help, ds just had another expolsive tantrum!! (long sorry)

[jo25]

Have just been out with ds 4.5 and his friend, we had to leave early because ds had explosive tantrum. 95% of the time he really is the ideal child, very compliant and understanding, But on VERY RARE occassions he explodes, and i mean explode. He becomes very aggressive towards me or DH, it is almost like a red mist descends on him and he hits, punches, kicks, sratches and yells at the top of his voice. After 5 or so mins he is completely calm and back to normal. How do i stop this, any help would be gratefully recieved, we Do not show any aggression towards him and use the naughty stair as punishment. He has been banned from watching tv now for the day aswell. He has always been like this, when he was unable to talk he used to scratch at our faces to which we used to put him down and ignore him until the mist had departed but as he is getting bigger i am finding increasilng hard to restrain him. He always says sorry afterwards and we have a disscussion about it in a calm manner, and he always says he does not what happens to him and is mortifed that he has hurt us. This has probably happened no more than a dozen times in the last 4 years. He also hates upsetting people in any way. Please help i can't take much more. Just for extra info he is also a 'red head' does this really make a difference, nither DH or myself are so we just don't know!

Jo25, poor you, but from what you are saying you are handling the situation perfectly, so don't doubt your approach, stick with it! Surely the red head thing is a myth??!

Thank you so much, i will try. hopefully he will outgrow it soon. fingers crossed.

I am a red head and so are my DD and DS. I think the red head thing is a self fulfilling prophesy. If you account for his behaviour by saying it is part of the 'red head temperament' then he'll probably live up to that. I know I did! It can become a bit of an excuse I think. I'm not planning to let my kids think that anyway. We are actually quite normal (!!!) - but when we misbehave in a crowd, it kind of stands out more, because we stand out more - that's my theory!Hope this helps.

yes it does thanks, we never use the red head thing for that reason and never ignore his behaviour, but i completely see your point about standing out more!!

What sparked the tantrum? Is there a pattern do you think?

No there is no pattern, but it does get worse if he is tierd. the tantrum started because he had hit me 30 mins before because i asked him to give his friends backpack back, (friend is v.fond of it and gets upset if anybody touches it) so he had a warning. He wanted to go to the charity shop but we were going for lunch first, if he was good we would go to charity shop, he was good whilst eating but then got down from table and started running about, i explained that it was unacceptable and put him back on chair, he then scrtached my face so i told him we were not going to shop because of behaviour. The poo then hit the fan big style and thats how i found myself on here! i know it seems minor nut he did not stick to deal and had previously hit me. hope that makes sense.

Sounds like a nightmare Jo.
I end up in situations like this with my 3yr old and frequently wonder how a little thing can escalate so quickly.
I agree a 3yr old is easier to manage pysically than a 5 yr old.
DS always freaks out when he thinks a decision has gone in favour of his sister rather than him (ie that I am favouring her). He is the eldest. I wonder whether your lad understood why the backpack was so important to his friend (perhaps he thought you were just picking on him).
I try to anticipate a meltdown and divert his attention (again, easier in a young child).
I have been trying to follow the talk so your kids will listen thread (probably should just get the book) as I feel that I need to keep one step ahead of my DS and the tried and tested toddler tricks aren't working so well now.
Good luck. Hope you find something that works.