How are you all coping with toddler tantrums

[LadyPug]

Honestly, these are breaking me. They are constant - tantrums when we change her, tantrums when we do her teeth etc. They seem to be getting worse. How do we stop them? Nursery have NEVER seen her have a tantrum, what the hell?! She behaves immaculately for them :-(

It's so hard at times isn't it. I feel it's rare these days to get her dressed without tears and drama. And she never wants to leave the house, even for activities she really wants to do. The things I find that help a bit are

• giving choice that suggests what will happen, but lets her feel in control, like 'do you want to wee first or do your teeth?' 'Do you want pink or green tights'.

• naming how she is feeling really helps pacify. 'You didn't get x and now you are feeling angry'. Accepting how w she feels and letting her know I'm ready to give a cuddle when she feels like it.

• deep breaths and remembering how powerless it must feel to be 2, how I want to have control just like she does and lettinggo of what I want to happen when it's possible/ appropriate.

I guess the difference with nursery could be that they are not so emotionally invested as you are. Maybe try to plan extra time to yourself to help you keep calm when the frustration is rising. You are not alone!!

Thank you smelly there’s some great tips here like explaining her feelings back to her. I just don’t feel like I’m handling it. I’m currently heavily pregnant with the second and I just don’t think I can do this twice - I feel such a failure as a mother :-(

The feelings chat does help - today during a tantrum I said something about her being angry and did she want me to leave her alone (after she'd just hit me). She replied so angstily 'leave me alone, I'm sad and crying' !! It was a bit sad but also very heartening that she can express that. Honesty I'm with you, these are tips that work at times and the rest of the time is trying to avoid forcing her to do stuff angrily! I'm pregnant too but first trimester. Please give yourself a break, it's such a hard job and especially when carrying another. When are you due? It's natural to feel the fear of two but try to just take it one step at a time and focus on what's going well more than the hard bits. I'm sure you're a wonderful mother

Thanks smelly I’m also realised how important her nap is. At nursery she doesn’t have a nap and gets overtired which definitely makes it harder! Ah that’s so touching “I’m sad and crying” so good she can express that. Dd cannot express to that level yet but she did ask for a small nap earlier so she obviously knows she’s tired and I have to listen to that. Oh goodness I found the first trimester even harder as having a toddler whilst being sick nearly killed me! Congratulations! I’m due in May so coming into third trimester this week and yes, I totally have the fear of two since the tantrums ramped up once I was pregnant! Eeeek! Thank you for your lovely words and taking the time to comment

It’s so hard isn’t it. My son has just turned 2 and everything is hard work. I bought the book ‘how to talk so little kids will listen’ which suggested giving them choices, but it isn’t working yet. I think I’ve done too much bribery with bing episodes and oat cakes and that’s had a negative effect as now he’s constantly asking for them so I’ve stopped using them for nappy changes/putting shoes on etc and it’s now harder than ever! His night time sleep has also been awful these last few weeks and he’s got an infected toe nail which he refuses to take the antibiotics for...
OP, well done for surviving the tantrums whilst pregnant, that sounds so tough!

Also, like your daughter, my son is good as gold at nursery! And like smellyjo said, he never, ever wants to leave the house even though he loves it when we do and is sooo much better behaviour when out!

Oh summer I’m so glad I’m not alone! I ordered a book actually (I realise how bad it looks to be reading a supernanny book) but I was desperate and it’s already making a massive difference. I’ve implemented a few things already eg I never knew that when she was hyperactive she was actually tired and tiredness is definitely one of the main issues for her. So yes! I’m now reading supernanny lol. I definitely get the whole bribing with bing etc but much easier without isn’t it as otherwise you get caught in it. At least you aren’t using sugar as your reward, got lots of friends doing this and they are creating a monster as the sugar fuels the behaviour!

No judgment about the book ladypug! I’ve also got a 3 Day Nanny book and a (wait for it) Gina Ford contented little toddler one! So that’s 3 in total... I must find a method I’m happy with and stick with it. So many people have said consistency is key, but it’s hard when there is always something going on - teething, cold, cough moving rooms at nursery etc etc!!! To be fair he’s just gone down to bed with only a relatively small tantrum about brushing his teeth...