"Babies are all so different". Please help prove with extremes in development.

[JillyD]

Wonder if you can help. One of my children seems behind developmentally and I wasn't too worried about it until a friend said that all babies should hit all milestones at roughly the same time, give or take a bit (ok, so what's a 'bit'?)

I think these milestones are a very rough guide and have never taken too much note of them. I have started to read them more, since one of my kids seems a bit slow.

Can you give me some examples of extremes in development i.e. very early/ very late development in perfectly normal children? Here's mine:

One of my sons rolled at 5 months but my youngest has just turned one and does not roll at all. BIG DIFFERENCE.

Anyone else?

DS has been babbling since he was 3m old (all the time, he is a chatterbox!), he is 18m now and has just finally said Papi (daddy) 2 weeks ago.

He can eat with a spoon since some months ago but he won't touch any food with his hands (so forget about finger food or feeding himself milestones as he won't touch a piece of toast).

I have 2 kids, one did everything early and to this day remains a "gifted" child.
DD is 21 mths and has yet to walk, she does talk a little, she did roll later than "average"
All kids are different, I joke that next time with no 3 I just want an average kid that does everything when it should, not before nor afterwards!
Are there other things that worry you Jilly?

Ds3 was saying words from 9 months, and 3 word sentences from 12 months. ds4 is 1 and can just about say mama. Ds3 smiled at me at two weeks, ds4 did not make proper eye contact till about 8 weeks, or smile till a couple of weeks after that.
Ds3 walked at 9 months, ds4 started crawling at 9 months, and is now trying to stand. I'm quite glad that my baby is still a baby, because ds3 seemed to race through babyhood by doing everything early. HTH.

I only have the one child but I know that in my group that I get together with, all 9 children spaced a month apart from eldest to youngest, did everything at different times. The first one walked at 11 months, the last one (my sone) at 15 months. The gap between tehm talking was even longer, about 6-8 months I think. Even now that they are 3, there are still differences in the stages of developement (toilet training is a big example.. the girl that started using the potty first is actually still using the potty and still having accidents quite frequently, the child who we all consider to be the most intelligent in the group has been the hardest and longest to train).

They are all different JillyD. I was really concerned when DS was so late walking and all the other children were practically running like an adult but I now feel much mor erelaxed about it all and with my next one I shall endeavour to ignore any of the 'well, my son was doing such and such by this age' conversation.

Difficult I'm sure but try not to get anxious about it. You know your child the best and if you think he's happy and coming along at his own pace then that is all that matters.

Jilly,
I have one of those late developing babies.
My HV upset me alot when he was 6 wks "isn't he smiling yet, we will have to watch that".
He is 11months now and only started rolling about 3 weeks ago.
He babbles alot and does understand some words. He has just started crawling today and cut two teeth today.
All of a sudden he has decded to catch up!

His mate was doing things like getting books of the shelf to stand on so she could reach a higher shelf whn she was 11 months old!! SHe doesn't sleep or eat and cries alot and is a major league handful, though.
I can't comment on when they have to reach these milestones, I just know that I was about to change my DS's middle name to manyana!
I'm sure your baby is ok, he may be conmcentrating on more cerebral things and not bothering so much with the physical. It may just happen really suddenly like it has for us in the last month.

dd was a textbook child, sat up at about 10 months, crawled at about 11, walked at 14 months, ds started to crawl at 7mo. My neice and nephew didn't walk until 23 months old, and nephew didn't speak in a way you could decipher until 3yo

It depends which milestones are being missed and how many. If a child is late with all milestones it should definitely be looked at. But things like crawling vary wildy (And don't always happen)- different milestones have different degrees of importance. Rolling is less important that things like sitting up. One milestone my son was very late on was pointing and I wish that had been taken more seriously.

Also it often depends on whether the milestone is just late or whether it is disordered as well iyswim. My 2 and a half year old has very unclear speech- and I've lost count of the number of people who have told me about late speakers. The thing is though that his speech isn't delayed - it is disordered- he is trying to put it together incorrectly- speech sound development should follow a fairly set pattern- he's all over the place- and that is often more of a problem than a delay and usually doesn't get better by itself (and can indcate other problems- although having seen those other problems in ds1 I don't remotely think that is the case for ds2).

Ds1 seems to have met nearly every milestone either very early or very late. His development is all over the place really. He sat up at about 4.5mths, crawled at 7mths, and had good written word recognition (ie reading) at 2yrs. OTOH he didn't start to point until 2.5yrs and he started to talk at 3yrs.

Ds2 is 18mths old and a budding gymnast as far as physical milestones are concerned but he still can't talk yet.

It's probably worth getting it checked out if every single milestone is delayed. Was the 'late' baby premature?

A late premature baby??? I meant was the baby/child who is hitting their milestones late a premature baby?

My eldest 3 all slept on their fronts (pre Anne Diamond's campaign). None of them could sit unaided until long after they started walking round the furniture. DD started crawling at 6 months, pulled herself to stand 3 weeks later & was walking independently at 10 months. She also said one word at 10 months, then didn't speak again until she was well over a year (16-18 months?). DS1 followed a similar pattern & was about a month slower. DS2 rolled over at 6 weeks, crawled (backwards) at 4 months & was pulling himself up at 5 months. He walked at about 10 months but I don't remember when he started speaking.

The last one slept on his back, so didn't crawl until he was a lot older than the other 3 had been. He first sat unaided at 6 months & really didn't do much at all. He didn't actually walk until 13 months & didn't start talking until after that. Compared to my other 3 he was really slow, but he still passed the 11+ & is considered a bright boy (just a slow developer).

As far as the potty thing goes, tried to train DD at 2 1/2 but didn't get her reliably dry day or night until 3 1/2. DS1 was 2 1/2 & trained himself. DS2 was slightly older & we didn't even attempt DS3 until 3 1/2.

neither of my boys ever rolled and they are both absolutely fine!
ds's1 speech is really good and he was really fluent by 2.But, he is only really properly toilet trained in the past few months and he's nearly 4.5.

at seven months my ds crawled the one week sat up the next week and then stood up the same day people said he should be sitting before then just tell them what i do children are human they will do things when there good and ready and i wouldnt wory about him rolling a freind of the familys baby never rooled over till they were three just couldnt be bothered as long as he can stand holding onto something or bum shuffling or crawling i wouldnt worry to much about rolling my ds has gone against every book under the sun

Ds hardly spoke anything recognisable until he was over 2 - nothing wrong with his ears or his understanding, just no real words. People were beginning to raise eyebrows, then he just took off. Now I can't shut him up. He was definitely the latest of the children I know to start talking and I did worry, but in the end it has been fine.

Jilly - I did developmental psychology and I was taught that children usually following a pattern in the order they achieve milestones but not the age. So I wouldnt worry about how quickly they do things.

My ds loved crawling and hated walking - so was really late to take it up. Whereas his cousin never crawled - she went from rolling to walking.

my ds never rolled or crawled ,he was useless at moving on teh floor,he walked with his hands held from eleven months and on his own at 13 months.

I would think there is nothing to worry about,If he's not walking by 2 then it probably needs checking,does he put weight on his feet,use his muscles for kicking etc,

Jilly, Jimjams who knows about this stuff makes a good point. It does depend on the milestones. Crawling for instance some babies don't do at all. What are you concerned about?
FWIW my DS1 barely rolled at all and was a late walker, 16.5mo. DS2 was properly walking before 10mo. He is much more active than DS1 was. DS1 was late hopper, still not skipping (he's 5 now) so this is just not his best thing. DS2 clearly going to be big on gross motor (kicks ball, climbs rocks (at seaside!), into everything at 15mo. Not a great talker tho, unlike DD.
Yes, they are all different, but yes, the milestones serve a purpose. If I had a child who eg didn't walk at all at 20 mo or be willing to stand at a year I would be concerned.
If you are concerned, do seek advice from HV or GP, they can help/reassure you.

bob didn't get any finger food into his own mouth until 11.5 months and couldn't work out a trainer cup at all until his 1st birthday, that put him 6 months behind other babies we know. Now he does puzzles and shape sorters in under a minute at 16 months while all his mates are just banging the pieces together.

Thanks everyone

My youngest does seem slow in a few areas and I AM starting to worry:

he bore his full weight on his legs at 3-4 months, but at one has yet to pull himself up and even attempt to cruise. He doesn't like it if I hold his hands and try to walk with him. I have stopped doing it.
he is not rolling yet so cannot get from lying to sitting. He doesn't yet move around his cot
he started babbling a bit late at 11 months but started pointing at exactly the same time
his speech has not moved forward in a couple of months. He only says ba, mamama and dadada. He grunts and points at things he wants
he seems to understand only one or two words/commands
he has used a cup for all drinks from 8 months and coped with lumpiest of food from 6 months. He likes drinking from an open cup best
he has no interest in feeding himself with a spoon and just trhows it on the floor if I give it to him

... oh and he crawls in a VERY odd way and has been doing so for only a month now. He sits, lunges forward, twists, sits again a bit further on then moves his legs through 180 degrees and repeats. It takes him ages to get anywhere and looks a bit odd. It's kind of sidewinding. Picture it?

That all sounds quite normal to me. My nephew is same age as my ds and did everything earlier than ds and it does put pressure on. But ds gets there in his own time. DS also had a funny crawl, sort of commando style IYSWIM?

JillyD, your ds' development sounds a little bit like mine. We have noticed that ds' body always seems to be a little behind what he wants to be able to do. So he realised that crawling was out there, but didn't have a clue and came up with a similarly bizarre lunge and pull method of getting himself about. It was totally inefficient and painfully slow, but he hadn't a clue. Then one day he went up on all fours and scampered off.

He was very funny about clapping. Can't remember the age, but everyone else's baby could already clap. He watched very closely while I clapped. Then he rubbed his hands together while smacking his lips to make the sound!

We figure that with both parents being Oxford graduates who cannot run/jump/throw a ball or do anything that requires coordination that this is just the way he is! It sounds like your ds is pretty similar.

dd1 rolled at 9months. dd2 rolled at 4months.

dd1 was very chatty, good speech, fair few words at 2years old. dd2 has a few words, but i can understand her (just short of 2nd birthday) and vocab is increasing daily (learnt orange today).

dd1 crawled at one year. dd2 did at 6months.

dd1 walked at 16months. dd2 walked at 10months.

both cut 1st teeth at about 4months old. both eat well. both point. both are lovely!!!

jilly my cousin bum-crawled, rather than go on all fours. She then got up & started to walk

DD sat unaided at 17 weeks, 'cruised' using my hands as support at 5 months, cruised furniture at 6 months, crawled at 8 months and then walked at 10 months. Can't remember her rolling much at all. She hated laying on her front from the start - too nosey! She must have been able too as I would find her laying on her tummy or side in her cot, but she didn't do it during the day really.

Her language was and still is great - first words around 6 months, combining words at a year, sentences and conversations from around 18 months. Now 2y 3m and still a clear, fluent chatterbox with a vocab of several hundred!

Teething was a different story. She got her first tooth at 13 months and then got them all in wrong order!