How can I help DD (6) deal with being teased?

[Fubsy]

DD is a volatile child, she feels everything very intensely, whether she is happy or unhappy. But I have noticed that with some children she gets in a terrible state and screams a lot. When i ask what is happening, she says thay are being horrible or they are teasing her. I have also noticed that she reacts in a similar way if adult friends or family members tease her.

I have tried talking to her about it, about how the more she reacts the more some other children will tease her but she denies that there is anything she can do to control herself, and says it is all the other child's fault.

It happens a lot when she is playing with the boy next door. This is a difficult one, as he has adhd and is on medication, there are also a lot of social issues going on around him. But I know they are fond of each other, so i dont mind them playing together, even though she has started swearing, and Im pretty sure she got that from him.

Im not sure wether this is just something she will grow out of, or whether to ask for professional help. We live in a small village and all the children round hee know eachother and play together. i would hate to have to pull her out of playing with other children and only let her play with the ones who wouldnt say boo to a goose.

Anyone with any experience similar to this?

i think you've already done the right thing, which is to make clear to her that it's all about her reaction.

she will never be able to control what other people do or say; it's a hard lesson to learn and maybe it will just take a bit of time for her to 'get' it. i would perhaps try to give her a little 'script' to keep in mind for this sort of occasion. If they are teasing perhaps she could instantly walk away while telling them she doesn't play with people who are nasty ( or whatever little remark you think she would remember)...

I honestly don't think you need professional help, I think it's just a very hard social lesson and she needs you to be consistent about telling her that actually, she does have some responsibility to control herself.

And actually I SO remember the burning anger I had if an adult was teasing me or laughing at me; it is horrible and shouldn't be done to excess or to humiliate her just because she's little, but I have to say it is such a life skill to not take yourself too seriously and to learn to laugh at yourself...but whether you can learn that by having others laugh at you [hmmmm] it's a difficult one. Probably more you learn it by having it role modelled by your parents/other adults.....

She's still very young and if you carry on having calm chats with her, helping her to understand that teh kids who tease want to see a reaction, she might gradually learn to handle it all better.

Could you do some role playing with her, pretend to tease her, let her feel how to control her emotions a little?

Thank you, good ideas. It is hard when youre little, I agree.

For some reason I find it almost impossible to tease people, maybe I didnt like it as a child either.

Fubsy.....my DD is very similar.........if you dare laugh at anything she has done, be it cute or silly there is hell to pay "dont you laugh at me"

she has no sense of humour at her own expense and if people wind her up she usually ends up in her room calming down. I dont encourage teasing or tormenting but it happens and as long as it isnt malicious then i wont stop it. It is part of life and i feel she needs to learn to deal with it. If she can do that in the comfort of her own home where i am there to guide her and help her learn to deal with it then so much better.

My suggestion is that you are doing everything you can, dont shield her from it or you will spend that rest of your life doing that. Teach her how to deal with it................My theory for DD is "if you dont like what people are saying love, go and find a place away from them for a while and calm down, they are teasing you because they think it is funny to torment, if you dont get upset they will stop".

MY DS's are always prime suspect, I dont tell them off though, as i say as long as it isnt malicious/nasty/too personal then i think it is good to let them learn to deal with it in an acceptable way. When i said earlier about DD in her room, that is her coping mechanism, It is her room, she is the boss in that room and i will not allow anyone to follow her into that room to torment her, so she knows she can go there and wind down if she is feeling angry with everyone........bit like shutting your front door and having a good scream . Hope what I have said has been of some help............. oh and good luck.

being an only child probably doesnt help - older brothers are always going to tease a sister, arent they!