Feel like a failure - hubby thinks something is wrong

[Rednailvarnish]

Hi
My DS is nearly 3. After multiple IVF's and miscarriages, to say he is much wanted child is an understatement.

My son was horrendous today from the moment we got up until he went to bed. After a conversation with my father, i now feel like shit and that i am doing it all wrong, all because i wont use smacking my DS as a form of discipline. Dont get me wrong, im not against it (within reason) but i dont want to inflict pain and fear into my son.
For discipline, i use time out, taking toys away, but i will admit, i struggle.
I tend to give in, not all the time, but some of the time and i do shout a little more often than i would like.
Ive come to bed feeling a really shit mother and very guilty.
Im so in love with my son but he seems to only be naughty with me or when i am around. He smacks, tells us to shut up (although both of these im sure is just for a reaction) and he just does not listen to instructions.
Im a loving mother, and in turn, he is a loving son. I cuddle, kiss him all the time and tell him how loved he is... but somewhere, im failing i feel.
My husband thinks there is something wrong, and i know what he thinks without asking... some sought of ADHD or autism but i have pretty much said he hasnt without really knowing what they are.

Is this just a phase? Or am i making a few cock ups here??

[Phoenix76]

You’ve got yourself a threenager! You’re not doing anything wrong, quite the contrary. You’re providing him a safe and loving environment while he goes through a very confusing time for him. He’s going through many developmental changes. He’s more challenging with you as he feels the safest. It’s very hard but being firm and calm are the keys here. In my opinion, smacking ,at best, just teaches children that it’s ok to hit someone if they’re not happy with a situation. We have all had many moments that you’re having, it’s bloody hard work! What you have described here is a normal 3 year old and an amazing mum, hang in there, it gets easier.

[Benandhollysmum]

Your kids testing how far he can push you, he’s acting up with nonsense, it’s normal.
You wouldn’t be a mother if you didn’t think you were a failure once or twice during your kids life, not a mum on earth that hasn’t felt like a shitty mum or felt guilty, esp after shouting at the kids and It’s a dreadful feeling but it’s a new day tomorrow so it will be forgotten about. Everyone’s different there’s no right or wrong way of bringing kids up all you can do for your kids is bring them up the best you can because the best is all you can do.
Sugar btw tends to make kids being naughty worse..trial and error find the sweet culprit that sends your kid swinging from the ceiling and ban it permanently from your home..
My youngest was terrible for being naughty..she’d never sit at peace drove me absolutely bonkers..
she’s 12 now and calmed down, it does get better but cherish every single moment even if your kids being a bit of a pain in the arse..because they really do grow so fast

[jaimelannistersgoldenhand]

You don't have to smack to end up with respectful kids- fact. Even the most well behaved kids have shit days and I think that you should refrain from confiding in your father about the details of such days.

The only problem that I can see is that you give in and without knowing details, it's hard to say if yabu.

[Pansiesandredrosesandmarigolds]

He’s 3. Smacking doesn’t work: healthland.time.com/2012/02/06/why-spanking-doesnt-work/

[Quannoi]

There are plenty of ways to get your child's attention without smacking, find whatever they are into the most and remove it, tell them why, and how they get it back.

Mine are all about the consoles so I always start there!