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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Major problem with 17m DS

20 replies

babyonboard · 08/05/2007 14:30

I really hope someone has had this problem and can help.
For the last week or so my DS has started violently rocking his cot by standing up, holding onto it, and swinging himself. As soon as we put him to bed he starts it, and he does it as soon as he wakes up in the morning. He has also woken up a couple of times in the early hours, and whereas before he would just whimper and to back to sleep if I tucked him in and stroked his face for a while he now leaps up and does this.
The problem is exacerbated by the fact that our neighbours 2 year olds room is below his, and I can only imagine what it is like being statled awake by such banging. They are very understanding about it, but I know it will be teting their patience.
Nothing has changed in his routine, we read him a story together in our bed, then take him to his with a picture book and bottle which he used to just drift off with.
We have now tried sitting with him, but this just makes him do it even more. It just seems like a vicious circle now. We can't ignore him doing it, and so take him out of the cot or sit by him and play or read with him until he is so exhausted he just crashes out. This can only reinforce the behaviour surely, as it is a surefire way for us to spring to his attention?
I am so desperate for advice now. I have spent the last three nights on a futon by him so I can stop him as soon as it starts, and I know that is in no way a solution.

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justaphase · 08/05/2007 14:36

Maybe you can try moving him to a bed with one of thoe protectors... he is obviously too young but a friend of mine did this with her 15-month-old out of pure desperation (he was not sleeping) and it worked.

wrinklytum · 08/05/2007 14:38

Would he be too young for changing to a toddler bed if you babyproof his room?I think we but ds in one at 15 months.DD is 17 months and would not be ready.

FWIW I think you are right re not staying and playing with him as he will think he has a surefire way to get your attention.Would the "rapid return" (think this is what it is called) wwork.Go in to him,no eye contact/speech.Lay him down and say firmly and quietly "Its bedtime" and leave.If criesc ontinue ad infinitum until he gets message.(May be a bit wearing at first!!)

HTH.

wrinklytum · 08/05/2007 14:39

Meant to read "If he cries continue this ad infinitum until he gets the message"

WanderingTrolley · 08/05/2007 14:40

Agree with wrinklytum about a toddler bed, or a mattress on the floor. What about a travel cot - less satisfying to rock?

greedygreedyguzzler · 08/05/2007 14:54

i agree with wrinklytum about the rapid return thing.
just keep going into him and laying him back down again and saying "its time for sleep not play time" or something similar. just dont get annoyed when you have to do it seven million times the first night! it should only be for a few nights and then he will prob decide its not worth standing up cos he will just get put straight back down again.
it worked for my ds in a similar situation.

Mum2FunkyDude · 08/05/2007 15:08

I put a monkey and a lion into ds's cot (soft toys) so he has a fat chat to them in the morning. They even come out to play sometimes, but I've made a fuss about talking to them myself and kissing them goodnight etc...Although ds was never violently rocking his cot, more kicking it while lying on his back. He is 17 months btw.

Original poster

babyonboard · 08/05/2007 15:14

Thanks, I have tried exactly that from the first time he did it. I gently but firmly took his hands from the cot rail, laid him down and explained that it is bed time and that making all that noise was naughty, but as soon as I left the room he started again.
It is such as a dilemma. We cannot ignore him, mainly because of our neighbours child, but jumping up to him is indeed just teaching him a lesson we don't want.
I've tried putiing cushions under the cot legs to limit the noise but it didn't make any difference.
It's just odd that this is such a sudden and insistant behaviour change, and I am getting desperate as I just can't see any way to stop it.

OP posts:

greedygreedyguzzler · 08/05/2007 15:18

i still reckon try the rapid return thing.
he will start again as soon as you leave the room and then you need to go STRAIGHT back in and put him down again, and then again and again and again until he finally gets the message! VERY hard work and VERY frustrating, but it works!
i have spent about 90 mins doing it one night, but it only went on for a couple of nights and now he's an angel!!!

nappyaddict · 08/05/2007 15:32

move him into a bed. a friends dd is 13 months next week and just gone into a toddler bed.

Original poster

babyonboard · 08/05/2007 16:48

Sorry, I see what you mean now about the 'rapid return' . I was skim reading earlier as I was on my way out so missed what you were saying slishtly. I will certainly try that, would you say it's best to fully leave the room every time, even if it's a matter of seconds bfore he leaps up and starts it again?
Thanks for this, I will persist and really hope it works for us.
Re the toddler bed - thanks for the suggestion, but thats not really good for us, as he shares his room with 5m DD and I wouldn't like him to be roaming around unsupervised whilst she sleeps at hight.

OP posts:

mummysue · 08/05/2007 20:20

ive no answers sorry but just posted a thread called is this the terrible twos come early.my 17 month old daughters personality has changed almost over night.we have problems day and night.something has to be changing development wise...sorry cant help you.just wanted to say your not alone.in a few years time we will laugh at this from the mental institute

greedygreedyguzzler · 09/05/2007 14:37

i would say it doesn't matter if you actually leave the room or not as long as you are firm and simply tell him it is sleep time and lay him back down. dont start reasoning with him or chatting to him just be firm and then go!
good luck!

Original poster

babyonboard · 09/05/2007 15:14

We tried this last night, and after two hours of lying him down only for him to leap up and o it again we ended up strapping him into his car seat with a book and blanket. Amazingly he fell asleep 5 minutes later.
I'm not sure that strapping him down is the answer though, so we will try again tonight.
Thanks so much for this.

OP posts:

greedygreedyguzzler · 09/05/2007 18:37

its so hard isn't it. i used to end up getting really frustrated and had to take it in shifts with my dh otherwise i would practically throw ds back into bed! it did work though and only took a few nights. better luck tonight!

sunnysideup · 09/05/2007 18:50

maybe stay with him in his room ONLY so long as he is laying or sitting and not making this noise?

then you can use your presence as your leverage to get him to do what you want; if he makes the noise, you tell him "No, you are not laying down" and go out of the room. Come in as soon as it's quiet or as soon as you like, and tell him "I'll stay if you lay down". He might very soon get the message.

We did a similar thing with my ds, I know not everyone is happy to stay with their kids while they drop off but it worked for us; and it hasn't resulted in sleep problems, and ds who is five soon, is currently happily talking himself to sleep on his own

I suggest this as the rapid return thing didn't work for us, ds is a person of strong opinions and took this sort of approach as a personal challenge

Just something else to try if the RR doesn't work for you.

And perhaps if he does it in the morning, you could give him a couple of favourite toys to play with but only let him have them so long as he plays nicely and doesn't do the noise thing??

mamma2kids · 09/05/2007 20:03

We put DS into a toddler bed at 18mnths as DD was born at 20mnths. Mind you he was never a good sleeper and we always had to sit by the bed or get in the bed until he fell asleep otherwise he would just get up again.

nappyaddict · 10/05/2007 02:51

hijack

Original poster

babyonboard · 10/05/2007 13:55

We tried again last night, and as you said sunnysideup, it just doesn't work for us.
He seems to find it amusing, and quite enjoys the challenge and attention fom being constantly laid back down. We resorted to putting him in his carseat again, then moved him into his cot half an hour after he fell asleep. But this morning at 7am he sprang up and started it again.
I know there is no easy or fast solution to this but it is driving me crazy, dealing with this plus DD teething and crying all night is just getting too much.

Our plan for tonight is to put him in bed and both go in there and sit with books/ magazines etc, so we are nearby but not focusing on him iyswim. Fingers crossed!

OP posts:

greedygreedyguzzler · 10/05/2007 17:49

shame the rapid return didn't work. no other ideas i am afraid cos that has always worked for us, but just wanted to say good luck!

MadLabOwner · 12/05/2007 15:52

Hi BoB - not sure this will help at all but all my family did the cot rocking thing, in fact my earliest memory is standing up and rocking my cot. I remember it as being so much fun, even though I rocked the cot over a couple of times.

What my father did in the end was to nail the cot to the floor so it couldn't be rocked. Is there anyway you could do something similar with a couple of bits of plywood and some super strong glue or hinges etc? Sorry if this isn't practical advice for you at this time, but if your DS is doing it for fun as we all did, then this might do the trick.

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