8 year old "quirky"

[Frogscotch7]

My 8 year old son has always been pretty high maintenance but since he started this school year (fourth year of school) he's finding life really difficult.

He has a whole list of "quirks" and I can't see that they add up to anything in particular but his school and Gp have referred him to psychology for assessment. Unfortunately there is a very long wait.

His behaviour is having quite an impact on the rest of the family and We are all finding. It hard to deal with.

I wondered if anyone here recognises this cluster of behaviours, or has any advice for me?

Chews clothes
Nightmares
Tantrums
Takes the blame for things that aren't his fault
Feels shy but can act loud to hide it
Feels like he has no friends
Extreme rages in response to others not following his rules
Wants to run away
School feels like a jail
Fussy eater - will vomit easily
Fussy over clothes.
Great imagination, makes up stories and characters
Very close with his younger sister to the point of being quite dependent on her.
Changes in routine - e.g. Snow days - always end in tantrums, crying and hitting
Very strictly follows any rules he is given and expects others to do the same.
Obsesses over small incidents that may have happened months or even years ago e.g. Someone laughing at him.
Can ride a bike but otherwise not at all sporty and still comes down the stairs like a toddler, two feet on each step.
Feels like he doesn't sleep (he does).
He does get jokes and can be funny himself but can't stand any form of teasing.
Loves stories, gets lost in audio books for hours on end.
Always feels like one out of the crowd, feels like he doesnt fit in anywhere.

Oh, poor boy! And poor you trying to manage it all

From some of the things you are saying, I'd be possibly thinking about the high functioning end of the autism spectrum. The strict rule-following and needing others to follow his rules, need for routine, social difficulties and obsessiveness, inability to take teasing or personal humour, sound a bit that way. Fussiness about food and clothes and chewing clothes suggest some sensory issues which can go alongside. Feeling as if he has no friends may be a kind of black-and-white thinking and not understanding the to-and-fro of ordinary social life.

The rages and tantrums are likely to be his response to the frustration of not having things the way he wants/needs them to be and the anxiety of being in a world that he doesn't quite understand and that doesn't quite understand him.

In the meantime... for social quirks and generally helping him to get along with other kids you could try the Unwritten Rules of Friendship - have a look at the chapters on the Different Drummer, Sensitive Soul, Pessimistic Child and Born Leader and see if anything chimes. And for managing his temper try Ross Greene's Explosive Child book and Lives in the Balance website. These don't depend on any particular diagnosis and I found the Ross Greene book especially helpful while I was waiting for assessment.

Waiting around for assessments was the worst time though. Once I knew what my DS was dealing with, things gradually started to get better. I hope things get better soon for your DS and for all of you!

Thanks so much for these, I'll have a good look. I always thought his imagination and love of stories ruled out ASD but learning a bit more about it and it keeps coming up. I've spent the afternoon chasing up appointments and trying to make a case for him to be seen asap. Thanks again.

My DS has an ASC and a very good imagination, he's been writing a fantasy novel for years! Children are just full of surprises, with ASCs and without.

i would say aspergers is a possibility. People with aspergers can have great imaginations and be very talented writers. What they often find hard is imagining how someone else may be feeling

Thanks again for the replies. He is extremely tuned into other people's feelings - so he gets upset if others are upset and completely overwhelmed if someone else in his class is misbehaving or showing anger. He's very caring towards his family and very young children. So you can see there are conflicting behaviours and feelings there that aren't really autistic in nature at all. But the more I read about autism the less I understand tbh. I'm calling the GP tomorrow as I'm a bit overwhelmed myself with the intensity of his meltdowns at the moment.

The idea of people with autism not having empathy is a bit of a stereotype, it's common to have issues with empathy but they can involve over-empathy - over-reacting to other people's feelings and being unable to distance from them. With my DS it sometimes felt as if the boundary between him and the rest of the world was slightly in the wrong place. And I wasn't meaning to say your DS definitely has an autism-spectrum condition, it really needs the professionals to tease apart the different aspects and figure out what's going on! They will usually check for a whole range of different things not just autism. Whatever the underlying issues may be he is obviously struggling and calling the GP seems a good place to start.

Your DS sounds like a very lovable child anyway in spite of the meltdowns.

Thanks kleinzeit he is very lovable! And I make a point of telling him so when he's at his very worst as he's always so worried about not being "forgiven" - I've no idea where this stuff comes from.

It's interesting to hear about empathy as I would say he does over empathise. When he was being bullied he wouldn't hear a word against his bully as he knew life was difficult for him too. The school were great and dealt with it fairly rapidly but I found his reaction bewildering.

I'm making a round of calls today. Hoping someone will help him be seen a bit quicker.

A lot (almost all) of what you listed sounds like my 8 year old who has high functioing autism.

My DS has a very strong imagination - he's almost too imaginative. Some people seem to think having an imagination rules out autism.

My DS also has a very good sense of humour and loves making jokes. He is very sharp and witty. However, he sometimes misinterprets things - sometimes if someone is teasing him in a friendly way he thinks they are actually being mean. This happens more often with people he is less familiar with. He gets when I am just teasing him in a friendly way as he is familar with me - and he teases me back in a friendly way.

Also, I agree about empathy. Some people with autism might at times appear to lack empathy but this can be because they have read the signals from the other person incorrectly. Its not that they lack the ability to feel sad etc for someone else. My son gets especially upset if he sees someone mistreating an animal but can go a bit over the top. He got very upset when his little brother tried to take a ladybird hone from the park as he was deeply worried about the ladybird's family missing it. He got very upset, crying loudly - other children don't tend to react this way. Also, he gets upst if I don't give money to every person begging that we pass on the street as he worries about them being hungry.

Can you go privately for an assessment if the wait is too long? Or maybe just get some practical advice from a good occupational therapist - they should be able to advise you and the school on how to adapt things a bit to make things easier for him while you wait for the assessment.

It sounds like your son might have some sensory issues - have a read of this- www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/child-learning-disabilities/sensory-processing-issues/understanding-sensory-processing-issues