Suddenly anxious and tearful..what should i do?

[yellowbean]

dd1 is 3.5, sociable, happy, well rounded etc. adores nursery and other activities we do. Out of nowhere she is anxious about pre school and other activities that she has been doing for 18 months. She recently started morning preschool sessions instead of afternoons but other than that theres no change in her routine. She's crying at the thought of going to school and cries when sh get there but does settle. she says she does want to go. with her other activities shes inventing strange reasons as to shy she camt go.... like ' i'll get a sore throat'... i've tried to talk to her and understand whats up but i dont think she really understands whats going on either... like she feels different about stuff but she doesnt understand it either. What can i do..? she seems really anxious and i reel so sorry for her.

I really don't know but I wonder if going mornings and hence not having that usual block of time with you when she gets up (i.e. the whole morning) has made her feel insecure somehow? She will inevitably have a new routine to get used to at pre school and maybe that has temporarily thrown her. Or perhaps she's overheard someone say something harmless about how children catch germs from other children?

Bump!

well, she has been saying things that indicate she knows that mornings are very different to afternoon sessions... not sure they are very different but wonder if preschool have said this. On her first week of mornings she was fine... all three mornings she danced in and danced out as normal... then she misss a week through illness and last week was fine for the first morning then wobbled on the second and third and again today...she knows at least three children in each session quite well so she's not 'alone' and she says she does want to go... wonder if its an attention thing, th\at she wants more from me perhaps (sibling is 6 months old) or more from teachers.. her sessions are busier than she is used to...

I think that might at least be part fo it you know - day reversal is quite a big change psychologically I think. Also the mornings are generally longer than the afternoons too and are generally more action packed (or have more 'sessions' in them). As you know, children are terribly keen on routine and it may be that not having you for all those hours before she trots off has just hit her? Have you managed to have the same amount and type of quality time with her as when she was going to afternoon sessions? Is she someone that wakes up slowly? Have you been rushing in the mornings to get out on time? What are her other activities?

i think we're aCTUALly getting more time together recentl;y as we tend to do more stuff after morning school than we did before... we dotn rush too much in the mornings... she seems very alert and ready forthe day. the sessions are the same length. one of her other activities is gym class which shes been doing for 18 months... she wouldnt join in last week and shes saying that she might niot this week either,,, but rather than just say that she doesnt want to do it she invents reasons why she shouldnt... its all very anxious behaviour and she is normally fine, albeit sometimes shy and a tad sensitive

It is a bit mysterious isn't it? Is there anyone new at her gym class / any chance she could be being bullied / laughed at by another chils? Does she like writing or drawing and could perhaps try to express herself to you through either of those?

What do you mean that her sessions are busier than they used to be and what has she said that implies that she thinks mornings are different to afternoons? Is there a rest time in the mornings that wasn't there in the afternoons?

Sorry - I feel as if I'm just asking a load of questions and not being any help whatsoever!

For whatever reason, it does sound like she is feeling more vulnerable than she was and it could be absolutely nothing other than just the change of routine and she'll settle in to it. Or it could be that something has happened at either one and it could be simple like a dominant child who is being indifferent / negative towards her is there that wasn't in any of her activities before and it's affected her confidence.

Have you spoken to the teachers etc and have they managed to shed any light?

sorry,had to go last night... have asked teachers and they are baffled too... in fact i really had to point the problem out to them. theres nothing new at her gym class and the reason her morning school is busier is just more children... from 8 per session to up to 20 some mornings, so very noticable. i guess i'll just have to see howthings work out... teachers are being supportive about it and helping to settle her in... will see how tomorrow goes. thanks for your advice. xx

Ah yes that fits - if she's a sensitive soul, she will perhaps be quite affected by the larger crowd. Is she someone who operates better on a one to one basis with her friends generally (or very small groups of up to 3) by any chance? She could be feeling over faced with how to integrate? When (and I say when rather than if!) she cracks this one, she'll be sorted for life. As long as the teachers are aware and can help her along with it, i am sure she'll be fine. Poor little thing - I can empathise with her is this is what's going on. Does she have lots of play dates on her territory? Is it worth trying to have a couple a week and upping the numbers by one child every fortnight (up to about 4 or 5 max) or something?

well she was fine at school today... still a little anxious beforehand but no tears which was great. will see how she gets on tomorrow as her best friends arent there with her tomorrow, though sh does know others. She is a sensitive soul and has always prefered to play one0to one with her friends,... sometimes she does play with two at a time. v3ery often she prefers to chat to adults if theres too much noisy play going on... hopefully she'll get through this quickly now... see what tomorrow brings. thanks for replying...