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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What to do when my child (rightfully) tells people off...

19 replies

zebra · 30/07/2004 08:50

We were walking thru a pedestrian underpass the other day. 2 women and a little boy (age 3?) were there, boy weeing against the wall.

Thing is, weather was nice & there was a public park with both ample shrub cover, and public loos only 100 yards away! Maybe the loos are a bit grotty, but surely better than pissing on a public footpath?

Many's the time when I've let my kids wee in a drain, against a hedge, on a verge, behind a tree, but only because we were too far from a proper loo. Anyway, DS (age 4) spontaneously & very politely told the people off "Excuse me Sir! I'm sorry but you mustn't do that here!". I said something cheery like "Looks like he already has done", just to prevent the women from getting angry.

He was totally in the right, but how do I teach him that we don't want to confront strangers for minor misdemeanors like that? He's told teenagers off for throwing sand in the playground, other incidents I can't quite recall. I don't want someone to lash out at him, I don't want to give an inconsistent message, I don't want him to learn bad habits! So what should I say to him?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Crystaltips · 30/07/2004 08:55

mmmm Good for him but I would explain that some people get cross with YOU when they are found doing something wrong - ESPECIALLY if they know what they are doing is naughty.

Explain that even though DS is right - you'd not like him to get in trouble .... for being right ... does that make sense ?

littlemissbossy · 30/07/2004 09:00

my ds (also aged 4) looked at a woman yesterday whilst we waited in a queue at Alton Towers and said "your boys naughty isn't he" ... he was right though

Freckle · 30/07/2004 09:06

Mine have a wonderful habit of criticising very loudly anyone smoking a cigarette. Glad the message is getting through about the dangers and silliness of smoking, but need to instill in them a sense of accepting that adults are allowed to make their own decisions

Angeliz · 30/07/2004 09:25

My dd isnists on saying VERY loudly "look mammy, they don't have a baby" when people park in parent an toddler spaces and has even said it about an old couple with a trolley with baby seat!!!

I have just agreed with her but told her not to shout!!!Will be interested in any responses!!

Sorry no better advice!!

JanZ · 30/07/2004 09:25

I remember being encouraged by my mum and dad to collect a bag full of rubbish and orange peel (at a picnic beauty spot) and run after the family that had left it behind, saying "excuse me, you've left this behind!"

daisy1999 · 30/07/2004 09:29

Mine go right up to people smoking and say loudly to me "they're going to die soon aren't they" !!!

LunarSea · 30/07/2004 09:44

Lol - though if that 3 year old is anything like my ds it might not have been a deliberate decision by the mother. Ds (2.10) is going through that "just about trained but not a lot of warning" phase of deciding he needs a wee now, and if we're outside somewhere where he doesn't know where the nearest toilet is he'll instantly pull his trousers down and wee on the grass/earth (not underpasses, paths or walls though). Now I don't particularly like/condone/encourage it, but it usually happens so fast that there's not a great deal I can do to prevent it.

sis · 30/07/2004 10:18

I have told ds that he is right but it is for the other person's parents to teach them right from wrong - just as it is mine and dh's 'job' to teach ds. He seems to accept this.

princesspeahead · 30/07/2004 10:20

my 6 year old, every time we pass McDonalds, says "The food in there is really really bad and made of bad things, isn't it Mummy?"! She then often says in a conciliatory way - "They have nice toys though, I expect thats why all those people are eating there."

Twiglett · 30/07/2004 10:33

message withdrawn

dejags · 30/07/2004 11:13

DS is another one for telling people off for smoking...

If he can't smell it he more often than not doesn't notice it - but if he can he will say in a loud voice - YUKKKKY mummy that cigarrette stinks... it'll make me sicky...

I am another one is not sure how to continue enforcing the messaging that smoking or doing something naughty is not nice whilst teaching him that it's not his place to judge/question other peoples decisions...

He is 3 btw.

Slinky · 30/07/2004 11:19

My 6yo son gives everyone a "lecture" about smoking!

He always points out that smoking "gives you black lungs and that you'll die".

It made my SIL give up though - she got upset when DS kept saying "but I don't want you to die"

JanZ · 30/07/2004 11:20

Dejags - much as we'd like to teach ds that one (and he's probably learning it anyway, just by seeing our distaste), we need to be careful about him being TOO vocal about it as dh's father smokes and their house DOES stink!

neetsmassi · 30/07/2004 11:26

My dd always points out the "naughty children" who eat in shops as she is not allowed to do it - and of course she points them out very loudly and says "That's very naughty isn't it".

tigermoth · 30/07/2004 11:28

Zebra, as far as the loo thing is concerned, if my sons told off a stranger I'd say something like 'we don't know the full story so it's best not to tell off strangers. You can see why it looks wrong, but perhaps the little boy is ill and couldn't wait or the people did not know there was a public loo so nearby'

children telling off adults for smoking - not so easy to make excuses for the adults. It's a hard one.

dejags · 30/07/2004 12:40

JanZ

I think tolerance is one of the hardest things to teach a young child i.e. although we may not like the things others do we cannot judge them for it...

My DS sees things in black and white - smoking, hitting, swearing etc, etc are all bad things which are met with a telling off in our family, We also have a few things peculiar to our own family which are considered unacceptable but may be the norm in other families...

He thinks it's amusing to copy mummy for telling other people off. For example - we have one friend in particular who has a bit of a foul mouth, he gets quite funny about it when DS says loudly - DONT say that word, its a naughty word and recently retorted that DS should mind his own business... I then got a bit funny because I dont swear in front of DS and dont really like it when people do it in my home... arrrghh... complicated one

Slinky · 30/07/2004 15:37

Agree Dejags.

I try to explain to DS (and the other 2) that whilst we don't like smoking, adults have to make their own decisions in life and if they want "black lungs" then that's their problem.

However, all 3 of my kids WILL say that they don't like the smoke near them and I then DO expect the smoker to move away from them.

dinosaur · 30/07/2004 15:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

marysavannah · 11/12/2004 07:01

deejags. i know this is a bit of thread

but if u dont swaer in front of ur ds dont under any circumstance slet anone else.

otherwise. with the loud comments just let them, they know right from wrong. it may be embarrasing but its that kind of thing which will give them good mannars n gud sensde later

maryxx

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