Help me with dd's behaviour

[tammybear]

Dd has always been a "good" girl. She's 20months, but rarely cries and always enjoying herself. Mum and sister have a noticed a change in her the past few weeks, and although I have too, the way they talk about it is as if Im neglecting dd or something

Dd always cries when I leave the room, even if I tell her Im just going toilet back in a minute. She has started crying when tv programmes finish. She cries when she goes to bed (which she never use to). She cries if I tell her no. Cries if she doesnt get her own way. And although she has never really liked going around the shops before, the other day she was screaming as if she had been kidnapped or something.

Yesterday for example, I went to the hospital and (without going into too much detail) I was bleeding when I came out. The first thing I did when I got back to my mums was go to the toilet to sort myself out. Noone wants to go around bleeding and staining their clothes do they?? Well anyway dd saw me, I said hi Ill be back in a minute and went -p['
=straight to the toilet as I could feel I was bleeding A LOT! Anyway sorted myself out, sister went to move her car, she came back, I had to run to the shop as I had nothing in. Dd was annoying sister so she didnt see me leave. And then when I came back, I had to put the car seat in sister's car as she doesnt know how. Apparantly when I was doing that, dd was screaming her head off which i could hear from outside and she ended up biting sister's arm. She has NEVER bitten anyone before. Sister didnt tell me what happened. Just went into the car, went home, and she left.

Mum came around earlier, and said that both of them had noticed a change, and sister didnt want to tell me that dd had bitten her, and so told mum, who also didnt know whether to tell me or not. The way she was saying it made it sound like its my fault. She was saying I need to sort out what dd's like when I leave her, but as dd is always around me how can i? Other things were said that really REALLY annoyed me, such as mum wonders if its because Im not showing dd enough attention.

I know Im not the best mum in the world. But I do try my best with dd. Does anyone have any suggestions as to why dd might be like this, or how I can help her tantrums?

Thanks xxx

tammybear

do you think its like "separation anxiety" when she doesn't want you to leave? It sounds either like that or the start of "terrible two" when they start to develop their personality and push the boundries, or is there anything that has changed to make her unsettled.

Whatever it is don't blame yourself, its not anything you have done. And I shouldn't take any notice of your mum or your sister.

i did think it might be seperation anxiety. ive been offered a job and looking into childcare for dd at the moment, and i was wondering if she senses something is going to happen. i think she bit my sister because dd was being held by sister whilst she was throwing a tantrum and she hates that. not much has changed really, although I have been a bit of a mixed emotion lately due to a break up with dp. but it did seem to start when she stayed over at my mum's for a couple of nights

Tammybear

Well it sounds like she could be a bit unsettled, surprising how they pick up on things and it can change their attitudes. Or maybe something happened at your mums to start her off.
If it was me I would try to be as positive as I could and give her lots of attention, and spend time with her and let her know that I loved her, and try to ignore the tantrums and bad behaviour as much as you can.

My kids are a lot older than yours so I am trying to rack my brain to when they were little and what they did.I used to bite my brother and I think it is an attention thing usually.

Hope it sorts out

Hi Tammybear - sorry to hear you're havibg problems with your dd. Can't be much help in that area as my ds is only 4 months but just wanted to say that don't worry too much about what your mum said. It's not your fault. She probably can't remember what it's like to have young kids and you know what mum's can be like - sticking their oar in I'm sure you're doing a wonderful job

tammybear, has the separation with your dp happened recently? Does she see less of him than she used to? It may be that she's become extra clingy of you because as one parent has 'gone' she's afraid you will too?

All that aside, a lot of what you're describing sounds typically like a child moving into the 'two's' time. My dd is 22 months and over the last month I've noticed a lot of changes in her behaviour without there having been any major changes in our lives. She went through a phase of being desperately clingy to me about 18 months and that's eased a bit just lately but she's got much more of a temper in the last month. She hasn't had what I think of as a real 'tantrum' yet but she does get a lot more frustrated about things not going her way than she used to.

To be honest, rather than you not giving her enough attention, I think this might happen with children who get a lot of attention. If it was a lack of attention why would it be happening now in particular? As you describe her as previously happy and secure you must have been doing a brilliant job to now and it's because she loves you and enjoys your company that now she's developing a 'will' of her own she's seeing if she can make that attention stretch a bit further. You can never give too much attention as far as a toddler's concerned. My dd gets loads of really good attention but she's still always open for more! In fact I get the opposite criticism from my mum and MIL, that I give her too much attention and so the change in her behaviour is because of that.

You just can't win can you?

hey strangerthanfiction, the split with my dp was a couple of weeks ago. he's not her father, and he wasn't living with us anyway, and so I dont think that it's due to her wondering where he's gone as she only saw him every so often anyhow. If anything it may have just been her picking up on my emotions.

I was wondering if it was due to the "terrible twos" but dd has always been a bit late in developments and things like that, so I wasnt sure.

Thanks xx