Ds seems to have no friends, not sure what to do.

[JoyceDivision]

Try not to make this too long, but getting myself in a fret over this.

Ds 9, timid but chatty, very sociable and caring (traits traditionally you would associate with girls rather than running round, noisy shoiting football playing etc) , one of the oldest in his class but also one of the smallest.

Ds has never been in a fight, and on previous occasions in ks1 when having issues with a child he nevrr stood up to them and ended up playing with one particular girl. Theydid get on really well but the boy ds had issues with ensured ds couldn't join in with groups of boys, and the teacher was rubbish at dealing with it, unfortunately.

I know ds still doesn't join in with boys in his class (and it is more nboys than girls) whether it's football, running round or anything similar at lunch and break. He said he'llusually sit and read by himself or play with a girl who hasn't got any friends in his class.

Dj dropped him at school today and noticed someboys were laughing at him and mimicking him running,including one that is a friend, but nit hugrly close as he is waaay more boisterous than ds.

Dh is concerned ds won't join in and srems too svared to pkay, and that he's not included or viewed as a peer in thesocial group of boys in the class.

Now I'm fretting that ds is spending a lot of time really as a loner, and not because of choice, but because he isn't oitgoing enough to join in andthe main group of boys aten't interested in hin (most pkay for some rugby or foitball team, ds isn't intrrested in them has tried them before).

Putting his name down for cubs, going to speak to pastoral at school but feelsick ds is being left out.

He is bright and however I briach ithealmost knows what I'm fishing for orchatting about and tells mewhat I want to hear... When I mentioned dh heard boys laughing he made up a story about using the fur of his hood as a beard to make them laugh by pulling it off his hood... It's still attached.

What should I do?

There’s nothing kids find more scary than someone who isn’t the same 😳

And it’s OK to be different.
Truly it is.

I guess the big question Is if he is bothered by his school situation?
Does he feel lonely or is he a loner naturally. he knows you’ve got some anxiety around the idea of him spending time on his own so I guess he isn’t going to be forthcoming while he thinks it’s seen as a problem. I just wonder if he is bothered? Not all kids are. (I was a loner and I wasn’t).

Maybe there is something your son does want to do as a hobby outside of school where he will meet like minded individuals, dare I say, smarter kids that have better things to do with themselves than comment on how someone runs?

I’m sure there would be something he would, firstly, be interested in and then he would probably make friends along the way too.
Maybe he could take up a martial art? Chess club? Book club as he likes books. A debating group?
An instrument? Drama class? Photography class?
Instruments are good as you practice alone but later on you can join a band or orchestra. Also it has a bit of kudos playing an instrument but ultimately he needs to find what he is interested in.
Many martial arts aren’t just about fighting but control and discipline which are useful life skills as well as exercise.

I don’t know if this is helpful at all but I hope he isn’t unhappy in himself.

I agree with everything Cocoamamma said.

I would talk to the teacher about the other boys mocking him as that needs to be stamped out. You don't even need to mention to your DS that you are talking to the teacher about that if that would worry him.

Your DS might just be unlucky that there isn't a similar type child in his class that he can click with. Is there other classes in the year group? Maybe there are children in a similar position in other classes that he could be introduced to. My son has aspergers and his teacher introduced him to another boy in one of the other classes who is also interested in the things my son is and who also doesn't like football. They chat in the yard everyday now whereas before that my son was standing about because he didn't want to play football like the others.

I would stop querying your son about lack of friends as you are making it an issue and showing your anxiety about it which will just make him feel more anxious too. I was very quiet as a child and my dad was always pushing me to be more sociable but his doing so just made things worse as it made me view myself negatively. It is important that your son can feel completly accepted for who he is when he is at home.

You need to accept your DS as he is. There is no point trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Embrace the fact that he is different and help him to pursue his interests. I know its hard to see your son on the edge of things - i found it hard with my son for a few years - but your son's way of being happy in life is not the same way as it is for the other boys in his class and he needs to be allowed to follow his path.

He might have a better chance of finding a group of like-minded children at secondary school where there is a bigger pool of children.

I wouldnt have mentioned the boys laughing at him personally. He probably made the story up out of embarrassment. I would have a word with the school to make sure they keep an eye on things. In the meantime is there any other clubs he could join to make friends out side of school? Scouts? Sea cadets? Air cadets? Do any of your friends have boys his age you could spend more time with?

Does your school have any nurture groups? Do they offer support in the playground? My kids schools had friendship benches (you sit on them if you want someone to play with) as well as a playground supervisor doing organised games like "What's the time Mr Wolf" They also has a calmer area where the rule was no running or shouting which is perfect for reading.
Is your ds unhappy or is he content being alone?