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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

3 YO wont eat anything but chicken nuggets and chips

12 replies

fluffycorn · 19/04/2018 11:47

SD 3 only eats chicken nuggets and chips
her BM has told OH to ensure he feeds her this.
I suggested trying her with some homemade pasta last weekend but she was having none of it so OH gave her what she wanted.

I am really torn on what to do - on one hand shes not my child and I am not going to be the one to cause any arguments between OH and BM - the whole thing gets volatile enough without me sticking my 2 cents in - but on other hand surely its not even remotely healthy to literally ONLY eat this.

She will eat coco pops in the mornings but wont finish it.

I dont have kids of my own so genuinely have no idea what to do!

Please dont kick off at me either, Im really not here to be an interfering SM - OH is clueless and I just want to help him out and figured I would ask you mums what you would suggest.

TIA

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AjasLipstick · 19/04/2018 11:58

You're right to worry about her. That's a terrible diet. Your partner should be parenting her as he sees fit when he has her....can you suggest that the two of you watch this together? It's very informative.

Original poster

fluffycorn · 19/04/2018 12:25

Thank you so much for responding. I’m at work atm but will definitely check it out when I finish.

It’s so difficult as oh is such a fussy eater as well and MIL agrees to just see her chicken nuggets and chips because when OH was a kid he would rather go hungry than eat anything but potatoes.

When I was a kid I wasn’t allowed to leave the dinner table till I had at least tried to eat as much as I can. When I say this though I just get met with the response of “parenting has changed” 🙄

And also reminded of the fact that I’m not a Mum so I have no clue. Valid point. I’m not a Mum. But I have eyes and I can see the poor kid is unhealthy.

BM hit the roof when OH mentioned he even offered her an alternative and said hes out of order because if she doesn’t eat what she wants she won’t eat at all and he’ll be starving her... definitely not the case.

A part of me just wants to say fine - not my circus - not my monkeys!

OP posts:

AjasLipstick · 19/04/2018 13:47

It's not great to make kids eat "as much as you can" either. Because that sets them up for overeating and losing their sense of being full naturally...your OH doesn't sound "fussy" but just like he has a shit diet.

Is your step DD good with language? How is she developmentally?

Original poster

fluffycorn · 19/04/2018 13:58

It's not great to make kids eat "as much as you can" either. Because that sets them up for overeating and losing their sense of being full naturally

Sorry - I meant for example if I wouldn't eat my s[routs because i thought they were gross she would encourage me to at least try and eat some of one - turns out I love sprouts!

Oh god parenting really is a mine field isnt it! How do you all do it! I think all this has made me realise I would be such an awful mum :(

Her speech isnt good at all but not sure if its normal for a 3YO? I cant understand much of what she says.

We went to an animal farm a couple days ago and called every single thing a pig which I found surprising as my 18mnth old niece can name basic farm animals

Even when corrected she just continues calling them pigs

Only colour she knows how to say is purple but thinks everything is purple...

She will happily stay in a dirty nappy and even if OH asks if shes been toilet she will say no - again not sure if thats normal.

I dont like to say these things about her as it sounds so mean coming from me when she's not my child. I do just want what is best for her but people always think I am just being critical of her and BM's parenting so I have learned to just stay quiet.

Only reason I came on here to post was because she has been Ill so many times this year and I'm sure her diet and lack of fruit/veg is not helping

Please dont think I am being judgmental - I feel awful for saying any of this I just feel so clueless

I have never had much to do with children at all before meeting OH last year and its been very tough. I have spent my life pursuing a career and thought kids would be a long way off

OP posts:

AjasLipstick · 19/04/2018 14:06

There....I suspected there might be some developmental issues. My friend was the same over food with her DS who also had difficulties and he turned out to be Autistic...not saying your DSD is but she does sound like she has some developmental issues going on....so her Mum is probably worried about that even if she's not discussing it....letting her child eat what she wants is her way of making her life and her DD's easier.

Is she going to nursery at all? It sounds like she needs referring to speech therapy OP...your partner can do that as her Dad...a trip to the doctor will help that along the way.

Apple23 · 19/04/2018 14:29

I'd serve help-yourself meals when she is at yours and include the things she will eat amongst the options. Make no comment as to what she eats or does not eat - treat it all as being perfectly normal and boring.

Alongside that, involve her in the cooking process as part of day-to-day life in your house, so she gets to handle (and taste) other foods so they are more familiar when they appear as options.

Apple23 · 19/04/2018 14:39

Cross-post with the update on development. Does she have a dummy in the daytime?

My advice still stands, and is particularly relevant if your niece visits for mealtimes as she will notice SD gets different food, which might set you and her parents up for some awkward conversations.

You'll have lots of opportunities for SD to develop her language if you just include her in day to day talk, naming and describing what you are doing and including her in mealtime talk.

Apple23 · 19/04/2018 14:43

By "you", I mean 'you plural' as she's his child and you are supporting him in caring for her when she is at home with you both.

Original poster

fluffycorn · 19/04/2018 15:01

BM does not want her to go to nursery so stays home with her.

OH has suggested speech therapy before and was threatened with no contact if he insinuates she is raising her kid badly.

OH is an absolute softy to a fault and wouldn't dare insinuate this at all. She is obviously just very defensive of her DD and cant bare to hear any criticism of her even if its in her best interests.

@Apple23
I always get her to help me cook and she really enjoys it as shes quite a "clingy" (word sounds awful but I dont know another word for it - I just mean she loves doing things with others and wont do anything alone like play etc) little girl so enjoys helping me with anything!

She loves things like helping do the washing, putting clothes in piles etc and will happily assist me when I make dinner - but as soon as it is time to eat its game over. if its not chicken nuggets and chips - its not going in....

I even made homemade chicken bites and she refused!

OP posts:

AjasLipstick · 20/04/2018 01:11

The only thing you can do is to offer the child as many opportunities to thrive as possible. When she starts school, your partner will be entitled to recieve all information about how she is doing and to speak to her teachers himself.

They will probably arrange for her to be assessed for speech and language issues.

In the meantime, get her to help you make food.....don't press her to eat it, but allow her to put the toppings on a pizza for example or to mix cake mixture. LEt her put the vegetables in the pan for stir fry.

Sit all together and give her what she usually eats but place all the food on sharing plates...so she has to help herself from a plate of nuggets...and she may eventually help herself to a slice of cucumber or something.

NO stress around it is important though.

Make sure your partner knows he has the right to liaise with her school when she starts. He can ask for them to send a copy of all letters home to him if he's not doing the pick up and collection. He also has a right to attend parent's evenings.

KingIrving · 20/04/2018 05:08

Have a look at this article. A boy went almost blind from a chicken nuggets and chips diet www.smh.com.au/healthcare/eyesight-experts-issue-warning-on-diet-which-can-lead-to-blindness-20161012-gs0twl.html

Benandhollysmum · 21/04/2018 15:09

She is eating though, but she does need vitamin laced foods like fruit and veg, milk, etc
The way to get a kids attention to food is to maybe invite a little pal over who loves food..have them make the food themselves
Like washing the salad or as someone suggested putting toppings on a pizza..
Or help mash potatoes with plenty butter..
nuggets and chips aren’t the best thing for kids to eat maybe once a week at most maybe with beans or peas but that’s it..she is a growing kid and will end up with rickets if the diet doesn’t include vitamins her growing body needs..
Does she drink milk? If not maybe introduce milkshake mix, it’s not ideal but strengthen her bones

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