How would you handle this behaviour with 3 year old?

[onlytheone]

How do I stop DD from pushing her friend and little friend. She has also recenty thrown a large toy at friend and toddler sitting on lap. I put a stop to the pushing a few months ago by taking her home when it happend a few times at playgroup and she hated this. It is so hard to deal effectively with this at home as she appears to totally ignore me. However, I am at a loss of what to do as she will not sit on the stairs, laughs at me. She does not have any particular toys that are dear to her that she would miss if I took them off her as punishment and I do not like using food (ie withdrawing chocolate) as punishment. It is really getting to me.

My DD is a bit like this, I give her a warning, a count of 3 and then carry out whatever threat I have made. This can be a smacked bottom, put in her room witht he gate shut etc, but normally it her stickers.

She has a sticker chart for good behavior and the easiest and least effort on my part is to cross a sticker out - she hates that as she loves the sticker - which she has chosen.

WE do bribery - before play date or nursery day, something along the lines of 'if you remember to stroke and hug your friends nicely we will be so proud of you that you can have a chocolate button as a prize'. Then if it actually happens that there is no pushing, pinching whatever then the sweet (yeah yeah I know) is given with great ceremony, and if poss in front of daddy/grandma whoever with lots of repetition of how good ds was and he was so gentle, blah blah blah.

Start early with putting her in a naughty room for 3 mins.

I wouldn't attempt to teach a child that pushing is wrong by smacking them; much more appropriate and sensible to have another strategy; agree that Lio's idea is a way of letting her know what the appropriate behaviour is, and what will happen if she does well. I would also have something like time out in mind but I really don't think this has to be in a punitive way, more as a way of removing her from the fun as a consequence of her misdemeanour; take her out of the room with you and sit quietly and boringly for a couple of minutes perhaps.

Hopefully she then learns that she can stay in the thick of the fun if she doesn't push.