Temper and tantrums

[Forgottencoffee]

My DS is 11 months and for the last couple of weeks he has developed such a temper. Over the last few days it has become almost unbearable. He is perfectly fine one minute and will play happily for about half an hour but if the slightest thing does not go his way (e.g. something gets stuck or I won't let him have the remote) then he will have the loudest screaming fit and often there is no consoling him, he even holds his breath until he passes out if he's feeling particularly dramatic.

He's the same in public; he won't sit in a highchair in a restaurant (or at home!), the trolley/pram in the supermarket and won't be held. He doesn't seem to have any patience at all. Even my mum, who takes care of him while I'm at work, has mentioned what hard work he can be when she takes him anywhere.

His sleeping is getting worse. It takes me about an hour to get him to nap through the day (2 x 2 hour naps) and he wakes up every 1 - 3 hours through the night and it will take around an hour to get him to go back down in his cot. DH and I are so exhausted.

I'd kind of like to instill some sort of routine to his days/evening but I have no idea how to go about it as our week can be quite erratic. He spends Mon, Tues & Thurs with my DM and 2 hours on these days with a childminder while I'm at work. On a Tuesday MIL has him from 4pm until 8pm then on a Thursday we go to DM's house for tea and get home around 8pm, both days he falls asleep in the car and we put him straight to bed when we get home.

It's getting to the point where I don't want to take him out anywhere for fear of what he might be like and I feel like I just want someone to take him for a week to give me/us a break (& it breaks my heart to admit it!).

Please tell me this is normal and will soon pass?
Any hints or tips on how to handle it?

It will pass, please believe me. One thing that might help is using signs when you speak to him. I got a book from our library and used them with my 2 and it really did seem to help. Babies often get frustrated when they can’t communicate what they want.

If he tantrums though, I’d just completely ignore it. If you’re out, people will look but that’s just human nature. Nobody is going to think badly of you as we’ve all been there.

Is he walking yet? If he’s about to, this could be affecting his sleep. It could also be that he’s ready to drop to one nap a day which is usual at 12 months.

As for the evening routine, I’d try to stick to one on the night that you are home. We did tea at 5pm followed by a little play. Bath at 6pm followed by books, milk and bed aiming to get them asleep by 7pm.

My beautiful, smiley baby has starting tantruming too! She also started around 11 months and now at 12 1/2 She is such a pickle if she doesn't get her way! She is such a Jeykll and Hyde! If I tell her no she cries, throws herself on the floor and screams! Couldn't believe it when she started as my son never did floor throwing!! I have just decided she is over dramatic and try to leave her to it rather than giving in to things like having the remote. She has started pointing and making a noise when she wants something so that has helped a bit as sometimes she can have the thing she wants. I guess she is just learning no means no and am just hoping and assuming it is a phase!

I don't have any advice on the tantrumming as my 10 month old screamed in fury yesterday when we wouldn't give her a banana. The only thing I would suggest is about sleep- at 11 months I'd have thought four hours of day time sleep is bound to have a negative impact on nights as they just don't tend to need that much. I think two hours or even a bit less is pretty standard. Maybe that might help?

Gosh this is my DS too! He’s a couple of months older but he’s started crying in frustration a lot too. I wondered if it was normal or not and perhaps it is. If he’s holding a toy (for example) and I take it off him at lunch time, he’ll start crying and get really ratty. This is a new thing as he’s always been such an easy baby. I am starting to think he’s become a terrible 2 too early!
I agree with PP that his naps seems excessive. At that age my DS had one nap per day, for a maximum of 45 minutes. He’s always slept through the night so the lack of daytime sleep has never worried me. Does he really need 4 hours?

Thanks everyone for your posts!

His behaviour seems to be getting better now. It was hopefully just a phase!

With regards to his naps, I've always just gone with the flow and let him sleep as and when he wants to. I'm ashamed to say it but it was always easier to let him sleep longer when he's been in a terrible mood all day.

When he's with my mum he only has about 1/2 hour all day max and he still wouldn't sleep through. Previously, if he hasn't had his 4 hours (or there abouts) he would be in a terrible terrible mood all afternoon.

Over the last week I've tried to keep him awake until around lunch time before I let him go down for his nap, he has no more than 2 hours then I've kept him awake until 7pm and introduced a little routine of dinner, bath, bottle then bed. It hasn't made any difference with his sleeping at night (he's waking every 2 hours currently) but I feel a sense of calm in myself.

That's great that he's a bit calmer. But you must be absolutely knackered if he's waking every two hours. Have you done any sleep training? I will prob get flamed for suggesting it but we did one night of controlled crying when DD was 9 1/2 months and I just couldn't take the wakings/night breast feeds anymore and she has slept through every night now for a month. I couldn't believe what a difference it has made. Perhaps related (but not sure- could just be age): she is also a lot merrier during the day- although obviously not when bananas are around ;-). But understand that it's not something everyone wants to do.