Hi, I'm new on here and desperately in need of some advice. I am a 54 year old grandfather of a 12 (very nearly 13) and 11 year old boys.
My daughter has a drugs problem and the boys have been living with me for 4 months. Originally, they came with my daughter and she was going to detox at my house whilst i cared for the boys. after 2 weeks she relapsed and decided to go back home and we agreed that the boys would be better off staying with me.
He also has a father who has had nothing to do with him for 11 years but re-entered into his life just before he moved in with me. Obviously the boy was over the moon that his dad had come into his life when he was feeling so low with how his mum was behaving. Sadly, it seems there may have been an ulterior motive as Dad was then put into prison for drug dealing for 3 years. Son was mentioned in court, probably in the hope of reducing his sentence. As you can imagine, my grandson (both grandsons have different Dads) was devastated at losing his Dad after Mum had "rejected" him.
The 12 year old who I shall call James feels very rejected indeed, and I have had a lot of anger/behaviour issues to deal with at school. My relationship with him is very good and I am probably the only person he has any trust in.
Some of those issues are now coming to the fore at home and and he is now being rude and sometimes just outright refusal to comply with house rules. Yesterday, I told him to go to his room and he outright refused. A straight look into my eyes and "NO". I said ok and turned the Internet off. I caught him using his phone so asked him to give me the phone. A straight "NO"
He then started saying he wasn't going to live here anymore as it was "shit and boring" and was going to walk out. At 9pm he walked out and refused to answer my calls. He came home at 10:30pm and went straight to his room. I let him do that and didn't say anything. But he has outright defied everything i asked him to do yesterday.
This is all a bit new to me and I am a fish out of water.
How do I deal with the immediate problem? Consequence or a chance to chat?
How can I make his life better and less hating life and everything in the world for the longer term?
I have other problems with the other boy, but they are not so behavior issues so i will start another post on his issues.
Please, any constructive advice would be most appreciated. I am at my wits end and feel like I am failing him.