Painfully Shy - DS

[Crystaltips]

I am concerned about my DS - aged 11.
For the SUmmer Holidays I have organised for him to attend a number of "Summer Schemes" to keep him occupied and active - as otherwise he'd be glued to the Playstation.

However - one by one - and ever so subtly he has got me to cancel them.

he was due to go to a sleepover and BBq at the church today and has cancelled that - saying that he felt that he was too tired to go. He just threw a dicky-fit when I followed it up with then you'd better go to bed at 8.

I am now putting 2 and 2 together and thinking that it might be that he really does not like meeting new people. He's great when in company of those he knows and trusts - but goes all tongue-tied with strangers - whatever the age group.

Basically the question is - how do I help him through this - WITHOUT bugging him and making it such a big deal. ?

does he have any friends who could come over and join him on the playstation, so that could be a sociable activity? i would try and subtly probe why he doesn't like the playschemes - maybe there is one or two people he doesn't particularly like, or could he be being bullied.

He's just not streetwise enough to cope with the .... how shall I put it ...."rough diamonds"

He's just a sensitive and insecure little chap - who finds it hard to compete for air-time

bump

Crystaltips, I know that you don't want to push him but maybe allowing him to cancel activities may not help him to be more sociable.

I tend to be very shy when meeting people and everytime somebody invites us out or DH comes with an invitation my first reaction is to say no, then I end up going and having a great time.

Hope it helps...

Maybe you just need to accept that he IS shy and simply prefers smaller groups of people that he already knows. I know it's hard to watch, especially if you're not shy, but not everyone is going to be gregarious and sociable. I'd invite his close friends around or take him and some mates to the pictures/bowling/whatever.

Tbh, at 11, I would have despised my parents if they'd organised summer holiday activities for me . Listless vegging and daydreaming an be very productive as well

Hi Crystaltips

I am having a similar problem with my ds but he is a toddler. In fact, your son sounds just like mine will be at 11

The other day, we were at a friend's house with lots of other kids there of the same age and while they ran around the garden, playing together, my ds sat in the conservatory playing alone all afternoon.
Everyone assures me that it is simply that he is sensitive and prefers his own company but it's easy to worry isn't it?

I don't have any experience with older children but I found that forcing ds to go to a social group regularly, say once a week has helped. He still isn't happy around other kids but at least he is learning to tolerate having them around.

It sounds like you are doing everything you can!