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sleep problems 2yr old

15 replies

linniewith2 · 08/08/2004 12:51

Hi all new this board, I have 2 dd's 2yrs & 4wks my problem is with my 2yr old she was never set a strict bedtime routine and has been cosleeping with us since a viral infection at age 1 ! I now want to set up a bedtime routine that will allow me to get her back in her own bed, she is a good sleeper but hard to get to sleep at night, I also want this routine to allow for the fact that I have a 4wk old lo who feeds alot in the evening, I think thats where my problem lies in the fact that the lo is coming 1st in the evening and I am unable set a strict timetable my df works twilight shift so I have no help in the evenings. Also should I be putting the lo in her cot at what I want to be her eventual bedtime to get her used to it or is it a bit early to start this yet! sorry for all the questions & the long posting.
Regards
Lyn

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joanneg · 08/08/2004 12:58

Hi lyn. Well I have a couple of suggestions.

  1. could your bf have some time off to help you establish a routine?

I would decide what you want to do as a routine and stick to it. No matter how hard it gets. Even if this means having a friend or relative help you.
Decide what you want dd bed time to be. Then have a simple routine such as bath, story, cot. For the first night stay with her until she is a sleep. Then gradually over a couple of weeks move out of the room.

It is all about establishing a routine and sticking two it. You are retraining her and once she gets used to it and realises that you mean business she will be ok.

I would tackle one problem at a time. Sort out dd and get her into a routine and then worry about the 4wk old. they are still very young. so dont worry.

Hope this helps - was rushed as Big brothers little brother is on and I want to watch it!! Will come back later and put some more ideas!
good luck, Jo

tinytoes · 08/08/2004 13:05

hi linnie
snep snap snap
same problem
i started a post called screaming bedtime last week
have come to the conclusion that the only thing i can do at the moment ,is move into spare room (needs sorting out) and leave him to it.controlled crying is hard but it is worth it and it seems to work fairly quickly(in less than a week)
i see it as being cruel to be kind-cause they cant sleep with you for the rest of their lives can they.
it makes me feel guilty though like i should 've had a better routine and more diciplined bedtime but i'd bet lots of others are in the same situation
its just got more difficult too as this week hes managed to climb out of his cot
from what i can gather its never too early to start them in a good routine-with hindsight i know its the best thing to do

Twiglett · 08/08/2004 13:06

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Twiglett · 08/08/2004 13:07

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tinytoes · 08/08/2004 13:29

you are right here twigs
my ds was ok (i did some contr.crying when pg
thought i had sussed it till dd came along
sorry id stupidly forgotten to mention this

Tania2 · 08/08/2004 13:31

Linniewith2 I have been there so many times. Done the controled comforting/crying think i cryed more than him. ds was a wonderful sleeper had no problems until he was 9 mths old and fell sick with croup and dh and i got the flu so then same as you let him come to bed with us. so much easier we all got some sleep) if dd is still having her day sleep does she give you grief then too? I found it was easier to get the day sleep sorted first then attempt the night. Routine is the key. maybe while you are feeding you could have dd1 sitting next to you while you read her a book. then once bubs has finished feeding you could then put dd1 to bed. she will then feel that you have spent time with her and it is nice and relaxing for you both. She is at the age now that you can tell her the next step and she will understand. once she is in bed tell her that you will back soon to check if she is being a good girl and gone to sleep. if she crys out again, stay calm go back into her and tell her it is "time to sleep mummy loves you and will be back soon" Keep repeating this until she is asleep. each night it will be less times you need to go in but trust me she will test you every now and then but stay strong and tell her that mummy loves her and its time to sleep. also try giving her a comforter eg: a special blanket, a teddy whatever she is attached to. my ds goes to bed with blanky, baa baa (lamb teddy) and a bottle of water. he does still wake in the middle of the night sometimes he can be settled but mostly he comes in for cuddles with mummy and daddy. we love it cause lets face it there will be a day when we want them to come for cuddles and they will say yuck! this innocent time is too short lap it up while you can. sorry for rambling hope i have helped alittle.

linniewith2 · 08/08/2004 13:58

Thanks for all your advice ! I did give controlled crying a go before lo got here but found it too upseting for me and her as she got so mad she started headbanging the cot and I was realy worried that she would hurt herself, The daytime nap is no problem although she falls asleap downstairs she does this on her own just climbs on the sofa and bang she is asleap! bedtime has been as late as 11.45pm recently she just seems to have so much energy daytime nap is normaly around 11.30am so I've no idea how she manages to keep going. She loves her bedroom and is always asking to go and play in there but even in the day she refuses to be left alone. What do you all think to a junior bed ?
Thanks again
lyn

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Tania2 · 08/08/2004 14:20

My girlfriend was having trouble with her dd 18mths old at the time. dd would only go to sleep (day & night sleeps) in lounge with them having her bottle then they would put her to bed after she fell asleep. she seemed scared of her cot. I had suggested to her that they put a single bed in her room and see if she would lay in there when she got tired or they could lay in the single bed and read her a book till she went to sleep. first night see took herself to bed and went to sleep,woke in middle of night to find her crying in the kitchen she had got lost. now they leave a light on so when she wakes in the middle of the night she goes and climbs into bed with them. She is now 21 mths and night times are alot more relaxed even with a 12 week old baby also.

ionesmum · 08/08/2004 20:30

linniewith2, I havwe just had the same thing with my dd1 (aged 2 and a bit) who co-slept, I have a dd2 who was about 8 weeks at the time. I used a technique called gradual withdrawl. First, I found moving dd to a bed a big help - get dd1 to help to choose bedlinen etc. If you are worried about her falling out, you can put the mattress directly on the floor. We also have a stairgate rather than a door but if you do that you have to make sure there is nothing in the room that can be used to climb on to get over the gate. We also have a plastic photo holder with loads of pics of dd1 enjoying herself hung where she can see it from the bed, and she has a special bear that she 'looks after' for mummy.

We have found a regular bedtime/routine a must. At first I had to sit there feeding and reading stories at the same time, but now dd2 is older and can last between feeds, sometimes I leave her in her cot and sometimes she sits in her chair and listens to the story!

To do g.w., start by sitting beside your dd1 as she falls asleep, either on her bed or in a chair if she is in her cot. Leave when she goes to sleep and repeat every time she wakes, naps etc. Then gradually move further away - the end of the bed, then a chair beside the bed, then move the chair towards the door until you are outside it. Remember to be really boring. You have to do this every time - I sat one night on dd1's bed, b/feeding dd2 and picking out my desert island discs in my head for two hours! The point is, this does work - in two weeks we had dd1 going through the night and now we have her bedtime routine, story, lights out, prayers, relaxing c.d. on and I leave her to it.

As for dd2, I am currently keeping her up until I go to bed. She goes through the night (!) and when I put her to bed at the same time as dd1, she started night wakings again, so at the moment she naps in her travel cot in our sitting room in the evening if need be. I do have a set routine that I follow with her at bedtime so that she knows what happens - bath, massage, feed, bed. I think that the regular bedtimes will come once she is weaning.

I have to say that dd1 has showed no jealously of dd2, but then I found that including dd2 in her routine has helped her to accept her i.e. they can do things together. Also we keep making a point of how much dd2 loves dd1 - 'oh, look, she's smiling at you, she really likes you' etc seems to have helped.

ionesmum · 08/08/2004 20:34

Sorry, ahe just read my post and teh g.w. thing isn't very clear. What I mean is that you sit on the bed for a few nights, then beside it for a few nights, then a bit further away for a night or two and so on. Hope that's clearer!

Fran1 · 08/08/2004 23:03

Hi there,
I have an 18 mth old who has never slept well, ending up in our beds most nights and never went to sleep in her cot. Mainly because i think i traumatised her using cc method and a mixture of other things.
We did as someone else suggested, (we had just moved house so at last she had her own bedroom) decorated her bedroom and put just a matress on the floor. Now she feels very grown up and happily lays down in it at bedtime. Unfortunately i still have to wait in the room until she is asleep, we read books, then turn the light out and she normally falls asleep. so i feel like we are half way there! and i suppose you could do that whilst breastfeeding the 4 wk old.
As someone else said also, we leave the hall light on, and if she wakes in the night she just gets in our bed and goes back to sleep.
So its not perfect but the most important think is that we don't have crying anymore at bedtime!
HTH

linniewith2 · 11/08/2004 00:31

Thought I'd got it sussed tonight asleap @ 7.30 woke @ 8.30 just gone back down 12.20am !!!!!!!!

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linniewith2 · 17/08/2004 23:20

Right wish me luck ! I have set up a junior bed today, dd was with me when I did it, it's in our bedroom at the foot of our bed.
I thought that I could get her used o sleeping n her own bed before attempting to move her in to her own room.

She had a great time today after I set it up of lyimg down in it and pretending to be asleap, so if she wakes she should know where she is and that we arn't far away.

Fingers crossed

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linniewith2 · 17/08/2004 23:21

sorry my spelling/typing is awful !

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linniewith2 · 22/10/2004 11:30

Hi all just resurecting this thread to give you all an update.......Well basicly I gave up trying to get her in to her own bed while the house was still in a state of confusion over the arrival of dd2, and then the other evening after dd1 had crashed out on the sofa while having her story I thought I'd try again and I took her up and placed her in to her own bed and amazingly she stayed there all night and didn't stir and in the morning just sat up in her bed and insited i sat next to her for a chat....I was heaping praise on her of course about how proud I was and what a clever, brave, special girl she was to of slept in her own bed all night.
It has now been 3 days of her sleeping through the night on her own and I am truly amazed after countless attempts at cc she just suddenly one day decides to do it with no fuss or hassal, I know its early days and i still have to move her bed from our room to hers but one step at a time!
dd2 has also turned out to be a dream baby sleeping 10hrs a night at 15wks.
So thanks for all your advice !

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