Nature vs nurture or what if...

[emkana]

Over the last few days I've been pondering the question if my dd1, who's 3, would be a completely different child now if I had stuck to the plans I had made before she was born. I intended then to go back to work when whe was a year old and to have my MIL look after her. In the end I couldn't do it and am now a SAHM. But what would have happened if? MIL is so different to me... how would it have influenced dd1? Examples: MIL will always say "be careful, watch out, you're going to fall" and things like that - whereas I just wait and see. Dd1 is quite confident at climbing etc., not scared of things generally - would that have been different?
I'm quite careful where dd1's diet is concerned - limited sweets and all that, whereas MIL is constantly offering food to dd1, and lets her get away with murder where table manners are concerned - I picked dd1 up from her house on Friday, where she had spent the afternoon, and when I got there dd1 was eating a chocolate mousse in front of the telly, carelessly waving her spoon around getting mousse everywhere... I told her to be more careful, but MIL just said "Ssssh, it's ok" and followed her around with a wet wipe to clean up after her... talk about doormat...
Also I doubt that MIL would have taken dd out for walks, as she is a bit of a couch potato, and to toddler groups and all that...
So would I have a timid, unsociable, overweight child now if MIL had looked after her? I know, it's not that simple...but still a fascinating thought what she might have turned out like...

Ooo good thread!
I am always thinking along these lines.
I parented my two completley differently. With ds1 I did controlled crying, bottle fed and I bought him up to be as independant as possible despite my instincts screaming at me to pick him up and carry him and co-sleep etc.
With ds2 I knew better shall we say. We co-sleep with him, he is breast fed and I plan on child led weaning (if that is a plan!) and he is carried for as long as he needs to be carried.
Ds1 is a hyperactive, demanding, mardy child who finds it difficult to sleep. Ds2 is a secure, happy baby who loves his sleep. Of course they both have very different qualitites it isn't black and white but generally these are my observations.
I have always wondered 'what if'...

brilliant thread emkana - i think both, you can't isolate them. there have been studies into twins, many being completely different in temperament/character. i know of one mum who has sent one of her twin boys to my ds1's school as he is very into the outdoors, active and gregarious, whereas her other twin son goes to a steiner school as he is very quiet and sensitive. there's a book called the blank slate by steven pinker that covers this very subject - on the bookshelf but have yet to get into the right state of mind to read it.

Emkana, you should have a look at a book called 'Nature via Nurture' by Matt Ridley. It's all about what makes us the people we are - genes or environment, inherited tendencies or experiences. It's really readable and imo, completely fascinating. He says it's a bit of both, btw, but it's quite surprising what he isolates as 'inherited' behaviour and what is put down to environmental effects...