12mo DS not affectionate - is this normal?

[cellulitequeen]

My DS has never been affectionate. If I pick him up he pushes me away (forcefully) and he never lets me cuddle him. When we are in a new situation he is quite happy to go off on his own and he never looks to me for reassurance. My friend's babies of a similar age are totally the opposite. I don't think he'd notice if I was replaced by a stranger. Is this normal? I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Have you tried rolling him in a sheet/blanket? Children who are sensitive to touch can often find cuddling quite hard, but firm pressure very soothing. DS1 likes me squeezing his legs/hands quite forcefully and will ask me to do that again.

I can guarantee it won;t be anything you are doing.

my dd was not an affectionate baby, we later found that she has hypersensitivity to touch and sound, so we had to gently condition her to touching starting by just touhcing her head and feet say when she was in the highchair or carseat, just for a moment, always withdrawing if she pushed us away.
It has got gradually better, a couple of really nasty illnesses. she had measles and thena serious flu/bronchiolitis and this made her very clingy, she now turns to us for hugs since she was 18 mths and has become quite a cuddly girl after all.
Does he come to you if he is in pain?

ds1 is a bit like this - although he does cling to me and dp if strangers are around, but he doesn't really like cuddles or kisses and never has. In fact I'd say he's getting slightly better - he's 2 1/2 now, but mainly just hasn't been a cuddly baby. He also doesn't like joining in things like singing or nursery rhymes - he's v. clever but just won't do actions to songs etc. I think it's that he just doesn't like being embarrassed in any way, which is a bit sad as he's so little, but that's the way he is - takes a lot to get him to be silly. The other day I was singing Nelly the Elephant (he's got mummies that sing a lot - poor thing..!) and instead of saying "stop please" - which is what he normally says when we're messing around, he pretended to be an elephant - with his arm as the trunk - and the look on his face was of pure joy - I think he surprised himself! So I got lots of cuddles and laughs which was fantastic!

I think they're just all different and you have to wait for them to take the lead on things like cuddling etc., even though that's really hard sometimes.

My son is pretty much like that too, he only seems to want to cuddle me if hes ill. But recently, hes now 13 and a half months, he has started occassionally cuddling our legs and some of his soft toys. Also I was a bit miffed this week when he went straight up to one of the nursery nurses at the swimming pool creche and gave her a cuddle!! He has never cried in the creche and when I told some mothere this recently they all looked at me as if theere was something wrong with him or me because their babies took ages to like it.

He will go with any stranger anywhere and would always waonder out of eyesight.

I started a thread like this a few months ago asking the same question and I think that like most things they are all different and changing all the times. I have two friends whose sons were like this but then at 15 and 18 months they became clamped to their legs.

I would be worried cq. My dd is 10 months and is very affectionate. Seeks us out for hugs and kisses. I can understand him being interested in other things so not wanting to be restrained by a cuddle though.
How is he otherwise? Interaction etc?

The replies on the thread I started were a lot more reassuring than todays so maybe you'd like to read these too

descriptiion

if that link doesn't work its

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=8&threadid=23225

I hope this IS reassuring- ds1 who is severely autistic is far more cuddly affectionate than his totally normal brother. Mainly because his brother is more interested in playing. He likes to sit and have a cuddle now- asks for one- but then is ready to head off and play. His autistic brother spends half his time draping himself over me- partly to get sensory stimumalation and if I'm not available he'll climb between the sofa cushiions or wrap himself in a duvet.

See if he prefers being massaged firmly or squeezed. If he's sensitive to touch it may well be easier for him. Hypersensitivities are quite common btw- DS1's OT said that sensory integration issues are becoming more common due to an increase in c section births supposedly.

Is there anything else you are worried about- not being cuddly by itself isn't a problem.

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Dd's never been a great cuddler. I also started a thread about this a few months ago , must be a common worry! I was worried because she wouldn't let me cuddle her even when she was ill or hurt and I wanted to know how I could 'comfort' her in those times rather than wishing she would just be a bit more of a knee-hugger. She's 22 months now and still fiercely independent. She sits on my knee before nap and bed times to read stories, but she likes to be facing outwards. She likes to be carried a lot more now on my hip when we're out and also at home (usually of course when I'm very busy). She asks 'carry me, mummy' and 'big cuddle, mummy' now too which I never thought would happen. But I have to say it's almost always her who makes the move to be cuddled, if I stroke her hair or try to cuddle her she pushes my hands away and says 'gerroff mummy' or 'mummy, no stroking' so I think she just likes her own space more than other kids. I've kind of got used to it. She shows me affection in other ways. Maybe I should look at some literature on touch-sensitive children though. Anyone got any recommendations?

Thanks for all your replies and particularly Jane313 for directing me to her earlier thread which has really reassured me. Although he's not cuddly, DS is a happy, smiley, contented chap and he interacts well. It is just a bit disheartening to feel that I don't rank any higher in his affections than anyone else. (I feel that my dog loves me more than he does...). I also take your point Twiglett about clinginess and I would probably be moaning if he was attached to my leg! I stopped BF at 9 months (my decision) and I really miss that closeness that we used to share. I wish I hadn't given up when I did but you've got to at some point I suppose

I know what you mean, cq, I think I partly carried on b/f dd for so long (18 months) because it meant I got to cuddle her twice a day. Don't feel disheartened though. He DOES love you more than anyone else, maybe you'll start to see how he shows it more clearly as he gets older. That's what's happened with dd, I've learned to read her as an individual rather than comparing her to what other kids do.

Thanks STF, that is nice to hear.

Just wanted to add my DS was very much like this - wouldn't sit on my lap, hated being cuddled, would run off and NEVER look back etc. He's now 5 and will happily sit on my lap and loves a cuddle. I think he was just in a great hurry to explore when a toddler and didn't want to waste any time sitting on my lap.