickle the boy at the top of the slide and the boys mother pushed my son back...he fell over and I picked him up from the top of the slide. It wasn’t a high slide obviously as she was able to push him back.

She said sorry to me when I came over as obviously i saw this playing out and I didn’t query it but I was fuming after we left and I had time to take stock.

As someone who is trying to model non-violent approaches to these issues should I be cross at this woman?

I understand she didn’t want him to touch her son but I just thought it wasn’t appropriate behaviour from her to a 2 year old.
I’m getting annoyed as if it happened to my child (and it has) I try to model a better thing. Like say that hurts stroking is better calmly but I wouldn’t shout no and push the child away.
I mean at the same play area a kid literally spat in my face and I just said that it was disgusting and he shouldn’t do that really matter of factly and that was that, move on!

It happened a couple of weeks ago with another woman for him being over excited again and it’s not the intervention which is annoying me; it’s the aggressive undertone. Aggression does the opposite with an excitable child figuring stuff out.

If it happens again I might lose my cool about it and just say he’s 2.

Is there a better way to deal with other parents?
Better way with the child?
What have you done in similar situations?
How about the hands are for hitting book or other books that might help?

What I do now is just focus on him and talk to him about what’s happened when it’s all calm and how some of his behaviour is getting adverse reactions but as I say he’s 2! It’s actually quite hard for him to completely understand at the moment.

Firstly, it's very difficult keeping track of a 2 year old BUT you have seen yourself that when you're not with him at all times, there's a risk of him overstepping boundaries and getting into other children's space.

When you say she "pushed him back" do you mean shoved him over? Or used a hand to push him away from her child?

If it was non-violent but firmly removing him, then I don't think she did wrong.

She was protecting her child...or she was nervous that HER child would hurt yours badly....you say hers scratched your son?

Two is small....but it's old enough to understand that physical play is not warranted with children we don't know.

Teaching him not to touch children he's not already friends or family with is vital.

Most children of two would understand this ...I don't remember my own children being touched by other 2/3 year olds when out and about.

HOw is his language? Is it coming in ok? Telling him it's better to stroke isn't the way OP because it's better not to touch people faces full stop.

You will need to be by his side....and when he goes for someone's face (start with your own) remove his hands and say "no touching faces"

You can't teach via positive reinforcement ALL the time. Sometimes a plain "We don't" or "No" is needed.

If this woman pushed your 2 year old that's obviously unacceptable. But if she just blocked him from getting to her child that's alot more understandable and to be honest I have done this in the past as one of my dc has been the target of aggressive behaviour once too often and as such can be scared by boisterous children. I do feel your pain tho - my twins are not 2 yet but on the 98th height percentile so people often expect too much of them in terms of understanding and behaviour.

It's such a difficult age they are still babies really but their behaviour can impact on others. DS was a hitter (and biter :-( ) I feel your pain. No other parents shouldn't be aggressive (but no point arguing with them I wouldn't think). In my experience can be really counterproductive. Of course you had to get your stuff together so I don't see what else you could do so not your fault ( unless another mum could help bag up your stuff).

It's hard to say without being a witness. A small push could have created some physical distance between the children (and saved her son from the "tickling") or could be an outrageous over reaction. How did your son react to the push? Falling over is everything from a wobble then falling on his bum to falling flat on his back and ending up with bruises/grazes.

It is hard to keep track of a 2 year old but I also get that sometimes you have to separate kids and telling them to stop might not suffice. She apologized for making your son fall over which is a bonus. Try not to dwell on it.