Have you been a good girl today?

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Hi all, iv had recent issues with my daughter (3 this week) being over agressive and nasty. Nursery staff made me aware at first but then i recently witnessed her pushing her friend and being generally nasty. Iv worked out that she does it when shes had chocolate and so im monitoring how much she has and the effect. My question is related to this but slightly deeper (bare with me). So, obviously iv made her understand that her behaviour is not acceptable however, last night i asked her if she had been a good girl and she said “yes mummy”. I tested her and asked “why have you been a good girl” and she said “because i didnt pushed anyone today”. This is my question - is it good that she realises that pushing others, is not nice or should i be worried that she thinks shes been good, just because, she hasnt pushed anyone. Or am i waaay over thinking?

"Being a good girl" is a really vague concept for a small child. Most need to know what you mean by that phrase. She has learned that when she pushes it makes people sad and when she doesn't it makes people say she has "been a good girl".
If you want to know what she has done, you need to ask her "What did you do today?"

In life generally, you need to comment on things she does that are what you consider to be 'good'. So....
"That's a good girl dd, you've put your clothes in the washing basket"
"That's a good girl dd, you were really gentle with {insert name of younger friend / cousin}"
"Oh, you are so 'good', washing the car with me today"
"dd, that was really good that you were helping {nursery worker} with {whatever task} when I arrived today"
"good girl trying that new food today"
"Oh Daddy, dd was ever such a good girl today, she {insert something 'good' that she did}

etc., on a regular basis, so she learn all the things that you consider to 'be good'.

Thank you, yes. Thats good advice

Speak about making good choices instead of "being a good girl"

Watch for times she independently makes a good choice....and comment.

So....DD comforts a child who is hurt...you say "Well done DD....that was a good choice! You decided to help Emily because she was crying...you put your arm around her and patted her. Now she feels happy"

Or whatever.

Then the child learns how it is responsible for it's own behaviour.