I sympathize shelbel.Think my daughter has
become a bit more aggressive towards me especially,since she started school,but it's mainly when she's tired/ill that it happens.
Tonight i only said something calmly to her about hurrying up,in the bath and she started raging and spat in my face.She's five in June,so a bit different to your DS's age.I would really think she would have more self control of her rage at this age,or am i being unrealistic anyone?Anyone else with a nearly 5 year old like this?!.Like you say,we tried time out and she justs gets madder and if i threaten punishment,she just starts hitting me as well!!.
She is extremely good though mostly,but when she does something naughty,we usually give her one warning,making sure she hears us and she has to say sorry as well,then if she does it again(which 9/10 she doesn't)or refuses to comply,we give her a sad face on chart.If she gets 2 sad faces,then she loses favourite toys,till she has a full daisy again,when she gets them back(daisy with velcro petals we made,inspired by supernanny).When she has a 'full' daisy,she gets a 'daisy voucher' which she can swap for a craft project with mummy,or a different treat.The petals come off,then we start again.After 3 full daisys,she gets a very special day out,or we find her old toys in the loft that she wants.
She gets to stick on two petals for each random good thing that she does.
Tonight though,i didn't warn her about sad face because she wasn't listening anyway and also i thought maybe she should have sad face straightaway if it involved violence or downright disrespect to us or grandparents.
Was i too hard on her though?maybe i should have warned her or just half ignored her rage anyway,because she was definately at the end of her tether with tiredness and a virus too?.I felt so guilty after i cried.It was her 2nd sad face so i said i would choose 2 of her favourite dollies to take.She was heartbroken.After,when she calms down i talk to her saying how we still love her lots,but she has to know it's not acceptable to spit or hit people,even if she is angry,and she should never do it again(but i fear she will forget this next time she gets angry!).I said,she had to walk away quick,if someone made her angry or do some deep breathing(i demonstrate),or go bash a cushion,or go to 'calm down corner'(don't use it as punishment,just a place to calm down!)
I used to not think twice about taking her stuff,but seem to feel really guilty these days,but usually just warning works and she only has one sad face for weeks at a time.Don't have as much happy/quality time with her ,now she's at school-maybe i want to keep it calmer/happier?!
I wouldn't worry about the throat thing either .Agression is such a sensitive issue isn't it?!,especially towards us.
Suppose we have to carry on with what were trying to do and so they know violence doesn't get results they want.If it's towards other kids,iv'e heard people say,they ignore the attacker and make a fuss of the victim,to discourage it-but definately need different tactics for different ages i think.It has to be nipped in the bud though,seen programs where older kids are violent towards parents to get their own way and totally disrespect them,and it takes a LONG time to turn them round!!
good luck
happyathome