Unhappy 9 year old

[Amandella]

My dd is a lovely, bright 9 year old and she has always seemed a very happy and loving child. I ask her how school went every day and she says "fine" - she's never worried about going. Her teachers are pleased with her progress and say she's a happy sociable pupil. She has a couple of close friends at school and a larger group of girls that she plays with intermittently. I encourage her to have friends over for tea and sometimes sleepovers and she goes to their houses too and all in all appears to have a thriving social life. I have really had no cause for concern at all until the past few weeks where she's become increasingly moody and volatile. Still insisting there's nothing wrong despite me sitting down and having long girly chats with her - we've always been close and I do feel she would be willing to talk to me about anything. Anyway, this weekend she had a major wobbly and was very upset and it all came out that she feels "different". She simply can't explain why - or in what way - except to say that she feels that she's different to everyone else. After a lot of tears and upset, I asked her if she could draw a picture of what she felt and she did. It was a circle and a little circle next to it. She had put that everyone was in one group and she was in a "different group that doesn't exist".... I'm confused. Anyway, so I'm thinking that she's feeling left out at school and maybe picked on in the playground or something. So, I ask her specifically about this and she says that she plays with different people and no-one is horrible to her or leaves her out but she it's just that she feels "different". She then says she feels moody sometimes and finds it difficult to concentrate. I wonder if any of this is related to pubity or hormones or anything like that as she's very tall for her age - she takes aged 11 clothes - and I've noticed that her breasts are very slightly developing. I think she is just perhaps confused about everything but I don't want to assume this in case it's something more serious. This morning, I had another chat prior to school and asked her if she was worried about going or worried about anything that might happen at school and she said absolutely not, and that she liked school. I offered to take her to the doctor to talk with her about feeling different and she said she didn't need to go.
I wonder whether I should do anything more of just leave it and see how things go but I am worried about her.....
Any thoughts/advice/ideas would be really welcome. Thanks.

Oh your poor dd and poor you. Hugs to both.

I know just how your dd feels, because that's how I always felt as a child, and to some extent I still do as an adult. It wasn't that I didn't have friends - I did - and there was nothing else bad going on. But for as long as I can remember I was always conscious that I wasn't quite the same as everyone else (or so it seemed). I felt interested in different things. I reacted in different ways. My mum told me once that she used to watch me at playtime (our house was opposite the primary school playing field) and she said I always seemed to be on the outside looking in. Being the brainy one in class and slightly shy didn't help.

Anyway, enough about me. I don't really know what to suggest, because it didn't bother me that much until puberty because then I worried that I wouldn't find a boyfriend. Hormones may well have something to do with it, and she is probably just a very emotionally intelligent and aware little girl. If your dd has friends, that's good, keep being positive about that, and try to make her feel positive about her individuality and just generally keep boosting her confidence. Eventually she should come to an age where she'll be glad to be different and will celebrate her individuality.
HTH

Thanks for that. I guess my real worry is that there's something more to it that she's not telling me....
Also I'm wondering whether I ought to tell the school that she's not too happy or just leave it?? I don't want to go behind her back but I thought that they might just keep an eye on her?

My 9 year is very tearful at the moment, her breasts have also slightly developed over the last few months. She is very thin, but quite muscular,and only slightly taller than average.
She has cried for over an hour recently over really silly things.

I have reaad that the rewiring of the brain that happens in teenage years actually starts in girls from the age of 8.

She has just admitted that she was worried about going away to cub camp for the first time last weekend.

I have a 9.5 yr old son who is also getting into gear hormonally. All my friends with girls are reporting signs of puberty kicking in (moodswings, over sensitivity, a little secrecy, tearfullness)

TBH, if you can eliminate the obviuous worries (like bullying) etc, I would assume she is feeling a little 'teenage' anst albeit it early. Can you encourage her to keep a diary, and write things down? (I found this helpful as a full-on angst-ridden would be teen goth, who felt she was far too sensitive and special for the rest of the world )

The other thing is to lay on some 'aunties'/grandmas/older cousins etc and gently make sure she knows she has other outlets for talking - not just you. Even if you are terribly close, as she enters adolescence, I think there is often an element of not wanting to share evrything with your parents...