Is my boy autistic??

[V1CK190]

I'm really concerned about my 2 and a half year old son's behaviour, he has never been an 'easy' child (I know there's no such thing) but it's getting worse by the day. He doesn't speak as much as children his age (says about 10 words regularly) he has complete meltdowns smashing his head off anything he can get close to, slaps himself round the head slaps and headbutts me, screams and tenses his whole body. Throws his food and toys smashing his toys up, has bad spatial awareness and is regularly walking into things or falling off chairs etc. He gets obsessed with certain foods, toys or T.V programmes and will have nothing else until he moves onto something else which he becomes obsessed with. He rarely sleeps through the night. He has a low attention span and won't sit down and let me read him a book or draw, he won't participate in group activities just wants to do his own thing....Health visitors have said as he is on the low end of the 'normal' range in their tests they won't do anything yet but re assess in 6months, the nursery are starting a behaviour log and SENCO has made a SALT referral, which was refused (I think because he's not yet 3)....sorry for the long rambling post but I would appreciate some advice from anyone who's child has had similar behaviours or have been through a diagnosis process.... I don't know what to do with him right now :( I love him all the world but he is seriously stressing me out, I work full time and get very little support from OH who works ridiculous hours an no support from family. I feel like I'm failing him and am really concerned about the effects of the persistent head banging....Any advice appreciated

Have a look at the MChat-R test. m-chat.org/en-us/page/take-m-chat-test/online . It is a preliminary screening for autism in toddlers.

If results come back as at risk, print them and request a referral for further assessment. Nursery should be able to do this, but if you have no luck make an appointment with your GP. In our area it is an EHA (Early Help Assessment) form that needs to be filled out and referral is to the Early Support team. I would check online for your Council's SEND local offer, as think it can vary.

Also ask for a hearing test as well. This is standard to rule out any other reasons for delayed speech. HV referred us, but GP will be able to do this as well.

Take care of yourself. You are not failing him at all. It is really not fair that we have to push this hard for support

Thank you @magicroundabouts for the info and kind words...The score come back as a 7-moderate risk so will take this to the nursery Tuesday and see what they can do, or failing that the GP

I was going to say exactly the same as magic. Hope you get the assistance you need quickly

Just thought of one last thing, you can self refer to SLT therapy in our area. It might be worth trying that again.

Sounds like you're having a really hard time and I feel for you. I think the previous posters have good advice. If the salt waiting list is too long could you go privately? We did and it made a huge difference for my dd (speech delay). It was really worth the money for us but each child is different. It sounds like the nursery are supportive so I think they may be useful in swaying things so you can get your son seen.

Oh and you're not failing him. It's just very hard for you. You're doing everything to keep it together for him. That shows absolute love and devotion

Thank you JiltedJohnsJulie will keep that in mind....Nsbgsyebebdnd that's very kind of you to say! I'm sure like most parents I'm just plagued by what if's at times. Like what if I didn't work full time and spent more time with him, would he not do these destructive behaviours if he had more of my attention :( but I am trying my best and that's all any parent can do so I know I shouldn't put myself down :) I will also keep the private option in mind, not something I had considered but will do anything to help him if the situation continues and the nursery and I don't get any joy following up. The more I think about it the more it's annoying me that I can see there's something not quite right with my boy as can the nursery staff who are being supportive, but if you don't tick certain boxes you don't get any support from outside agencies (rolls eyes and exhales! Rant over lol) Thank you all for your advice xx

You've also been pushing for him to get assessed and battling - that isn't easy. You're doing that to help him. As parents I think you always think you're failing. With my daughters speech delay I thought it was because I worked full time etc etc too. The system sounds unbelievably frustrating. I think thrrr is an autism helpline you can call? If you wanted it I could find the details as I know a now retired child psychologist who specialised in autism and I recall her telling me about it.

Just wondrrrd I feel they may be able to suggest the best way about to try and get you son assessed. It shouldn't be so hard, it's terrible

Thanks @Nsbgsyebebdnd I have seen a number for an Autism group on here so glad to see there is support out there :) I can understand the 'box ticking' to a degree, they are the experts and there are children out there who are suffering a lot more and families which need much more support, so I shouldn't complain. It's just hard to see your child self harming like this and feeling like your walking on egg shells with them!....Did your little girls speech delay resolve after having the therapy? And did she have any other issues with the speech delay?

@Vanessa84 sorry to hear you've had to cope with a similar situation I know what a struggle it can be! So happy for you that you've found this organisation, where are they based? I will look them up, so thank you for posting! I hope your little one continues to make such brilliant progress :) How long have you been waiting for an official diagnosis if you don't mind me asking?

Thanks for the info Vanessa84, it is ridiculous waiting times, especially as early intervention seems to really help! Well done for persevering :)...Im in Birmingham but the Bluesky website says they can offer consultancy for families further afield so I will definitely keep them in mind.

Hi, in answer to your questions, yes, it was a just a speech delay in our case. but she was about a year behind. The salt was brilliant and it actually made me feel more positive about everything- I was able to actively do something and the lady was also very supportive re my worries too. If you can afford it it may be worth giving it a go- they will also have seen many children so may be able to offer more insights into your little one. The one thing I'd say is find the right person though. We had one bad experience where the lady had no compassion during the assessment. The memory still upsets me to this day!

Thanks Nsbgsyebebdnd just thought I would ask as a few people have said that if the speech improves the other behaviours might too as it could be down to frustration....and oh that's not good at all! I'm sure you were nervous enough about the whole assesment without someone being like that :( will never understand people who work in care who just don't seem to CARE! Thanks for the heads up!

The thing is a lot of professionals aren't experts when it comes to autism/additional needs. I found it really disheartening when I realised how many have limited knowledge/experience and unfortunately, it is not unusual for concerns to be dismissed. I think you need to trust your instincts. It is so hard, because you are looking for support, but you end up second guessing yourself and going round in circles.

Have you had a look at Sensory Processing at all? Lots of people on the spectrum have sensory processing issues. This website explains things quite well childmind.org/article/sensory-processing-issues-explained/. A lot of the behaviours you have mentioned could be linked to seeking sensory input i.e tensing the body, crashing into furniture, head banging etc. My son is similar. The main way he seeks input is through biting. Normally toys and clothes, but when he is stressed/angry/frustrated he bites his arm. We have been able to put some strategies in place to limit the self harming. It is so hard to see him hurt himself though.

Just seen that you are in Birmingham. You need a direct referral to the Community Paediatricians at the Child Development Centre. Here's the link www.bhamcommunity.nhs.uk/patients-public/children-and-young-people/services-parent-portal/birmingham-child-development-centres/

Thank you for your brilliant advice and kind words @magicroundabouts! That's an interesting read, I can see aspects of both types in him though which is confusing!
I'm feeling rather overwhelmed by the whole situation at the moment to be honest. I will always fight for anything that will help him and never let him be overlooked if I have concerns, but will be no good to him if I reach burn out point :(.... I think one step at a time right now is the way forward, starting with getting that SALT referral sorted, I think it would be a struggle to get him any other assessments without first going down this avenue.

@V1CK190 I am really sorry if I have bombarded you with too much information. I didn't mean to make things seem even more overwhelming.

I agree with you it is all really confusing. At our SALT assessment we were referred to the Paediatrician straight away. I remember her saying you need more input to unpick things and I don't want to waste your time. I struggled, as I wasn't ready to go there, but in hindsight I am so grateful. Family and friends kept saying he was fine. His speech would catch up, he was in his own world, but that was just personality etc. Nursery didn't see anything. They were having a problem with him biting, but toddlers do that don't they? It was put down to behaviour. He was anti-social, but that was just because he hadn't been around other children enough.

It was only when we had the Paed appointment and access to specialist teachers kicked in that I realised that Nursery and everyone else (me included) didn't understand what they were seeing. It is starting to come together now, but it has taken time. DS is nearly 4 and concerns were first raised at 2.4. Hoping to get his diagnosis this summer.

I often wonder what would of happened if we had seen a different SALT. That's why I mentioned sensory processing as the behaviours you've noticed could just be down to frustration and lack of speech, but
equally sensory issues could be the reason and that would point to ASD and confirm the need for referral.

I would push for a referral to the Community Paediatrician's, as you need a multi-disciplinary approach for diagnosis. Waiting lists are long and it is better to be referred while you are looking for answers than to wait until everything falls apart and in the end if everything resolves and you don't need it then fantastic nothing lost. In our case DS was doing ok until he started pre-school and then the wheels fell off. He couldn't cope with the environment, he was lashing out at other children, biting etc. I remember taking one phone call and all I could hear was him screaming in the background. We were able to get support in place fairly quickly, as we were already in the system and he is doing really well now.

Just realised this post is pretty epic! Hope it all makes sense. Good luck with everything

I agree with the last post you need to see your GP who needs to refer you to the community paediatrician, you won't get anything from the nhs SALT before age 3 and unless the community paediatrician puts formal notice in place that your child needs extra help at school and nursery then the LEA aren't forced to act.

@magicroundabouts noo don't be sorry at all! Thank you for being so understanding and supportive! Someone like you who has been through/ going through a similar situation is exactly what I was looking for when I wrote the original post and your wisdom on the matter is really helpful, you haven’t overwhelmed me the situation has! I have had family who spend barely any time with us say exactly the same things and make me feel like I'm over reacting or he's just naughty :( and I know that's not true, it's like he's physically struggling with something when he has these meltdowns. I'm lucky in the fact that the nursery who obviously spend a lot of time with him and genuinely care can see it too, the SENCO is pushing for a SALT referral for me and we will be back to health visitors to be re-assesd some time in April, if there's no movement from these I will definitely take your advice and push the GP for a multidisciplinary assessment....we also have a consultant app at our local hosp in May for follow ups for abnormal liver function so will push them to see if they can help too, or anyone who will bloody listen lol....thank you again and I'm really happy for you that your finally getting everything in place :) xx

Thank you @EssexMummy123456 for the info :) This is exactly what I was referring to in my above post about box ticking, he's not yet 3 so even though he's displaying all these worrying behaviours they won't do anything!....I saw my mom fight so hard to get my brother statemented 20 years ago now and I had hoped times might have moved on from then and there was more support and understanding, clearly not lol. My mom had to get her local MP to help in the end the LEA were useless! Hopefully with advice from people like you and the nursery support too I will get my boy the support he needs :)