How the feckity feck do I get my 3yo to behave?

[stinksworth]

Dd is 3 and a half and in the last fortnight or so has started replying to requests and instructions with "no, I'm not going to do that", often sitting down on the spot and crossing her arms too.

I appreciate (hope) this is just a phase but have any lovely MNers got some useful advice on this? I know consistency is key but I actually haven't found anything yet that works to be consistent with.

The naughty step isn't an option as this behaviour is mostly when we need to get out the door, also the reason why I can't just ignore the bad behaviour.

Requests are (I think) reasonable ones e.g: have a try on the toilet, tidy the toys away, put shoes on.

Have you tried offering her choices so that she feels more in control? So say we are going to the toilet, do you want to use it first or shall mummy go first? Do you want to wear shoes or wellies today? Not sure how you get her to tidy up though unless you do it together

She’s asserting her personality, so I think the answer is to give her a bit more independence so she doesn’t have to fight against you.

How long has she been potty trained for? If it’s a while, then I would stop insisting she has a try on the toilet (although you can still offer it as an option of course). If she doesn’t need a wee it must be irritating to have to try and do one.

As for the shoes, can you start leaving the house 10 mins earlier so that you have time to say “we can’t go out until you put your shoes on, so you will have to sit there until you’re ready to do it” and wait it out. Hopefully after doing this a few times she’ll realise that resistance is futile!

Personally I saved the naughty step for times when my DC were really naughty. This sounds like normal three year old stuff rather than proper bad behaviour!