Going bananas over five-month-old sleep nightmares

[MrsThierryHenry]

My lovely little bean used to wake up around once or twice a night. Now that he's 5 months old this has become EVERY 1-2 HOURS!!! Also where we used to spend up to 20 mins getting him to sleep for each nap/ night sleep, now we spend up to 2 hours just calming him and getting him to sleep, because he gets incredibly stressed out and has frequent (10 or more) wakings during that period. My carefully-crafted sleep routine just isn't working like it used to any more! I'm told it's a developmental stage typical of 4-5 month olds; has anyone else been through this hell? Please tell me how you kept yourself sane!

Can't help as my DS generally slept through, but he would wake up screaming about 1/2 - 1 hour after being put down for the night at about 6 mo for several mo. It was hard work, but we got through it.

Just thought I'd keep this bumped for you, as someone will have had a similar experience.

ds2 was like this andunfortunately still is ~(though that is not typical)
have no tips but am very good at empathising
want to do a temporary swap for ds1 who is up at 5:15 at the minute.
i am up any way with ds2

We had the same thing when my dd turned 6 months Although she was never a good sleeper her sleep became much worse and she was waking every hour. She has improved slightly and now wakes ever 2 hours through the night.

Having sought advice on MN and canvassed friends it is apparently common once they start on their massive development boost of rolling, sitting etc. This is also combined with separation anxiety and means that they just don't sleep soundly. The short nights also don't help

Can you tell me more, ie what is it that is stressing him out? Does he want food? How do you soothe him? How much does he sleep during the day?

If he is waking because hungry, can you feed as much as physically possible during the day, maybe introduce a dream feed before you go to bed.

If he is waking because he is moving arond too much, could you try: rolled up towels either side of him under the bottom sheet? a grobag? cot bumpers?

When he wakes I presume you don't talk apart from ssshhh, don't turn on light or keep it really low, don't bother changing nappy unless he is pooey or wet through.

How does he sleep during the day, can you keep to really structured nap times and make sure he doesn't sleep for longer than e.g. an hour at each nap.

Can you try introducing a comforter - soft toy or blanket that you've slept with first so that it smells of you.

How about soft music - my ds has Classic FM music for babies before every bed time and sometimes we had to put it on in the night if he woke and wouldn't settle.

Hope some of these suggestions fit!

Sorry if this sounds cruel, but it sounds like some sleep training is in order - stop night feeds, pick up when he cries & put down as soon as he calms, etc. We did this with DD (now 20 months) when she was 4 months old, and she has been sleeping through the night ever since, except for the odd night when she is ill.

I would also be sceptical of explanations like "developmental stage" or the more frequently used "growth spurt".

Could he be teething. DD got her teeth quite early and I think was suffering quite bad around 5 months. Try giving her some paracetemol before putting him down at night and see if that helps at all.

Hope that helps...

cotedazur why are you sceptical about growth spurts and developmental stages??? how very odd.

I am skeptical about the statement "it must be a growth spurt" offered as an answer to pretty much every question in the six months of a baby's life.

When MrsThierryHenry says "I'm told it's a developmental stage typical of 4-5 months" as an 'answer' to why her DS keeps waking up at night, I am more than skeptical. What on earth is that "developmental stage"?

Fuffyanimal, I think you and I have a similar parenting style because I've already tried everything on your list apart from bumpers! He's swaddled every night so rolled-up towels aren't really necessary. I'm trying to make sure he gets 3 hours of napping - not so easy now he's having sleep probs, though. He gets stressed out because he's trying to sleep and something (something internal, I think) keeps waking him up, the poor love. He's actually been better tonight - still waking lots but once he's been settled back to sleep he stays asleep - and I can even hear him settling himself sometimes when he wakes up.

CoteDazur, I've tried your method too - read it in the Baby Whisperer book. Problem is, it's simply not been possible to put him down because he cries even before he's left our arms. I certainly wouldn't stop night feeds at this age, as he's close to weaning and so needs as much as poss.

He's getting stronger, rolling over occasionally and standing loads - so maybe that's it. I might start weaning him 2 weeks early as apparently that can help.

Solid food may help, but don't be disappointed if it doesn't - the two don't always correlate unfortunately.

i don't think there is any need to be sceptical of the "developmental stage" explanation. If he is getting more mobile, then he will feel compelled to try out his moves the moment he is awake - this is a developmental stage. He could also be teething, Cote D'Azur is right - but this too is a developmental stage.
However, never mind the semantics. I thought you probably would have tried everything I suggested, but didn't know what else to say without more info.

Have you ruled out an ear infection? My ds was having very restless nights, wanting to sleep but just incapable, and quite inconsolable. I thought it was teeth because two were emerging, but I got the GP to check him out and it turned out he had an ear infection, poor love. I would never have known otherwise.

Oh, Lordy, I hadn't even considered sickness. If your baby is teething, shouldn't they be unsettled all day, or does it only happen at night? My DS is fine and dandy when he's not trying to sleep, you see.

He seems to be slightly more settled since last night - I've taken to holding him for 5 mins once he's fallen asleep, so that he can really settle into sleepland before I place him in his bed. So far so good, so I'll cross my fingers and hope for the best!

Difficult to say because during the day they have plenty to distract them if they are feeling under par. My DS was Ok during the day, it was only at night the ear symptoms showed up. Same with when he is teething really, because he is too busy playing to complain much.

Wow, I didn't realise that becoming a mum also meant becoming a detective! Thanks so much for your advice; I will look into both the teething and ear issues. It's poss that the two might be related as there are nerve connections from outh to ear, so you never know...xx

"I certainly wouldn't stop night feeds at this age, as he's close to weaning and so needs as much as poss."

Advice on (and even understanding of) getting babies to sleep through the night is very different here in France to what I hear from friends in UK. Here we are told that waking in the night after the first couple of months is NOT because of a physical need for food but a HABIT to be changed. [Having lived in a Muslim country before, I actually understand this, because I have seen daytime fasters get used to waking up and eating at 2 AM for a full month, and then still waking up with grumbling tummies for a couple of days after fasting month was over. They go back to sleep without eating and after a couple of days body "forgets" that habit.]

When DD was 4 months old and still breastfeeding three times in the night, her paediatrician said "Either you teach her to sleep through the night now, or she will continue to wake up for food until she is about 2 years old" - i.e. stop the night feeds, when she wakes hug her kiss her etc but then put her down, repeat with short intervals until she goes back to sleep. Persevere the 2-3 terrible nights and then enjoy the full nights of sleep that follow.

We followed that advice and never looked back. Everybody here gets their baby to sleep through stopping night feeds before they are 6 months old. After that, apparently it gets harder.

I am surprised to see that in UK sleeping advice is often related to weaning or at least adding cereals to milk. Idea seems to be that babies wake at night because they need the food. I can't judge whether that has truth in it or not, only say that in our experience it was habit which was unlearned in several days.

It saddens me to see babies weaned early because parents think they will get more sleep, though...

In the UK advice is certainly NOT to add cereals to bottle feeds, quite the contrary. The official advice (de facto advice from useless HV often different) is not to wean until 6 months regardless of sleeping patterns.

It is weird that advice should vary so much from EU country to EU country. Whilst I agree that some waking before 6 months can be down to habit, I think that the baby's little body is too tiny to let him sleep without getting hungry for more than 5-6 hours. Cote, if this is what you mean by sleeping through, e.g. between midnight and 5am, then fair enough, but if it is any longer I think it is not realistic to expect your baby to manage without a feed. Some mums may drop lucky and get a baby that does sleep, but it is by no means the norm. I'd be hugely surprised if in France all babies from 4 months onwards slept through the night.

I only managed to stop night feeds with my ds when weaning was well and truly established, i.e. about 8-9 months when he was eating a significant amount. Then he would settle if he woke at night without a feed, so I knew it was down to habit or that he was still learning to settle himself. So I wouldn't drop all night feeds. But you may not need to feed every time he wakes, that is true.

The only people I know around here who wait for their babies to sleep through the night on their own are the ones I know through the English mother & baby group. All French mothers I know have stopped the feeds and survived couple of hard nights before 6 months and their kids have been sleeping through ever since.

DD would go down at 7 PM, we would give her a "dream feed" at 11 PM without really waking her up, and she would sleep until 7 AM. We stopped the 11 PM bottle after a month or two and she has been sleeping 12 hr nights ever since.

Well all I can say is, and I'm sure many other mums here would join me:

my French nephew didn't sleep through without a feed until he was at least 12 months old. His sister did, and they tried the same with him, but nothing doing - he was hungry.

Possibly his 50% English genes

dd2 (5.5 months) sleeps from 7.30ish for about 5-6 hours then needs a feed, but doesn't honestly need food after that until the morning. She'll take a feed if given one, 3 hours after the first one (dh's tendency), but she'll settle equally well with a cuddle. That happened around 5 months I think - before then, she did need feeding: she has silent reflux and can't take big feeds, so it was frequent small ones. But she definitely gets very hungry after six hours, so if that doesn't consitute 'sleeping through' then she doesn't.

I do think babies vary, I really do...

I guess we all take as "normal" what we hear from people where we live. I think "The sleep through when they are ready" is a UK thing, like "I want a birth with no pain relief, in a pool"

My husband is french and we have had some debates with our french friends regarding the "best" ways to care for babies. The french seem much stricter with children in general and do not tolerate the same behaviour that we seem to in this country. Am not sure if this is because my friends in france have seemed to go back to fulltime work earlier so therefore need a more settled routine.

Am dreading next week as my mil is coming to stay. She will NOT approve of us cosleeping.

I don't think there is a word for "co-sleeping" in French, it's that rare.

I'm in France and having problems in getting DS who is 1O weeks to sleep through, he was doing over 6 hrs a few nights ago but is now back to 4. All my French friends are shocked he isn't yet going through the night and tell me to put cereal in his feed, but I didn't have to do that with DD who was going through at 5 weeks. I agree, there definitely seems to be a difference in what is acceptable regarding the sleeping habits of French and British babies!

We are moving back to France next year to give dd a chance to get in touch with her french side! I have lots of french friends with babies but it is a part of france with no english community and so will prob have noone with the same parenting views. Will probably end up lying about her sleeping habits and slapping on the concealer under my eyes.

it is sooo typical. We set up a thread for it which is the longest lasting thread on MN I think! All our lo's sleeping went haywire at around 4mths and now most of them are around 8 months old. Join us if you like . 'Sleep is for the Weak' on the 'Sleep' section.

I forgot to add my friends were also horrified by the fact I swaddle my baby and the practice is still widely done. It is something that their grandmothers did but they think is terribly cruel now!

My DD is 7 months. The only advice I can honestly give that really worked for me is "go with the flow". Is there any chance you can have her sleeping next to you? This works for me.
My DD started to wake up a lot more than usual this week and lo and behold, two teeth are cutting through. Before now, it has generally been because she was coming down with something and getting ill, which would make her wake more frequently.
Sometimes DD will go 6-7 hours straight, then other nights wake every 1-2 hours or so. Theres really no pattern, and no connection to what I give her to eat. Shes still more or less exclusively breastfed, but I try to give her bits and pieces (banana, rice, baby biscuit etc). Most of the time shes not interested in food. I REALLY doubt that putting her on solids will help, because some days DD has solids then doesnt sleep well, but on exclusively BF days, sleeps right through. So now, you can see why Ive given up analysing her. If you donT have a serious job where sleep is vital for stress levels, then I wouldnt worry about analysing it. SInce I started using this philosophy, Ive become much more relaxed as a mum. If you asked me how many times she woke last night for example, I couldnt tell you, whereas until recently, I would check the clock when she woke, to check how long she`d slept, to check her progress.