Separation anxiety in 2 yo; any tips?

[Rumpleteezer]

My DD had severe reflux as a baby and cried pretty much 20 hours per day for her first 9 months and never slept. I carried her around in a sling all the time so I don't know if I've caused a problem here or if this is just her personality.

She's never been too keen on being apart from me and as I haven't been working she's pretty much been with me for 2 years (she's now 26 months).

It's now got to the point where if I go out for a rare evening and hubby puts her and her sister to bed she will guaranteed wake up multiple times in the night screaming for me. She won't go to my husband/MIL or my mum anymore, all of which she sees regularly and I am at the end of my tether.

How can I help her to be apart from me? She hates new situations/noise/generally being away from home but will talk about experiences positively when we get back.

She will be starting nursery next month for a couple of mornings a week which I think she will find very tricky.

I'm currently pregnant and having to go in 4/5 times per night the past two weeks because my MIL took her for an afternoon a fortnight ago and she hasn't slept properly since!

Any tips or recommendations would be really welcome :)

That does seem quite severe. Have you spoken to your HV? What does she think about your DD?

It might be worth doing the m-chat just to make sure there isn’t anything else going on here.

I’d also have a read of the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers. Your local library may have a copy.

I don’t know if this article will be of any any help too.

Congratulations on your pg too

Thank you for your reply. Yes, I mentioned my concerns at the 2 year check but she didn't seem concerned, especially as she was interacting with my daughter (who was firmly on my lap!). She said to go back if I had any further concerns.

The mchat link was interesting but I answered no to nearly all of the questions, reassuringly.

She is good with eye contact, will bring things over to me to show me and will happily play role play games with her sister for hours, she just has such an extreme reaction to being separated from me. I think I will see how nursery goes and if she's really struggling to settle I'll ask my HV for advice.

It does sound quite extreme.I have a fairly anxious 4 year old- nowhere near as much as your DD, but he hates any deviation from routine and doesn't like unfamiliar things. We also get anxiety related night waking.

What is she actually like with other people when they're looking after her? Is she upset by the process of separation, but then settles and is relatively happy? Or is she unhappy the whole time?

She is generally fine after the initial separation - if my mum has been staying for a couple of days she will usually go to her more easily than if it is a person that she knows who has just arrived. Today I have left her with my friend for a drs appointment and she was fine.

So it sounds like it's the process of separation that unsettles her, rather than actually being apart from you (provided that she feels secure of course)? She likes routine and predictability and doesn't like things to be different- even nice things that she enjoys? That sounds a bit like DS1: anything unusual, no matter how much he wants to do it and enjoys it, causes anxiety and he gets very fragile and sleep goes to pot for a while before and after.

You may find that nursery is a positive thing. There will be a routine, and an established key worker for her to build a relationship with. It will take time, but it will become part of her routine and thus predictable and safe eventually. I suspect there will be a rough patch first though. It's very tough on you- especially when pregnant.

Don't discount the possibility that pregnancy is a contributing factor in her being a bit more unsettled btw. Honestly, DS1 was 2.4 when I became pregnant with DS2 and I swear the sleep went to pot the second I saw a line on the pregnancy test. It was as though he could sense change was afoot, even before we told him/he had any real comprehension of it. It was bizarre.

That's about right furry giraffe. If a family member or one of my friends arrives she will sit on my lap and constantly ask for cuddles as if everyone's is trying to take her away from me, which obviously they're not...

Other things that set her off are loud or busy places and the obvious change to the routine/she's not a lover of me holding small babies.

I think you're spot on with the pregnancy too, they seem to have some uncanny intuition don't they?! Sadly my scan today shows it may not be viable . She has been a bit better recently though so that's something.