smacking advice

[monkeyfeet]

my SIL has a 22 month old DS who is gorgeous. She gets little or no help that i have seen from her husband with him and my mil is really quite dominant and opininated.
Although my MIL has raised several lovely childern (my DH included), they were all smacked as children and she still believes that this is a valid way to dicipline children.
DH and I are totally against this, and our DD has never, and will never, be smacked.
My SIL has recently started to smack here DS and we really think we should say (or do?)something.
The problem is, how to do this without alienating either my SIL or the rest of the family.
Has anyone faced a similar problem, and how did you deal with it?

Is your SIL your dh's sister? I'm with you, totally opposed to smacking. I think the only way you could broach it is if you are fairly close to SIL.

I think its something you just have to not comment on. If you say something, you risk going to make SIL feel even worse, since it sounds like for her, smacking is an option she's using as a side effect from getting little help from hubby and not necessarily a choice she's happy with (following me?)

Has she ever brought the topic up with you monkeyfeet?

Suggest she looks at MN threads for other alternatives? You're on dangerous ground, really. You are quite right to feel concerned and want to help, but in laws are notoriously difficult to deal with, especially when it come to emotive subjects like this.

Best never criticise her when she has just smacked the child - she will have done it out of anger & frustration and may snap back at you leading to a breakdown in your relationship.

Better imo to broach the subject when she's in a happy, mellow mood and things are going well.

I think you need to think very carefully before you take the step of openly criticising your SIL's parenting methods.
And you may have to be prepared for getting some unwanted criticism in return.

I would only talk about it in the context of your OWN experience, like,

"I was really at my wits end with dd the other day and almost smacked her and then I got this book that gave me heaps of ideas of other ways to discipline her - now we use the [insert own preferred discipline approach here] method."

If she engages, fine, but otherwise I would leave it.

monkeyfeet
there is no need for you to say anything to your SIL, unless she brings up a conversation with you, about perhaps how she finds she cant get thru to her child and resorts to smacking. you would then use that opportunity to discuss positive discilpine and have all your aids to hand so she can perhaps take some on board.
as for your MIL give her a book on it to read and leave it at that. they arent part of your life 24/7 nor your childrens.

she'll see you ways of discipling at family get togethers and if they work she may learn something. but its very hard to change someones opinion unless thye want to you (and their partner)

rantum - thats a good way too.

Thanks for all the amazingly quick advice!!
I am not particularly close to SIL and she is my husband's sister they are reasonably close. It definately is an end of tether thing where at times she seems like a single parent. The times she has done it, it really upset her but it seems to be getting more frequent and less upsetting. I think the idea of talking about it in the context of my own experience would be the best way to proceed, thanks Rantum. I think it would be easier if it was made illegal then there would be no question about what to do.

If she is obviously upset then maybe the way forward is just to sympathise and asks if she wants to talk about it?

I don't think you can bring this up with your SIL without causing a rift between you. If she was abusing or beating the child then it would be a different matter. Let her parent her child however she feels is best.

Has your sil smacked your child or just her own. If she has only smacked her own children then that is HER business not yours.

Some people do consider smacking to be an acceptable way to discipline children.
Smacking is still legal, and your sil has the right to chastise her child if she wants to, provide she does not use a implement or smack so hard to leave a mark.

There will always be things that people feel passionate about. Ie.

Should Mums who choose to bottlefeed from birth be put in jail?

Taking a kids to MacDonalds is surely questionable.

What about children who watch too much TV.

Rather than critising your sil prehaps you can think what you can do to make her life easier so she doesn't get so desperate. Prehaps you could offer to baby sit to give her a break.

It's entirely up to your SIL how she disciplines her child. I'm with you in that we don't smack, but that's my decision. It's totally not anyone's place to tell someone else how to parent, unless it is abuse, and then it should be SS.

I agree with tortoise and others on here. I am totally opposed to smacking and we will never choose it as a form of discipline HOWEVER I would never comment on other parents use of smacking unless I was asked I suppose.

I don't think it is any of your business how someone else brings up their child unless they are doing something very wrong. I disagree with smacking but wouldn't appreciate it if any one told me how to bring up my kids.

I think it is illegal to hit a child if you leave a mark.

I wuld be very unhappy if someone smaked their child and one of my DC's whitnessed it. I would feel the need to say something. I do think you need to say something to your SIL, but handle it very sensitively.

I don't think you can do anything about it. But you can make damn sure they all know you don't agree with it and your DD is NEVER to be hit by an adult