Mealtimes

[Thistledew]

DS is 21 months. Whilst he is not a particularly fussy eater and will eat a good range of foods, he is never going to be a child who is all that interested in food. When he is properly hungry he will eat a surprising amount, but more often than not he just isn't that bothered about eating and would rather be off and playing with his toys.

This is particularly the case if he is teething- at the moment he has two partially erupted canines and one more on the way, but also if he is tired or in any way under the weather.

When he is in an eating mood he will sit quite nicely and feed himself with a combination of fork/spoon and fingers. When he is not in an eating mood he will take literally one or two mouthfuls and then get down from the table and refuse to return.

I don't want to force him to eat, but I really think he needs to eat a decent dinner. He is a skinny thing - on the 91st centile for height and only around the 20th for weight. He is not yet fully night weaned and will only sleep through if he has had a good dinner.

Last night was a case in point. He came and sat at the table and ate literally two mouthfuls and then got down. When I tried to return him to his seat or sit him on my knee to feed him he turned into a biting, scratching monster. I ended up plonking him in his cot because he would not stop trying to bite me. After a couple of times of me taking him back out and him again trying to bite, I eventually asked him if he wanted pyjamas and bed or dinner, and he said dinner. He then did sit and allowed me to feed him whilst we read a story.

I do sometimes use TV or a video on my phone to distract him and stop him running off from the table, but really don't want to rely on this too much.

I really don't want to turn dinner time into a battle ground, but how do I get him to sit and eat? I would like to get to the situation where he stays sitting at the table and just leaves his food if he is not hungry, because at the moment he seems to run off and play as a means of distracting himself from food, as he will usually eat once I find a way of persuading him to sit at the table, or if I follow him around feeding him as he plays with his toys.

Any suggestions at all? I don't feel like I am handling this very well.

Has he always been on these centiles OP? What does he eat in a typical day?

Thanks JJJ.

A good day's food will be roughly as follows:

Breakfast-

One egg (he will often leave the yolk), sometimes with about 1/3 slice whole meal toast
-or-
Maybe a dozen baby spoons of banana porridge
-or-
Half slice of toast with nut butter.

Lunch-

Usually ploughman's style with 3 slices of cheese, 4/5 olives, couple of pieces of artichoke heart, couple of slices of cucumber, couple of slices of avocado, maybe a couple of slices of salami, sometimes 1/4 piece of flatbread.

If we are out and about he will have most of one sandwich.

If he hasn't had an egg for breakfast I might do a one egg mushroom omelet.

Dinner-

He eats pretty much what we have- pea and lentil pasta with tomato and veg sauce is a favourite, as is fish pie. He will happily eat quinoa or cous cous, again with veg sauce. Risotto or kedgeree. He loves a piece of fish or a good quality sausage. Portion size on a good day is probably a little smaller than my fist size.

He will quite often have some blueberries or grapes as dessert but does not generally have a sweet tooth.

Snacks -

We don't tend to snack a lot, but I try to offer something mid morning and mid afternoon. He might have a banana or satsuma or half a small yogurt drink. After something like going swimming he might have 3-4 dried apricots or a small piece of flapjack.

He often has half a cup of fruit smoothie with a meal and has a current addiction to Yakult, which I limit to a maximum of two a day!

He still breastfeeds morning and night, and before going for his late morning/early afternoon nap if I am at home, but doesn't get this when I am working. He usually wakes at least once in the night for a feed.

I always offer more food than he eats, but he will definitely let you know when he has had enough. He is not one to eat just for the sake of eating. It has only been a couple of times that he has ever asked for a snack or helped himself to the fruit bowl.

He has always been on those centiles.

Bump? Anyone have any suggestions?

Normally, I’d say that his centiles aren’t in proportion and speak to your HV but if he has always been on them, they must be right for him.

I wouldn’t let him down from the table until everyone has finished eating though, assuming that you all eat together.

Thanks again for your reply.

The HVs have no issue with his proportions. DH and I are both tall and slim.

Unfortunately, it's not really possible for us all to eat together in the evening during the week as DH doesn't get home from work until gone 6, and DS gets too tired and hungry if dinner is later than about 5.30/5.45. We usually eat breakfast together and I eat lunch with him when I am not at work and we eat together at weekends, but he is no better at sitting at the table on those occasions.

We had to stop using the high chair some months ago as he would just refuse to sit in it- he would go rigid and refuse to sit or if we forced him in he would rock it so violently it would be in danger of falling over. A furious, screaming state is even less conducive to eating than sitting on a chair that he can get off.

I do usually sit with him and talk to him when he is eating, but if he is in an eating mood he will quite often eat really well if he is on his own and I'm just pottering around the room.

The problem is distracting him when he is not keen to eat, and I don't want to get in the habit of using screen time to persuade him to sit, unless this really is the lesser of the two evils.

Would he be happier if you had a booster seat for one of the dining chairs or a harness?

Could you eat with him in the evenings? My DH used to get in later but i’d eat with the DC and DH would have his when he got home. I think it takes the pressure off a bit if you’re both eating.

From what you’ve said, he’s tracking his centiles and is self regulating his food intake, both of which are great. I don’t think you’ve got a problem getting him to eat, I 5hink you just need to get him used to sitting at the dinner table and not getting down when he feels like it.

Have you read Help My Child Won’t Eat? It may give you some reassurance on the amount he’s eating