screaming bedtime PLEASE HELP(getting desperate)

[bicbic]

ds is upstairs screaming
the problem started when he started to sleep in my bed at about 6 weeks old .I knew that it wasnt always recommended but I was scared that I might drop him when I fell asleep breastfeeding sitting up,( he fed every 2-4 hours for a year) so I started to feed him lying down and we fell asleep together in the same bed and it continued until a few months ago .
8 months pregnant with dd ,we bought ds a cot bed the first few nights I gave in when he cried and lifted him to my bed.(our beds are in the same room until we move later this year which makes it more difficult).then I got tough and did controlled crying 2 1/2 hours first night then 20 mins then a couple of mins(3rd night) and then peaceful nights (at last) until ds came along.
The first few nights were ok until he saw me feeding dd in bed and cryed till I gave in and picked him up.
I bought an amby nature nest for dd but she doesnt like it so shes in my bed too(yes Im making the same mistake )but she will sleep in a basket no problem.(must buy one asap!)
Most nights I end up sleeping between them.

ds is still crying(40 mins later) I feel awful but need to sort this,he goes worse if I go up to see him( I know he needs reassurance but Im avoiding going up ).
I need to sort this before he grows out of his cot(hes climbed out once already)
HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!
ds is 19 months
dd is 3 months
please tell me your experiences and sleeping arrangements(with your children not your dh's!!)
please tell me Im not the only one who sleeps in the nursery while dh has a quiet night on his sofa bed.
ds still crying Ill have to go and see him (will probably give in for a quiet life,
the worst thing is when he gets on my bed he starts lauging(relief I think)
oh god how did things get so bad[SAD]

you poor poor woman

Sleep deprivation is an evil torture.
I would be doing the same in your situation regarding bringing them in to bed.

My DS1 slept with me until 14 months and it was a similar tale in terms of controlled crying to get ihm in to his cot, also in the same room.

DS2,, 11 months, comes in with me for the midnight feed and I only put him back in his cot half the time, he always wakes up in my bed.

And Dh and I haven't slept in the same bed for 16 months - no point both of you being woken in the night.

I'm sorry I don't have any practical advice, I think ds's jealousy is pretty much par for the course. Hopefully the rest of the wise MNers will give you some tips, but it will change once he gets his own room

You have my understanding and my sympathies though

thanks suzy its good to hear other peoples stories so I know Im not alone in this.It sort of makes me feel like a bad mum even though Im ok(most of the time!)I feel like I've done things wrong (especially compared to the put the kids in bed at 6 brigade)- which in hindsight seems like a good idea.But if I put ds in bed at six he'd probably wake up at 3am so I wouldnt win.At least we'll have our own bedrooms when we move , sometime this year hopefully(renovating house)
Until then I think Im going to have to put up with this situation.
Thanks for the sympathy anyway it helps!
Id did give in last night too,cause he woke dd up.

Blimey Bicbic that sounds dreadful. I think you've done amazingly well managing to get ds to sleep through in the same room as you and the baby to be honest. Does the baby not disturb him now?

From what you have said this is what I would do. I would join your dh on the sofa bed (I'm guessing this is in the living room?) with the baby in a basket next to you. You and DP are in this together! A day at work is no more exhausting than a day with a 19 month old and a 3 month old (I know, I have done both).

This means your ds gets the bedroom to himself. Get your ds into the cot bed and get him to stay there, even if it means staying with him while he goes off to sleep for the first few nights.You can gradually withdraw over a week or so (eg first couple of nights on his bed while he goes to sleep, second maybe sitting on your bed, then standing by the door etc etc)

I'm afraid that I'd keep the arrangement until you move - altho if you manage to get the baby sleeping through by 9 months (some do, some don't I know) I'd move the baby into the bedroom with your ds. You'll probably have moved by then tho? Hopefully it will be a short term arrangement but you really need to get the sleep with your ds sorted now I think. HTH

sleeeping arrangements are not very organised at the moment but I think we could work something out thats a bit better

dd is a saint,she doesnt cry in the night(when she needs a feed I just hear hear shuffling about) she sleeps nearly all night,its ds that wakes her!

I am getting enough sleep its just I cant move in bed and the weathers a bit warm for sardines!