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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Difficult 14 month old

16 replies

Kaz33 · 01/08/2004 22:09

DS2 is now 14 months old and is a great walker, climber, very independent and gregarious. All that is great. He has started having tantrums ie: nappy changing, getting into any sort of straps... That is difficult but handleble.

What I find difficult is that home as soon as I go into the kitchen he wants to be carried as soon I start cooking. If I refuse to pick him up or lock him out of the kitchen he starts to scream and work himself up into a frenzy - sometimes falling over and hurting himself in the process.

Background - I have only recently started being a SAHM ( 1 month ) so he has been looked after two seperate nannies since he was 6 months old. Could he just be feeling insecure ?

What do I do ? Do I give into his demands and hope he grows out of it and do all my cooking when he sleeps. Or, do I get tough and just lock him out of the kitchen ( that is what our nanny did I believe !!). I would like to involve him in the process, have him in the kitchen but he is a stubborn little blighter ! Very different than his big brother.

Any thoughts, experiences welcome.

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johno · 01/08/2004 22:15

my Ds is 14 months but i dont have him in the kitchen at all, he isnt walking yet but i have a stairgate for when he starts that i am going to put up at the kitchen, when my son has a paddy he goes all stiff and holds his breath till he goes red in the face,changing his nappy is a nightmare as hes started to kick me and when picking him up, if he doesnt want to be he grabs my cheecks and pulls till it hurts and his nails go in your skin and also throws my glasses on th floor so i cant see, he thinks its hillerious

johno · 01/08/2004 22:16

apart from this hes a diamond lol

Original poster

Kaz33 · 01/08/2004 22:18

Thanks Johno for cheering me up - strangely I can';t remember what DS1 was like at this age, he must have been stroppy and had tantrums but I just have these rosy coloured tinted image of him always laughing and smiling ...

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charliecat · 01/08/2004 22:19

Do you have a high chair you could put him in? I vaguely remember sticking my babys in there when needed and picking up toys for them to throw back off as I cooked. My highchair tray was like a tray thing and when things got really desperate i would put a thin layer of water on it for them to splash on with one of those splash mat things underneath.
Splash Splash Splash and happy as larry they were!

johno · 01/08/2004 22:24

well thats what ppl say isnt it remember the good times, i will probably be like that when my Ds is older and i have another child, hey charliecat, ill try this one myself whern i want to carry on with housework and he gets fed up with tv lol

Original poster

Kaz33 · 01/08/2004 22:31

High chair has been tried and rejected, though maybe I need to be more imaginative with toys and games for him. I like the water idea though, will try.

DS1 liked to sit in highchair and watch me cook, oh happy days.

OP posts:

johno · 01/08/2004 22:35

have you ever given him of those tupperware containers to play with, My Ds loves to take the lids off put his dummy in it and try to put the lid back on which takes him ages then he does it all over again

zebra · 01/08/2004 22:54

BTDT...3 ideas:

Put him in a backpack while you cook.
Do all the food prep in the morning or night before, so all you have to do is stir with one hand while balancing toddler on your hip.
Stick him on a chair next to you while you cook, and let him "help" by putting cut up veg/potatoes in the water, pouring rice in the pot, playing with his own butter knife at chopping the cooking apples, etc.

johno · 01/08/2004 22:57

is number 2 and 3 safe for a 14 month old, i wouldnt dare do either of them, sorry if i sound a little ott,

ChicPea · 01/08/2004 23:18

My DD was 14mths when I realised that she understood EVERYTHING I said! So, I would explain to your DS before you start cooking that you are going to cook (and I would do some prep in the evening so that the actual cooking is less stressful for both of you) and he can sit on the floor and bang saucepans and lids with wooden spoon to pretend he is cooking or play with his toys while you prepare his delicious food. And explain to him that the quicker he lets you cook, the quicker you can sit with him.
Sometimes my DD, now 22mths, wants to be carried when I am making my coffee in the morning and so I do carry her so she gets that comfort BUT I let her "help" me, ie I lift her up and let her carry the cream to the fridge, open the door, let her place the cannister in the fridge and then I say "Let's close the door" and praise her. She is so pleased to have been picked up, pleased that she helped with something and then praised. I'm not saying that I pick her up everytime she demands it, I don't but when I do and I am busy I try to make her feel involved and special. I do explain everything to her and always have done. You say that you employed a nanny before who may not have explained things the way you would explain them but this doesn't matter. They learn so quickly, your DS soon will.
At the moment I am having difficulties getting DD into the car. She climbs in and goes straight to the driver's seat and sits there moving the wheel. Of course I then reach to put her in her car seat and she screams, protests and stiffens her body. So my DH suggested a steering wheel and I found a battery operated wheel that has a noise like an ignition, bibs, changes gears and indicates. It's fantastic. I showed it to her the first time today when we went out and while I drove in the front, she drove in the back and thoroughly enjoyed herself!
One last thought, you cannot reason with a toddler during their tantrum. I would speak to him before you plan to cook but if that results in a tantrum, let it subside and then talk about it afterwards when he has calmed down and when it is fresh in his memory.

Original poster

Kaz33 · 02/08/2004 07:20

Lots of good ideas here, think i just needed some positive feedback as he is really fab just a little stubborn.

OP posts:

Piffleoffagus · 02/08/2004 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Piffleoffagus · 02/08/2004 20:34

cooking time I meant?
typos sorry...

shrub · 02/08/2004 20:58

could you give him a small starter to keep him going ie. raisins, small strips of cucumber or carrot. another idea that i use for my ds2 (also 14 months) is playdoh when he's in the highchair. i just mix some flour, water and oil (you can keep in the fridge for a week bring it out early to warm it up and make soft again). I then give him an ice cube tray and little pots to put inside. also nursery rhyme tape can help.
good luck x

Piffleoffagus · 02/08/2004 21:02

be warned though some babies love the taste... LOL
dd still tries to snack on it now at 21 mths despite it being the worst tasting thing in the world...
it comes out the same colour in the poo... tee hee

Original poster

Kaz33 · 02/08/2004 21:48

Playdough - gosh why didn't I think of that, he loves it.

I am finding it tough as everything is a battle, changing nappy, getting dressed, making dinner, finishing dinner before big brother ( always as DS1 takes for ever ), putting in high chair, putting in buggy.....

I know the theory that you need to get their attention and find ways of distracting them. But its tough, really looking for reassurance that DS2 is totally normal and this is how they are meant to behave...

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