Really struggling with nearly 5 year old boy - ADHD/ODD??

[Kismet9]

Hello mums,
I am really struggling to keep control of my nearly 5 year old.

For example, today we attended a museum with his toddler brother and some friends. I spent most of the trip trying to ensure he stayed nearby as the museum was very busy - and he was very over excited being with his friend. However, he continually runs away and it is incredibly difficult keeping tabs on him and toddler - despite me warning several times and threatening we would have to leave. Eventually, I was then forced to strap toddler into pushchair so that I could retain some control.

After lunch in the café (during which he went to pull his pants down unusually!), he ran away again into another part of the museum so he was told he could not go to the gift shop - queue massive melt down, running away, me chasing & toddler left in pushchair. I got hold of him, said we were now going home. He thrashed around, hitting, kicking. I tried picking him up a couple of times - big mistake - this made him worse. We eventually got away - after some disapproving looks.

I don't know what to do. He has always been extremely challenging, strong willed, emotional, sometimes destructive, defiant, energetic. He can't go to sleep without me lying next to him. He gets up very early. At home he requires frequent attention (way more than his toddler brother) and he rarely plays on his own. But is always desperate to play with me or games on the tablet - though we only allow this occasionally.

I have previously been to the GP re his behaviour and she referred him for an assessment however I then received a letter saying he was not suitable for an assessment - presumably because he seems to be doing well at school.

I have tried a whole range of behaviour management techniques - including rewards systems and ensuring I regularly invest in him. I have attended a local authority parenting course. I just don't know what to do from this point onwards. Can anyone offer any suggestions? Certainly any kind of punitive discipline (time out or telling off) seems to make situations worse. I am not sure I can face another parenting book!

Is this normal - can anyone relate to this experience?

Many thanks in advance,
xx

Oh yes I can relate!
Dd who's 5 and in year 1 sounds very similar, recently had an assessment via STEP 2 after school senco suggested, they discharged her saying come back on a year or so if not improved.

Like your dc, she's always been very strong willed, defiant and challenging, also she comes across as being a bit bossy / controlling, but is in fact quite sensitive and insecure.

I don't know where to go from here but your not alone and bumping for you.

Thanks very much Ellie. Good luck with it all x

It's awful isn't it, my 5yr old is as you've described, extreme in every way! He has been diagnosed with ADHD mainly down to his school pushing me to push the GP. GP and specialist both said at first they wouldn't assess him until at least 6 but when I expressed my concerns and the level of danger he puts himself in they relented.

You mentioned he is doing well at school, if school have no concerns at all with his behaviour (not his ability) then I'd imagine it's unlikely to be ADHD and the GP won't refer without schools say so (or that's how it works where I live)

To be honest all they've offered anyway is medication which I don't want to give him.

Iv kind of always known there was something different about him (iv 3 boys) if you have tried all the 'supernanny' style tips consistently for a decent length of time then I'd speak to the GP/school again.

It's exhausting though isn't it - good luck you are definitely not alone though!! Xx

My son sounds similar, he's always been super full on, even in the womb! He's now 5 and still sometimes has 'toddler' tantrums, kicks, cries etc., runs away without listening. He's not always like this, he has good phases and bad phases. At school he's really well behaved and he's doing extremely well with his work, reading etc. He is very sensitive and still needs me to lie next to him to get to sleep (we have tried EVERYTHING to get him to sleep alone, but I'm not willing to have him screaming the house down for hours, it would just make him more insecure...). I would describe his personality as 'tortured genius'. He's a massive perfectionist and frequently has meltdowns about crafts etc. going wrong. He doesn't 'play' well at home and needs us to direct him into activities and play with him or he's prone to going on a kind of naughty rampage. He had a really bad phase the summer before school and I saw the health centre behaviour specialist. She said if he's fine at nursery (he was good as gold there too) then he won't have any 'proper' behaviour issues, if there were problems it would be more constant. I've come to just accept him as he is, he is overall calming down, a lot of the time he's lovely, I love him to bits and having tried a lot of parenting techniques I can't really change him. We have had some success with specific rewards for example sitting through the first 20 mins of church before the kids groups start without running off he gets a packet of sweets after the service. Previously he'd wriggle under the aisle kicking handbags out of the way and run out of the door. Good luck!