5 year old tantrums right before school....help :(

[autismmumwithafamily]

Hi,
My youngest DS is just 5. He's reception at school. He is a bright boy. He has an older sister and two older brothers with disabilities and learning disabilities.
He has never been great about going to school but had made some friends and kind of accepted it. After a genuine Illness a couple of months ago where he had 3 days off he has been terrible. He gets up in the morning and then his behaviour deteriorates until leaving time when he refuses to get in the car, hits me, screams and bites etc. Bear in mind I am getting 4 children in the car including a wheelchair son and all his mess and my severely autistic son, this is just the straw breaking my back.
When we get to school (my husband drives, I take them in, he is first) he grabs hold of the railings screaming and kicking.
The school have asked us to take him in 5 minutes early through the main entrance but this is thus far not helping. He is lashing out at the school staff as well. I have to just leave him with them. Apparently he gets over this after about half an hour and then does fine (he's a bit of a distant lad but does his work) he comes out fine, quite often will say sorry, but then the next day it starts again.
He is also having night terrors and despite a full nights sleep looks really tired a lot of the time.
Any advice for a frazzled worried mum

If he’s this distressed and tired all of the time, I’d take him to the GP and ask for a referral. I think he needs checking out

My 6 year old has a lot of tantrums too but they wouldn't go on as long as those your son has. My 6 year old is NT but can be a bit grumpy when tired. I also have an 8 year old with autism.

I think it sounds like it might be worth having your son assessed, especially when there is a child with autism in the family.

This is very common in children with Asperger's?high functioning autism. They find the social and sensory environment in school and the demands of impaired executive function and slower processing exhausting and stressful but they mask these difficulties, trying desperately to blend in and slip under the radar.

Their inability to process and understand their own emotions and their limited emotional vocabulary can mean they don't know or don't understand why they feel like they feel.

This is what shouted at me reading your post before I got to the part where you mentioned having another child with autism.

The strategies children can use to appear fine in school and other social environments can be complex and convincing. It is possible that he's having a difficult time in school and the adults around him have no idea. He may shut down all his non-verbal communication and replace it with a cheerful persona that everyone thinks is the real him.

Obviously this isn't me diagnosing him (even though I'm sitting in an armchair) but it does sound like maybe some things need to change in school to reduce his stress so he doesn't feel so distressed about going.