9 year old girl just started major tantrums

[Tbear1]

Hi, my daughter is 9 and has changed dramatically over the pass two months, being aggressive, screaming, slamming doors, saying really hurtful things and going quite crazy at times. We have discussed and written up house rules, have a token system for screen time and have tried to be consistent with consequences (10 mins earlier to bed for every rule break, or for worse behaviour a days screen ban. We have talked about expressing anger in a responsible way and given her space to chill out, but we are still getting these sudden uncontrollable tantrums for the smallest thing especially when she’s tired. Please can anyone give me any advice as I’m at a loss to know what I’m doing wrong 😩

My DD is 10 and this sounds like about every other day in our house!

I’ve bought my DD this book which seemed to have helped, and being consistent helps too. We also do the 10 mins earlier to bed thing, which she hates but does seem to work.

There’s a really good Preteens section on MN too

Thank you JJJ it helps just to know I not the only one! Thanks for the info I will look into that... just hope they calm down and peace is restored soon 😊

So far this morning we’ve had yelling and for slamming. She’s currently sitting on the sofa with her fingers in her ears so that she can’t hear what we are saying. She’s hilarious

Just about avoided that situation this morning, we are learning to say our piece but not pushing it too much to avoid melt downs! After school, had a small break through, she started to get angry about me telling her not to do something, she said the usual “you’re winding me up...” started to steam at the ears but took herself upstairs to calm down, no slamming or bashing around but came down wailing, I think she wanted a reaction but I just said “well done, for going upstairs and calming down without doing anything that has ‘consequences’ and she perked up immediately and said her head hurt from banging it on the wall 😩. I ordered the book you suggested and two others in the series...they arrived today! They look good yet to find out the effects! Hope you have a better day tomorrow 😁👍

Much better day thank you. Hope the books work for you

What is the book called, I think I would find it helpful 😊

This is the book....The Feelings Book: The Care & Keeping of Your Emotions (or follow this link on JJJs post). Unfortunately she took one look at it and freaked, she refuses despite all bribes, rewards etc to even acknowledge it, just looking at the book makes her angry... I think she really doesn’t want to face her feelings! But we are getting somewhere... I now remove myself (sit at the bottom of the garden] and wait till she quietens down and then give her the consequences of her actions. Slowly getting there, much less incidents. Also really believe it’s a lot to do with hormones as for the last two weeks, she suddenly reverted back to her old calm self, but unfortunately today was awful, she said she had loads of tears inside her she needed to get out, nothing major has happened, may just be tiredness? She is also talking to me much more about friendship problems and even the slightest thing is so big to her at the moment. Off camping for a week, just hope we have no major meltdowns on site 🤭😁